Drowning in Spite
by Ifuonlyknewgrl
Summary: TEMP HIATUS! The beatings were degrading, the rape was breathtakingly painful, but when he allowed himself to be loved: it nearly killed him. She did it to save him, only for him to hurt her in return. DMHG. Darkfic. Rape, incest, self harm.
1. Boys Don't Cry

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** _Alright, so I have some hints through out the story of some future conflicts that will occur later. Are they too vague?_

**Chapter One:** Boys Don't Cry

* * *

I would break down at your feet  
And beg forgiveness  
Plead with you  
But I know that  
It's too late  
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it  
Cover it all up with lies  
I try to  
laugh about it  
Hiding the tears in my eyes  
'cause **boys don't cry**

* * *

Fearfully, he moved down the giant stone corridor, his feet slapping against the stone, bruised and sore. He had worn his pajamas, with boxers underneath, hoping it would put him off tonight. 

It didn't work.

Draco pushed open the door to his Father's office. There, Lucius Malfoy stood writing on a piece of parchment from behind his desk. He looked up to see his son standing in the doorway.

"Well, Draco. Shut the door, we don't want to wake your mother, do we?" Lucius put down his quill and stood walking over to Draco gracefully.

"Father, do we have to tonight?" Draco whimpered, stepping away from his Lucius. He received a swift slap to the face and Draco immediately fell silent.

"You're to be a true Malfoy, my boy."

Draco's lips quivered as his Father leaned in to capture his lips.

* * *

It was a normal day; there was nothing out of place to fit in with the destruction that overcame him. Draco lay in his bed, falling into an easy sleep until Lucius came in, grinning and tearing the sheets from off of Draco. He tore Draco apart savagely, claiming that he has reached his coming-of-age now. He was a Man now. In some sickening twisted way, Lucius had shown his son another side of living—the traditional side, a shameful side, of a Malfoy. Draco lay sprawled and bleeding across his bed after his Father had left. Images of his Father's naked body and the tearing feeling haunted him until he cried himself to sleep. And when he had awoke, he had a new broom sitting at the bottom of his bed, Zeus had a note attached to his little leg. With all the strength he had, he pulled the note from off of the Bird's leg. 

_Clean yourself. _

These two words sliced Draco apart as the remainders of his sanity disintegrated.

Draco pulled his sheets above his head, waiting to hear the click of the door as his father left his room. He felt the bile rise up into his throat, and upon hearing the door click, Draco swallowed the disgusting substance back. A Malfoy never embarrassed himself with tears, throw-up-from-pity and hurt. His father had taught him the right way, and this was just another obstacle to overcome.

He remembered the day he got home, the day it started…

"God damn Granger, beating me in ranking," Draco mumbled as he held up his grades. He was sitting against the plush seating of the Hogwarts Express, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Crabbe and Goyle surrounded him.

"Well, what d'you expect Draco? You never really did any of your work…" Blaise drawled, un-crossing his legs and plucking the parchment from out of Draco's limp hands.

"Mmm…seems here you're passing all your classes with an "Excellent". What are you complaining for? Excellent is the highest a person can get."

"It's not that…it's just…she's a fucking mudblood."

"A smart one…with a tight ass," Blaise laughed. Crabbe and Goyle nodded in agreement.

"What? You've been checking that mudblood out Blaise?" Pansy asked shrilly.

"Sort of…she's in my Advanced Astronomy Class with Draco. Sits right across from us," Blaise shifted uncomfortably. Draco's piercing gray eyes devoured Blaise's movements in anger.

"I see where your minds been this year Blaise," Draco said in a clipped tone. He took his grades back, folded it, and slipped it back into his pocket. Blaise shrugged.

"Well it's a lot better than mine Draco." Pansy said sweetly. She placed a hand lovingly on his thigh. He pushed it off and glared at her. She sighed, nodding to herself.

"She has a point Draco. You did exceptionally well this year," Blaise said.

"You have no idea how Father is. He's very stern with me concerning my rank. This isn't going to please him. Knowing that a mudblood outdid me…"

As Draco said this, Hermione Granger stumbled into the hall. The people around her burst aloud with laughter, pointing at her as she clapped her hands around the shreds of her shirt and ran down the hall. Tears flowed down her face as she ran. Harry and Ron were yelling at each other, pushing one another off in order to reach her.

Draco opened the compartment as she was nearing it. She saw it open and immediately threw herself in it, slamming it behind her. Everyone, including Draco, gasped as they soaked in her presence.

She was wearing muggle clothes, and she was holding her shirt closed with difficulty and she wouldn't stop sobbing…at least until Draco stood in front of her.

"You jumped into the wrong compartment Mudblood." Draco sneered, he caught sight that Harry and Ron had just passed their compartment. Hermione scooted against the door as he neared her.

"What happened to you mudblood?" Pansy asked from behind. Hermione looked over at her and then back at Draco. She glared as Draco raised his wand at her. Draco chuckled, an evil crackle of power expelled from him, but in a split second, Hermione had somehow summoned her wand and stabbed Draco in the thigh, screaming, "STUPEFY!"

Draco, shocked, fell over. His eyes glared as Blaise stood over him.

"Now stop that Draco!" Blaise now took off his robe to place around Hermione. He undid Hermione's spell and Draco jumped up. "Can't you see she's defenseless…well, not really…Damn it, give her some space!" Draco backed down in shock as Blaise squatted down to Hermione's level to whisper to her.

"Can you stand Granger?" Blaise asked kindly. Hermione nodded and he helped her stand.

"What happened?" Crabbe asked dully.

"What happened Granger?" Blaise whispered. Draco couldn't help but think that Blaise and the Mudblood had gotten to know each other over the year.

She leaned into his ear and whispered, "Its Ron. I've broken up with him, and he hit me." Blaise gasped.

"Bloody animal, why'd he do that to you?"

"I don't know Blaise, damn it, I don't know…" He embraced her and she sniffed up her tears.

"Maybe…he found out?" Blaise asked quietly.

"He couldn't have, we were so careful."

"But still."

"Could you bloody well tell me what the hell is going on Blaise? Are you shagging the mudblood?" Draco asked angrily, pushing him away from Hermione. Draco felt a pang of hurt over wash him.

"No! That's not it. It's nothing Draco." Blaise yelled, drawing Hermione to him.

"Can you see the irony? I can." Pansy said musingly, but mostly to herself.

"Get out of the compartment Mudblood." Draco grabbed Hermione by the hair, making her scream as he tossed off Blaise's robe, catching a glimpse of a full breast in a pink lacy bra, he growled in disgust.

He opened the compartment door and pushed her out.

Hermione cried aloud in anger.

"Draco!" Blaise yelled, moving around him to reach the door of the compartment. Blaise looked through the glass to see that she was gone.

"DAMN IT DRACO!" Blaise bellowed, pushing him into his seat.

"I knew there was something between you two! I saw the spark during the whole bloody year!" Draco said, pointing an accused finger at Blaise from his seat.

"Why do you even care? What? You mad 'cos the "mudblood" didn't spare you a glance!" Blaise asked disgustingly.

"Do you think I care for her Blaise? You're WRONG! It's YOU. Your FAMILY will KILL you if they knew that you were befriending a mudblood! I can't let that happen to you!" Draco said, he felt unshed tears press against his eyelids, but he willed them to stay back.

"I would never think of you scooping down to a level of tattle-telling on me Draco."

Draco shocked, whispered, "Blaise, I would never."

"Then why not have something with her? You know I'm not like my Father! I…I liked her Draco."

Pansy's eyes widened as Blaise sat in his seat. Draco looked stubbornly out the window.

"You fancied her through the year?"

"Yeah Pansy, I have."

"I know how you feel…" she whispered.

"What's that? Who'd you fancy that need not be fancied?" Draco asked angrily, his gaze reentering the compartment.

"I fancied her as well," Pansy continued. Everyone in the compartment grew quiet as she bit her lower lip.

"Can this day get any worse?" Draco groaned, covering his eyes with his hand in exhaustion.

"You, a sodomite Pansy? I would never think of it. Anyone else knows about your secret?" Blaise questioned her, an interested gleam in his eyes.

"Only the girls I've been with."

"Oh? And how many is that?"

"I don't remember," she said with a sly smile. Blaise grinned.

"Can we drop it? I can't believe a MUDBLOOD sparked up this much confession and anger from out of us," Draco said exhausted staring idly at Blaise's upturned grin.

"I want to, I'm becoming tired of this conversation," Pansy said, leaning happily back in her seat.

The train moved along, and soon Draco found himself stepping onto the platform to get home. His Father's driver stood waiting for him as people began loading his luggage onto a trolley.

"Young Master Zabini, Master Malfoy has requested that you do not spend the summer with young Master Malfoy," The Driver said as Blaise approached him.

"What? Why not?" Blaise asked, taken aback.

"He would not say sir. Only that you don't come."

"Father's being a prick, as usual." Draco grabbed Blaise briefly by the hand, pulling into him to embrace. Blaise smiled against Draco's shoulder.

"Owl me over the summer, mate?" Blaise asked, pulling back from Draco.

"I will. Have fun."

"Oh please…better dead than at home." Blaise walked away from him, hopping over to Pansy to ask for a ride. She smiled grimly and nodded her head. She looked towards her driver and pointed to Blaise's luggage before waving at Draco and turning her back.

"Your Father said that you are to come home immediately young Master Malfoy."

"Okay, let's go then."

Draco never really saw a lot of London when leaving the Platform to Diagon Alley. Deep down inside, he really wanted to explore the muggle world. He glanced at Granger and Potter walking towards the opening leading to London. Harry had given Hermione one of his shirts, a Qudditch undershirt with a large H on it. Ron was standing next to his sister and twin brothers yelling at one another.

Draco, somehow felt free of everything. He was nearing sixteen; he was free of homework, free of curfew and free of the Golden Trio's presence. He entered the driver's muggle-like car. Draco relaxed against the leather interior feeling the breeze of cool air circling throughout the car.

"Mum?" Draco asked, upon entering the house. It was colder than he remembered, and it was darker. He kept on his shoes as he entered his mother's favorite room. He stepped on her plush carpet, hoping that later she wouldn't realize someone had been on it with shoes. He was led into the gigantic kitchen, where his mother, in the far corner was sitting with coffee and a small telly. It was a muggle gadget that Father didn't know about. Draco knew no one in the house was supposed to know she had it, but he had seen it several times and haven't called her out on it.

"Mum?" Narcissa jumped in her seat as the telly disappeared in air as Draco came towards her.

"You went through my room with those shoes, didn't you?"

"No mum."

"Good. How are you dear? I've missed you so much." Narcissa threw her arms around Draco and squeezed him. "Oh my boy, you've gotten so thin. Have you been eating all right?" She spat in her hand and rubbed it across Draco's cheek, "you got dirt on you."

Draco scrunched up as she smeared the saliva over his flesh. "I've eaten just fine Mum. I'm naturally thin."

"No, you're just looking like your Father more and more lately…shame." Narcissa looked away, still holding Draco at arm's length.

"What's wrong mum?" Draco asked concerned, his mother was now softly crying.

"You're strong Draco. I have full confidence in you, that you'll overcome this…" Narcissa whispered, hugging him again, "you're not my little man anymore. You're going to be a big man…your Father's said so…" Narcissa released Draco, stood, and walked eerily away, leaving him dumbfounded.

* * *

Draco later on that day ventured into the Garden, admiring the Cherub Statues mother had designed to have placed for their Summer Ball Father had annually. Draco had always loved lounging in the garden with a book or magazine. He couldn't help but run this hand through the rough texture of the newly made statue. He shivered as some of the fountain water splashed onto his hand; he stood straight up, wanting the shiver to travel all the way down his body and up. A beautiful bird flew to perch itself in front of him, and chirruped at him. 

"Do you like it," asked a smooth voice from behind, making Draco jump and turn around to the House's back entrance. His Father stood leaning against one of the larger statues, staring attentively at him.

"Which do you mean Father? I like what Mother has done, but I also like the bird that has flown in front of me," Draco said carefully. He turned back to the lovely white blonde bird.

"It's yours Draco. He's not an owl…he's better. Faster and smarter and he will do your bidding, whether or not it is for mail purposes." Lucius moved to stand behind his son, sighing and resting his hands on his shoulders. Lucius moved to whisper into his ear.

"You've grown quite a bit my boy."

"I've been trying to stay healthy," Draco replied, tensing up as his Father stroked his hair. Suddenly, his hand dropped. Draco turned around to face his Father. Lucius, his paleness, thin lips and platinum blonde hair filled Draco with fear—intimidation.

"You're old enough to know what's right from wrong now Draco."

"That is true Father," Draco confirmed, looking away from Lucius.

"Well, I'm glad of your arrival Draco." At that, Lucius turned and left Draco. The Bird flew onto Draco's hand as if waiting.

"What will I name you?" Draco asked the bird. He felt stupid asking a bird to reply to him.

"Well," Draco said, amused by his own stupidity, "Maybe I'll name you Zeus-- God of all Gods, eh? Oops, mind your wings!" Draco laughed as the bird flapped eagerly.

* * *

"Good night my Son," Narcissa was tucking Draco into bed, pushing his hair from his now sharp face. She remembered when it was plump, like that of a baby angel. 

"Mum, I'm almost sixteen; you don't have to tuck me in…"

"It's your first night back my boy. I wanted to make sure you slept peacefully."

"I understand." Draco leaned back onto his pillows. He smiled sheepishly up at his mother.

"I would never have any harm come to you Draco. I—I would…never—never want anything bad to happen to you. But you would forgive me, if I had no control of it?"

"Mum, what are you talking about? I can never stay mad at you, Mum, I'd forgive you. What's _wrong?_" Narcissa began to cry again, this time drawing out long sobs. She balled her fists up and placed them in her lap. "Mum! You can tell me…did Father do something to you?"

Narcissa shook her head, shushing him.

"We don't speak of such things in this house Draco, he hears everything."

"Mum, if he did anything, we could always find a way…" Narcissa covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shhh…no, you'll be fine. It's tradition in this family, to go through such obstacles."

"MUM! What are you talking about?" Draco asked, bewildered.

"I'm leaving."

"Goodnight mum." Draco watched as she drifted from out of his room. He didn't understand the lack of conversation they had just exchanged, and he didn't want to ponder it either. He closed his eyes, hoping to find sleep ahead of him.

"Wake up Draco."

Draco, finally having dozed off to sleep opened his eyes to see his Father standing on the side of his bed. His heart jolted…the only time his father entered his room was to yell at him. What had he done this time?

"Yes Father?" Draco asked politely. Lucius was dressed in nothing but his robe. Draco, in all his life, had never seen his Father wear his robe outside of his own quarters. This made Draco's eyebrows quirk in curiosity.

"It's important to know Draco, that all families have secrets."

"I know of that Father…we have pretty large ones ourselves." Draco said dismissively, trying to doze back off to sleep. Lucius saw this and ripped the covers from off of Draco, making him yelp in fear.

"The one I'm about to show you, is beyond any I have ever explained. It is something every male has to go through in this Family. It tests our wits, our strength and most importantly, our loyalty, Draco. I am to initiate the beginning of your manhood in this family. It will be for the entire length of your break and other breaks until you turn eighteen and I sign your name onto The Family's Will. It is an honor, Draco." Lucius opened his robe, exposing Draco to his naked flesh. In an instance Draco bolted from off of his bed, trying to head for the door, but Lucius had grabbed him, fighting against him as he pushed him to the floor.

"It is my love to you, Son," Lucius panted on top of Draco.

No one could hear the piercing screams that erupted his life.

* * *

**Hey! Thank you for reading. Please review, it'll help me a lot. Tell me what you think. I can take constructive criticism guys, haha. Oooh, and please read my Bio. There are a few things I would like you to know, so please visit there for a few. Read please! I will be updating it regularly. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have written two chapters already for this story, and after editing (and a hefty amount of reviews :wink: haha) I will be uploading the next one. Yay! **


	2. Fatherly Love

**Drowning in Spite **

**Summery:** The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, with HBP put aside, I will continue to write the way I'm writing it, but trying to put a little bit more personality in the characters. I surely skimmed through the Harry Potter book, irritated. I was very displeased with JK's outcome, but at the same time, amused at the balls she's carrying. For her to take such a huge step in writing out the events that happened…oi, she has balls!

**A/N Again: **Now it's time for some real writing. The first chapter is always the most difficult, and I love writing! But it's not the deal, you know the writing, it's actually the content. I was wondering if I would be capable of writing such a story. The whole idea of coming-of-age and sexual exploration comes directly from my own knowledge of teenage experiences. Now that my end of high school is nearing, I want to take a step back and view Our Little World. Wow! One whole year! It's not all about education anymore. There, underneath that layer of fakeness, the temptation of "sex, drugs and Rock n Roll" actually EXISTS. Scary, how come they don't teach us this information at my school?

The innocent gets hurt because Mommy doesn't pay attention or care, feelings get broken in half because we don't read the fine print and Minds are stolen when we inhale too much.

Yes, the story of my life.

End of my rant, sorry…

Enjoy the chapter! And thanks for all the lovely reviews, you guys are **AWESOME!**

**A/N Again:** But who has finished the Harry Potter book? I finished today, but not after rereading my favorite crime/mystery, "Gone, But Not Forgotten." I finished the both books just ten minutes ago, and now I'm ready to add on another chapter. Anyways, lately, I've been feeling lonely. Someone send me an email, let's strike up a conversation.

Email- (:

**Oh, and another thing**: if I have some grammar mistakes in here, sorry some of them are my fault, and some are Microsoft Word's fault. It automatically changes things when I type, and when I change it back, that annoying green line shows up and I loose my sanity. So sorry again, I know that grammar/spelling mistakes are annoying and make me look stupid, but I assure you, I had the best English/writing Teachers in the World.

I just didn't pay any attention in class :-p

**Warning:** There's some slash in this chapter, so if you don't want to read it, please click back. Don't read this if you're uncomfortable. I'm not forcing you.

I love you all.

I love you all.

I love you all!

**Prepare to have this story take one turn that'll leave you saying….**

**"Bloody hell…"**

* * *

**A very long CHAPTER! YAY! A lot goes on in here, so please, read carefully. A lot of drama…oi! Review please, your opinions count!**

**Read & Review. Thank you!**

**Chapter One:** Fatherly Love

* * *

_The stillness is jolting_, Draco thought, peering from underneath his bed covers at a ray of sunlight shining from his window. Draco tried to clear his head of any psychological pain that irked him. His main goal right now was to get up successfully without screaming. 

He tried to push all images and feelings from last night out of his head, but the throbbing pain in his rectum was all but a reminder. He bit his lip when he used his hands to slide him to the side of the bed. Feeling his feet dangle over the side of the bed, he made one last attempt to push and he was swung stunningly to his feet. He could taste the blood in his mouth.

Draco stood there, naked, bathing in the sunlight as he admired the feel of his warm blood trickling down his chin.

_That's going to need repairing,_ said a tiny voice in the back of his head. He was overwhelmed by a very guilty feeling.

Deep down inside his bones, he relished for that feeling of 'warmth', in other words, protection. He wanted an arm to be draped around his shoulders as he released a loud sob. His mother was far from him, and the only protection his Father had used was dubbed, "unmentionables". Draco cringed at the thought.

He slowly made his way to his bathroom, entering the empty porcelain tub. His backside slid down the cold glass like material. He sighed as he wiped blood away from his chin. Lazily, he lifted his hand and turned on his favorite tab. Clear bubbles filled the tub, engulfing him in the warmth he yearned for. His body relaxed, and the pain subsided.

Draco took into the considerations of the events that had just interrupted his life. His Father had raped him, and had promised more events like that to come. He sobbed, trying to choke back the fearful feelings that were furling in his stomach. He allowed for himself to cry, hunched over in the tub, his long legs brought up to his chest as he rocked himself in the water.

_How is this love?_ Draco asked angrily to himself. _How is this anything natural?_ Draco opened his mouth to release an anguished scream.

_You didn't struggle though. You're stronger than Lucius, yet, you didn't struggle. Five years of Qudditch training gone down the drain?_ Draco cringed inwardly at the reflection.

He sat in the tub until the water grew cold. He felt sick to his stomach. Although he was in water, he felt like tiny particles were attaching themselves to his skin, creating a second layer of skin—filthy skin. Draco raked his nails against his skin, only to feel his nails break the layer, causing tiny rivers of blood to appear. He scrapped at his upper arms, and moved to his thighs, scrapping. In his head, he knew what he was doing was delusional, but the determination to become clean was spellbinding. He leaned against the tub, his back sore from being hunched over for such a long time. Draco sniffed up snot as he scrubbed away his damages, unsatisfied by his lame attempt to become clean.

_What am I going to do?_ Draco asked himself as he stood from the tub. He shivered as he reached for a towel to wrap himself up in. He reentered his room and dried off. He slipped into simple dark blue pants and a t-shirt. He sat on the edge of his bed uncomfortably, shame filling his chest once more. He knew that the moment he left the room, the house elf would be in, removing all traces of last night from his sheets.

_Nothing happened last night, think about it like that_, Draco tried convincing himself, but the images that flickered when he blinked behind his eyelids spoke differently. Draco stood, throwing his towel onto his bed. He opened his door and left his room, walking barefoot down the hall, avoiding his parent's room as he headed for the kitchens.

He sat in the far corner. After waiting for awhile, he saw that none of the house elves that occupied the house was going to serve him. He stood up and headed towards a large fridge that sat up against one of the walls. Draco walked towards it, opening it up with difficulty.

There, were mounds of food—of all sorts. He saw sliced lunch meat of all varieties, chocolate from all over the world, cereal of different brands, milk, and cheese…oh, the ice cream! He hadn't had that since he was a child.

Draco closed the door.

Suddenly, he didn't feel so hungry.

He left the kitchen, walking into his mother's favorite room. She had silver colored carpet, and dark green furniture that his mother had bought in Italy when passing through with his Father and him a couple of summers back. It wasn't his most favorite room in the house for him. In his opinion, his mother had gone overboard with silver carpet and leather couches. He thought of it as tacky…but never would he voice that thought. He slipped onto one of the untouched and extremely cool couches. He rested his head on the back of the couch, enjoying the prickling sensation occurring on the back of his neck. Draco yawned, blinking his eyes several times before sprawling himself out on the couch, wanting nothing more then to crash out on there and forget about his Father and the fact that he wasn't a virgin anymore…

Was not a virgin any more.

Draco sat up abruptly. He hadn't thought about it that way. He had never had sex with a girl before, he wasn't really known for being romantic, but girls did usually compliment him on his good looks, but never had he touched them sexually…a few obscured kisses but nothing more. He felt sickened by his reputation of being a sex maniac when he's never even put his—his—_thing_ in a girl.

Well, he didn't want to think about it.

But he had to! His Father had taken away his opportunity to enjoy his first time, to experiment and enjoy the experience. He shook angrily. He'd never be able to touch a girl now. Surely she would know that he had been scarred so humiliatingly? He sighed, and covered his mouth with his hand.

_Does this make me a faggot? _Draco asked. He gripped his hair, pulling his head down between his knees; _I'm not a faggot…am I? _

Draco lifted his head up. He remembered how sly and flirty Pansy had been when admitting her secret sex life on the train. He tried to imagine Pansy kissing a girl. He knew she was never very fond of him. She would try it in public, just to put on a fake mask and cause distraction from her true self. Draco rolled his eyes, his mouth sagging open slightly in annoyance, thinking about how foolish she was being in all of her effort.

Yet, he didn't understand! He had made his father happy, that's a great honor. He had passed the bar, made it into his Father's Will and bed in quick timing. His Father said that's all he had wanted from his Son. That's all he needed to be proud of him. But was it wrong? Is what his father did _wrong?_

Draco wanted an answer badly. He knew that deep down inside, he wanted to scream, "It's HORRIBLE!" scream almost as loud as he had with his father the previous night. His throat was caked in raw flesh and dried blood, screaming, until his voice grew hoarse and his tears ran dry.

"A Malfoy doesn't cry," his father had said, grabbing Draco from the back of his head, fingers entwined with his silver locks of hair. He pulled back roughly until Draco's Adams Apple bobbed out so bad it looked like it would piece the tender skin that covered it.

Draco shuddered inwardly. He stood from the seat, shocking himself at how fast his fear sent him to a wobbling standing position. He didn't want to end up falling apart like he did before. He could possibly run away? And never come back? His father could keep his fortune and his disgusting faith in tradition. He left his mother's room, quickly walking back to his room to gather all his Hogwarts stuff, a bag of money, and some clothes, shoes, and underwear. He dumped them all in his trunk, and grabbed his wand.

_How am I going to do this?_ Draco asked. He knew he would wake his parents if he was dragging his trunk, and if he performed a simple shrinking charm on the trunk, the ministry would know he used magic. He had to escape from his Father, without his mother knowing or she would try to convince to stay. His stomach lurched. She knew this was going to happen to him, yet, she didn't try to help him. She merely wept and stepped aside for his Father to steal his life. Draco swallowed rising bile and waved his wand over his trunk, shrinking it. He waited for something to happen, an alarm of some sort, but none came. He picked up his trunk, the size of a box that you would hold a piece of jewelry in, and placed it in his pocket. He took his wand and also slipped it in his pocket. Grabbing a traveling cloak, Draco left his remade room, the house elves placing clean sheets on his bed.

Draco swiftly made his way back to the kitchen, opening up one of the many pantries in there and took out his broom.

_Where would I go?_ Draco thought. He didn't have a place to run to, and the Zabini's would definitely tell his Father about his whereabouts. Draco didn't care. As long as he flew away from this manor, he'd be fine.

Draco opened the entrance leading to the Garden. He mounted his broom, hoping his parents weren't awake, and took off.

* * *

**THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE:**

**A MISSING PERSON ALERT!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**SIXTEEN YEAR OLD MALE, SILVER EYES,**

**PLATINUM BLONDE HAIR**

**SURNAME: DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY**

**HEIGHT ESTIMATION: 5 FEET, ELEVEN INCHES**

**WENT MISSING THREE DAYS AGO**

**AWARD SET TO: 500,000 GALLEONS **

**IF FOUND ALIVE!**

**PEOPLE OF DIAGON ALLEY, PLEASE**

**KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THIS YOUNG MAN!**

**THIS IS A TRAGEDY TO OUR COMMUNITY.**

**LET US UNITE**

**AND COME TOGETHER TO FIND DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY.**

* * *

Hermione giggled as Blaise touched her hair, pulling at the yellow ribbon that laced through her thick amber colored hair. They weren't in a relationship, at least not yet, but they loved each others company, and Ron finding out about their flirtatious letters to one another during the duration of their fifth year angered him to his boiling point. Both Ron and she had made up, but not without some swearing, rude gestures and some intense tears. 

Hermione had stayed cool and calm during Ron's swearing, rude gestures and intense tears, like always.

Hermione and Blaise were walking around in Diagon Alley, she watched him out of the corner of her eyes, smiling down at her from time to time. She wanted badly to touch his lips and kiss them passionately, but it was her deepest secret, she would never act upon it. A long piece of parchment caught Hermione's eye on the window of Flourish and Blotts. She stopped to turn to read it—Blaise sighed (he knew that Hermione was obsessed with ads)— thinking it was an announcement for one of the new books Flourish and Blotts would be opening to the public; however, it was a missing persons ad. She gasped and nudged Blaise is the side for him to read it. Immediately Blaise's mouth dropped.

"Bloody hell!" Blaise shouted, looking at the parchment. A picture of Draco's arrogant face sneered down at Hermione and glowered at Blaise. "He's missing!"

Hermione reread the piece of parchment again. She watched as Blaise angrily mouthed the words missing, over and over again.

"Where could he have gone?" Hermione asked, not really interested in what happened to Malfoy. She searched Blaise's shocked face with concern.

"I—I—don't know. He—he—could have came to my place—mum wouldn't have cared, Phil is dead anyways." Hermione nodded her head. _This would be her seventh husband now_, Hermione thought amusingly.

"He'll be okay Blaise," Hermione said uncomfortably, patting Blaise on the shoulder, "I'm pretty sure he'll be all right Blaise!"

"But Draco's never done something this bizarre…how foolish of him! He's going to have the whole wizarding world looking for his selfish ass when he could just easily _go home!_" Blaise hissed, pushing Hermione's reassuring hand from off his shoulder. He took off without her, walking away from the parchment.

"Blaise! Wait!" Hermione yelled behind him. He turned to face her, his face filled with anger. It quickly fell when he saw Hermione lift her chocolate colored eyes to his, and he threw his arms around her.

"I'm sorry Hermione, I'm not mad at you…it's just, I can't believe he's missing! Draco of all idiots…" Blaise kissed the top of Hermione's head, "His prejudice…" Blaise kissed her forehead, "won't ever get…" Blaise kissed the tip of her nose and she closed her eyes, "in the way." He finally captured her lips, making Hermione lean against his chest; both her arms were pressed against his chest. She slid them up to wrap around his neck, bringing him down, his jet black hair tickled her cheek as she kissed him harder. He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed, growling against he lips, he lifted her, never breaking the kiss and twirled her. She opened her eyes to see that his were still closed, and she moved her lips from his, just enough to release a soaring laugh…

­

* * *

**Two Months later…**

* * *

"Get up you rotten bum! Get up and tend to those people, they're waiting for service!" yelled a tall dirty blonde boy. His hair came down to the base of his neck and was extremely shaggy. His cheekbones high, and his arrogant face set in place, he pulled back one of his nicely polished steel-toed shoes and kicked Draco, hard, in the stomach. 

Draco awoke immediately, screaming in pain and he, shaking, got on all four and wrapped his right arm around his stomach. On the spot he threw up what had been last night's dinner.

"GET UP! There's a man outside who's been waiting for a job, and he ain't payin' if he doesn't get a blonde to get him off!"

"I'm getting up Jonathan, Merlin, I just threw up…" Draco whined. He stood on his feet, grabbing his tiny trunk and dusting dirt that collected on his skin from the dirty mattress he had crashed out on. He held his stomach, the throbbing sensation increasing.

Jonathan's crystal blue eyes twinkled as he devoured Draco's tired form. Draco raked his eyes up and down Jon, taking in his tight jeans and black "Weird Sisters" band t-shirt.

"Who'd you fuck today?" Draco asked coolly. His temper rose, feeling jealous of Jon's mischievous smile.

"Just the most popular wizard in the world!" Jon giggled, moving to sit on the mattress Draco had just gotten off of.

Draco had been away from home for about two month now. He had a small calendar with him, and he saw that it was nearing the end of August. His heart fell. School would be starting up in less than three weeks. He missed his mother, and at times, his Father. Yes, the person that took away his innocence. He missed his bed, his room, and his mother's garden. He had been wandering the streets of Knockturn Alley when he ran into Jonathan Corbett, a young male run away. Draco had learned quickly how to survive with Jon's help. They moved from alley to alley, trying to find a place to lay their heads when night fell. No one bothered the two.

Not until one day, when a man by the name of Lucas Synthborn came into their lives.

He was older than the two, maybe around his mid twenties, and he was known for having excellent taste in people…

Mostly young boys

However, he gave Jon and Draco a place to sleep, and a never ending business of men of all different shapes and sizes to keep them busy. Draco, at first was horrified at the deal he had blindly made with Lucas. He would have to have sex with men? Probably older than his father!

The sickening thing was, was that Jon had eagerly said yes, bringing Draco down to earth with how serious living on the streets could turn. He'll never forget the sickening sound of the first customer. The loud breathing, the smell of dirty sweat and the painful grips that left him numb for days…

Jon stood by his side, but he would sometimes become strict with Draco around Lucas. He wasn't trying to be a show off, no. It's just, if Draco slacks off, then Draco would get severely punished, the majority of time he would be beaten by Lucas until he could hardly move. So Jon, wanting to keep Draco in line and away from the abuse, kept him moving, and took the blame if Draco did something stupid. Draco would feel horrible when he saw Jon return to their mattress, a busted lip and shiner on his flawless face because of him.

He remembered that shortly after meeting Jon and learning about his life, how much he missed his own.

* * *

**Flashback**

* * *

It was raining again, hard this top. The drops of water hit Draco's face, making him wake abruptly. He felt something heavy leaning against his stomach. As he lifted up, Jon had curled up on his side and was using Draco's flat stomach as a pillow. 

"Jon, get the bloody fuck off me!" Draco yelled, pushing Jon's head from off of his stomach. Jon awoke, screaming aloud. He gasped for air. He sat up on his butt and looked away wildly. "Don't try any faggot stuff with me Jon! I'll hex you!" Draco threatened, also sitting up. He scowled at the young boy.

Draco realized that Jon had his hands covering his face. He was crying in his hands. Lightening flashed above them. Draco and Jon had resided in a forest somewhere outside of Hogsmeade. They had traveled far for the first two weeks of Draco's runaway escapade. They set up camp in a small cave within the forest. Draco shivered against the night's air. It was pitch black outside, except for the lightening.

"Why are you crying Jon?" Draco asked, scooting a little bit closer to him. Jon lifted his face, and another flash of light lit up Jon's youthful and boyish face.

"I was thinking about my Mum. I miss her terribly, no matter what she did to me." Jon cried harder.

Draco felt the bottom of his stomach fall; he wanted to know more though. So he pressed him, "What happened?"

Draco could hear Jon sniffling. "Mum allowed for me to be beaten up by her boyfriend, bloody muggle! Mum's a muggle-born witch…I love her…but she allowed for him to hurt me…" Jon cried. Draco stiffened up. He didn't think about him being a half breed, nor did he even question it. He had befriended a half breed without knowing it.

He also realized that he very much liked Jon, he basically saved his life.

_We're in the same bloody boat._ Draco thought. _I'm no better than him._ Draco hated himself. His concrete wall of prejudice shattered and he wrapped his arms around Jon's shaking form.

"I went to Hogwarts, you know? I dropped out of Hogwarts last year. I was going to be a seventh year this upcoming year. Mum thought it was best for me to stay home year-round and protect her from her boyfriend. He had turned sour, started beating on her recently. He's been beating on me since I was eight, started molesting me when I was ten, didn't get what he fully wanted until I was fourteen. Then after that? It was like eating food with him. I was his daily snack. A couple of beating sessions in the morning, a few groping and forced kissing at lunch, and dinner, when mum was knocked out from drinking? It would be me and him, only." Jon had rested his head on Draco's shoulder, shaking. He gasped for breath as he wept for his mother…and most of all, for himself.

"My Father…he…" Draco couldn't say it. He couldn't bring himself to fully telling Jon what had now looked like nothing of hardship compared to Jon's. But they were both battered souls, trying to hold on to each other from falling into a pit of darkness. "He raped me." Draco finished. Jon looked up at him for a little and stared at him, his large crystal eyes shining with tears. "I didn't know what to do. He promised me he'd do it again, and I freaked out. I had to leave before he could—he could—hurt me again."

Jon took a shaking hand and grabbed Draco's, squeezing it. Draco felt something warm explode in his stomach by the mere touch of him. Draco lifted his eyes from their clasped hands to Jon's face. Draco drew close to Jon's face. He needed to know. He needed to know where he was. His confusion had overwhelmed him long enough. He needed to know if he was…if he was…

Jon caught Draco's mouth, kissing Draco hungrily. Draco was now on his back, Jon on top of him. His lips had now made its way to Draco's neck. Draco thrust his fingers lazily into Jon's hair. He moaned loudly, his member was being suffocated by his pair of jeans. Draco whimpered as Jon placed his lips back onto Draco's mouth. Draco opened his mouth and their tongues danced around, feeling, licking and exploring one another captivities. Draco clumsily slipped his hands under Jon's shirt, pulling it over his head. Jon wiggled a hand free to grasp Draco by his member, making him gasp. Draco closed his eyes and admired how Jon was stroking him. Draco had all sorts of strangled noises coming from his throat. Draco's head was now snapped back, lifted towards the caves ceiling. Jon was now unbuttoning Draco's jeans and Draco eagerly waited for him. He placed one tiny cold hand on Draco and stroked his bare flesh. It sent a burning sensation through Draco, making him cry out in shock. Jon looked surprised as well. He wrapped his hand around Draco, squeezing him a little, and then moving his hand up and down Draco's shaft. He continued the motion until Draco began to tremble. He cried out, one long and shattering cry, making tears form in the corner of his eyes. He glanced at Jon; his hand was covered in Draco's seed. Jon fearfully lifted it to his mouth...

Draco looked away, embarrassed. He covered himself with his hand, finding that difficult, Draco stuffed himself back into his boxers and jeans and began to button up. However, Jon placed his hand on top of his, making him stop. Draco looked questioningly up at Jon. He took Draco hand and kissed it lovingly.

"Don't be afraid."

"I'm not, I'm merely…I'm merely just…" Draco was lost at words. Instead, he lifted his hand and touched Jon. He responded just as Draco had. Draco was now above Jon, returning the favor, and experience Jon had done for him.

They lay together, underneath one ratty blanket, trying to stay warm in the cool night's air. Jon coughed quietly in his sleep, he rolled over, and so he was facing Draco now. Draco was still awake, thinking about what had just happened. Draco lifted a hand and touched Jon's face tenderly, making him moan in his sleep. Draco smirked.

"We're just two lousy faggots trying to stay alive, huh Jon?" Draco asked, slipping into an easy sleep.

* * *

**End Flashback**

* * *

"Oh yeah? What famous wizard?" Draco asked, crossing his arms and smiling at Jon. His arrogant face fell, and it was replaced by his charming smile. 

"Only the wicked tells their secrets Draco, and that, I am not," Jon said, sitting up on the mattress and blowing him a kiss. Draco merely dismissed it.

"Now you said I have a customer waiting for me?" Draco asked. Jon jumped.

"Bloody hell! You do, he's up front! C'mon I'll show you to him." He stood and led Draco from out of Lucas's back room. Lucas's business was carried out through his wand shop. It closed to the public at nine, but around midnight, it opened up for his other way of fortune.

Draco entered the store part. Lucas sat on the top counter, grinning ear-to-ear and flirting with Draco's customer.

Lucas was skinnier than Draco; he had what seemed like purple eyes and long golden hair. He was part Veela and loved the affect it had on his customers. Draco had had a go with Lucas once, a while ago when Lucas first wrapped them in his business. He told Draco he preferred his boys with pure blonde hair, why, he would never know…it was a Veela thing. Draco stood next to Lucas, looking like a charity case beside Lucas's hip clothing and a strong air of confidence.

"Oh! Draco! Here you are…you kept Mister…oh, I'm sorry baby, what did you say your name was?" Lucas asked peering at the man.

"It's Mister, just leave my name to that," said the man coldly. He was dressed in his traveling cloak, despite the heat. Draco looked him up and down. He was tall, maybe six feet, and thick, probably a muscular man.

"Alright Draco, go! He's to be back before…oh, let's say," Lucas glanced carelessly at his watch, "Mmm…I want him home by two! Bring him back, okay?" Lucas said. The man turned his back, expecting Draco to follow. Draco turned quickly to face Jon, kissing him briefly on the lips (something they did always before leaving) and followed the man.

Draco was led the man's broom. He told Draco to get on behind him, and Draco did as he was told. He had sold his broom a long time ago so he and Jon could eat. He missed flying. He wrapped his arms around the man's stomach. He flew off, and Draco suddenly didn't know where he was going. He yelled over the man's shoulder.

"Are we getting there?" Draco asked, irritated. The man nodded and went into a dive, making Draco scream out loud. He pulled out of the dive to fly over a small house.

"Jump off," the man ordered. Draco swung his legs over the broom and fell on his butt. The man sound familiar, but Draco didn't press the identity issue.

"So are we going to fuck or what?" Draco asked rudely. The man got off his broom slowly. Draco chewed on his lip, and moved toward the man. Draco tapped on his shoulder.

"Hey? C'mon, I'd really like to—" Draco was punched in his mouth, making him fall backwards. Draco covered his bleeding mouth with his hand. He turned and stood, facing away from the man and took off down the darkened alley. The man followed him, throwing his broom aside and chasing Draco down.

"How long have you been a runaway?" The man asked as he jumped on top of him, pressing his bleeding face into the grimy roadway. The Man fumbled with his zipper, releasing his member, letting it spring out. Draco froze, wondering how the man knew he was a runaway.

"Pull down your pants, and don't you dare fucking move!" The man growled. Draco did as he was told, with difficulty; the man was heavy on top of him. Draco was able to expose his bare rear to the man. He pulled out his wand and pressed the tip into Draco's entrance. He pulled it away and waited, he was muttering to him.

"Hey there…" The man said to Draco, "How old are you now?"

Draco sniffed back tears, his mouth throbbing. He ran his tongue through his teeth and noticed that he didn't have any missing teeth. "I just turned sixteen, sir." The man entered Draco, making him scream aloud in surprise. Draco started crying, he withered underneath the man, trying to escape from him.

"I don't want you to fucking MOVE!" The man yelled, he took his fist and slammed it in the back of Draco's head.

It was the last thing Draco remembered.

* * *

When Draco awoke, he was passed out on his mattress, Jon sitting beside him, fully awake. Jon looked like he was about to cry, or had been crying. Draco wanted to move but couldn't, his backside was sore. He made a strangled noise and Jon's alert eyes snapped down to his face. 

"Don't move Draco, you lost a lot of blood, and you need to rest."

"What happened to me?" Draco whispered. Jon looked at him again.

"YOUR FATHER happened to you Draco, your fucking, disgusting father happened to you! He was here! Supposedly, the man that was your "customer" collected your father's offerings for finding you and he dumped you here, almost dead, your father will come get you very soon, with the ministry, he told me. But not before injuring me," Jon said angrily. Draco's eyes ran over Jon. He saw that Jon's neck was bruised, probably from Lucius choking him. Draco let out a cry.

"I'm so sorry…" Draco whispered. Jon sighed, and looked at him again.

"It's not your fault Draco! I love you." Jon said quickly, without thinking. He stood abruptly from his seat on the side of the bed. "I—I—I didn't mean—"

"No, no. I love you too Jon. You're the only one…I've ever loved." Draco muttered, rolling onto his back, groaning. Jon carefully sat back down. He got on top of Draco, both legs on either side. Draco grinned up at him and Jon kissed him on his mouth slowly. Draco opened up, allowing for Jon to enter. They kissed lovingly for awhile, and then it got intense. Draco was now gaining some strength. He wrapped his arms around Jon's neck. Draco pushed Jon onto his back, they wrestled on the bed for awhile, and kissing, biting and groping each other until Draco grew tired. He sighed, exhausted and fell out on the bed; Jon kissed him on his cheek and fell out next to him.

"I'm going to miss you Draco…" Jon whispered, looking away. Draco shook his head.

"You're coming with me, no matter what. You're coming with me Jon."

"Your Father would never…"

"--He doesn't have to know—"

"—I love you so much," Jon said, capturing his lips again. The door to the back opened, a cold drift entered, making the two separate. Lucius Malfoy appeared, cloaked and Cain at the ready. He saw his son, dirty and laying on a bed with another boy.

"Step away from him, and I won't kill you…" Lucius said coldly. Draco reached over to grab Jon's hand. They stayed where they were. Lucius pulled out his wand.

"_Crucio!_"

"NOOO!" Draco screamed, jumping on top of Jon, taking the pain. He screamed, feeling every inch of his skin was on fire.

"PLEASE! STOP! I'LL LEAVE!" Jon cried. Lucius removed his wand from Draco, who fell at Jon's bent knees. Jon was on his knees on the bed, his hands raised as if showing peace. Draco reached out to rub tenderly at Joe's knee.

"Get up Draco!" Lucius ordered. Draco stood weakly to his feet, the pain still affecting him. Draco went to stand next to Lucius. Lucius snapped his finger and a large man entered the room from behind Lucius. The man moved over to Jon.

"Father, PLEASE! Don't…leave him…" Draco whined. Jon scrambled to his feet, running away from the man. Draco tried to run to him but he was knocked to his feet. He heard a piercing scream as the man Jon by the shoulders. He wrapped his large fingers around his delicate neck and squeezed. Draco screamed, crying loudly as the man squeezed harder, making Jon choke, his eyes fluttering.

"FATHER PLEASE!" Draco screamed. He escaped from his Father's clutches, but it was too late.

Jon was being thrown to the floor, and he fell in rubble to the floor. Draco cried out in anger as he held Jon's body to his, crying into Jon's shaggy hair.

He rocked his body back and forth. He wanted to die, his heart had died.

"Why?" Draco asked, over and over. He had dedicated his life, for two months, to a love that was spiraling. He had opened himself up to someone, he could see himself with in the future.

And he was gone.

Draco continued to cry until his boyfriend's murderer pulled him up and away from his fragile body.

"Father…how could you?" Draco asked, tears in his eyes. The big man lifted him, facing his father. Lucius slapped Draco hard across his face. This only made Draco cry harder.

"You better be quite Draco! You've been missing for two months! I see what you've been doing, disgusting…did you think you can get away from our tradition so easily? When you get home…I will have my way with you which ever I please after you clean the grime and blood that's polluted your body." Lucius said in a clipped tone. He turned on his heel and left the room.

* * *

Later, when he was once again in his bed and under Lucius, Draco gripped the green sheets. 

**He was in a lake of water, drowning.**

**His head went under once…**

**He couldn't breath, the water filled up his nostrils and he came back up to the surface again**.

Lucius was muttering rules that Draco had to follow to be the Malfoy he had to become. Lucius pushed into him rapidly, making him bite through his lip. Draco gripped his sheet more.

**His head went under twice…**

**This time, he swallowed the water, his lungs feeling as if they were about to burst. He came back to the surface again**.

Lucius had somehow retrieved a sharp knife and was raking it on Draco's skin, causing him to show rivers of blood.

"A tradition of strength, blood, and power…" Lucius whispered. "My Fatherly love to you my son…"

**His head went under a third time.**

**He couldn't reach the surface.**

**He's drowning…drowning…**

**Gone**

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I know, it was a very long chapter! But there is a lot more to this story, and I had to get it moving. **

**So Draco's only heart was crushed mercilessly by Lucius! The next chapter will be of Draco going back to school. What will happen? You will know soon. Please review. I really want you to tell me what you thought about this chapter. Too much to comprehend? Or just right? **

**Please tell me, your opinions matter so much to me, even if you have to sign in anonymous to tell me, lol! **

**Thank you all!**

**I love you! **


	3. The Battle of Two Wands

**Drowning in Spite**

**Summery:** The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N: PLEASE READ THIS!**

**DMHg 2GETHER 4EVER****: you can stop reading my story if you think it's "disgusting". Obviously you didn't read my summary! Hello, this is A DRACO/HERMIONE fiction. I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT. Thank you for pointing that out to me, because I am _SO BLIND_! (Please note the sarcasm, for those of you who are unaware of internet-talking i.e.-CAPS/italics). If you could politely read the summery and the bold thingy that says WARNING then you will know what is going on with my story. Thank you.**

**Surrounded By Idiots****: To answer your question: The reason why this is in the Draco/Hermione section is: Because it IS a Draco/Hermione story! Jesus, read the summaries people! I would hope that people were reading the A/N! **

* * *

**HERE ARE TWO AWESOME REVIEWS DOWN HERE!**

**Guys, these are possibly the BEST reviews I have ever gotten! It's so sweet! I love it; I want to say, to whoever wrote these reviews, THANK YOU!**

**Jimmy: **

"You are such an excellent writer. It's always interesting whenever an author on FanFiction delves into the life of a supporting character, and it's just amazing how you went into Draco Malfoy's, only seldomly mentioned as the bully that plagues young Harry's life.

And the plot - the rape, runaway, love affair - my God What creativity! I have never read a piece similar to yours on FanFiction, and I am certainly glad that I haven't. Your piece will be the standard all else will be compared to.

A note on your somewhat graphic details: keep them. They're so unique to you as an author. You plunge into ideas and themes most avoided. Keep it coming! I'm so thrilled to finally find a story that I can continue reading, knowing fully that the next chapter will surely not disappoint me! GREAT JOB!"

**Sophie Malfoy:**

**It's breathtaking. Amazing.  
Completely right and fantastically described.**

**I've both added you and your story to my favourites.  
It's really great and I'm counting the hours, minutes and seconds 'til you update. I'm really bad at counting backwards, so please do it soon.**

**-Sophie**

**But to all my other reviewers, Ienjoyed the very beautiful reviews andI'm sorry if you were offended by the way some of the slash happened, but please see this as a positive. I have introduced this story as a story of sexual exploration, coming of age, and finding yourself. (Please read the summary!) Thank you for the reviews, and keep them coming! They're wonderful! **

**I love you all!**

**

* * *

Chapter Three: The Battle of Two Wands**

**(Please read the A/N and after that, on with the story!)**

Draco slumped his way down the train's corridor, bumping into a new first year. Draco grabbed the young boy by his shoulder pushed him out of his way.

"Get out of my way you bloody moron." The boy squealed as he collided with the wall, turning to face Draco, shocked. Draco continued walking down the corridor, heading towards the Prefect's compartment, checking in like his school letter had said. He slid open the sliding doors only to run into none other than:

Hermione Granger.

"Out of my way mudblood…I'm checking in…" Draco drawled, pushing her into a seat. Hermione gasped as she fell sideways, but quickly got up to stand. Draco smirked, lifting up his schedule from off of a seat near the window. He skimmed through it, huffing.

"I can't believe I'll be spending patrol with a dirty little mudblood like you," Draco said coldly, turning to face Hermione. She stood, her arms crossed and she blinked several times, taking in Draco's shortly chopped blonde hair, only long enough for the ends to stick up in the back untidily, but it seemed that he had styled it to make the front longer than the back—it was long enough just to have his hair flutter in his eyes—his silver eyes, filled with no trace of emotion and his slightly thick pursed lips.

"They found you…they…found you all right?" Hermione asked concerned. She looked up at him questioningly from where she stood. Draco's temper rose, and he stepped swiftly toward her, pushing her violently into her seat, her back pressing against the cushion. His was threateningly close to her face, his nose flared out in anger.

"If I ever hear you talk about me missing…I'll kill you with my bare hands." Draco lifted off of Hermione, who looked extremely harassed. She drew out her wand, and pointed it at Draco.

"And, Malfoy, if you ever _touch_ me _again_, I will have your head on a platter, hanging up in my 'muggle of a house…'" Hermione huffed, she was spitting magic. Her eyes were wild, and her bushy hair seemed to frizz up even more. She flicked her wand and Draco slipped onto his back, as if a rug was pulled out from beneath him. As Hermione stomped from out of the compartment, Draco shouted after you—

"You bloody bitch!" He glared at the compartment door. She slammed it so hard, it shattered. She turned to look at her mess and then smirked daringly at his look of confusion. _What's her problem?_ He thought, repairing the window. _She's seriously acting like a Slytherin…heartless mudblood slut._ He thought nastily, getting up. He flinched, touching the lower region of his back. He hadn't fully healed from his Father's beating session from a couple nights ago. He had entered the stage of restless beating, day-in-and-day-out. His Father said it would make him stronger. Draco left the compartment, his schedule folded neatly and placed in the inside of his robe's pocket.

He peered into the compartments he passed, trying to find his posse. Finally he found them and he entered the compartment, closing it behind him. Draco stood, soaking in what was in front of him.

A very happy Blaise chatted up a gloomy Pansy who, surprisingly, had grown quite lovely over the summer. She had turned in her black short hair for dyed light brown and she wore it down her shoulders. She lightened up with the makeup, trying to be original, and her eyes looked more alive. Draco saw a cute girl, looking young and innocent…so unlike Pansy.

Crabbe and Goyle were reading comics, snickering once in awhile and looking over at Pansy when she wasn't looking.

"Why do you feel she'd do something like this? Why…why would she…say that to me?" Pansy asked sadly.

"Pansy stop worrying; just listen to what Herms said, okay? She's going to talk to the Patil girl, I'm pretty sure she's still interested—"

"PARVATI, her name is Parvati, Blaise and it wasn't just a summer romance, it was—"

"Draco?" Blaise asked, looking pass Pansy.

"What?" Pansy asked. She turned in her seat and saw Draco staring down at her. Her mouth dropped and she sprung from her seat, throwing her arms around his neck.

"MERLIN DRACO, where have you been? We've been worried sick—" Pansy stopped suddenly, her face frozen in a look of horrified pain. Draco was clenching her tiny wrists in his hands, removing them from his neck.

"Don't touch me…" He muttered, releasing her arms. Pansy stepped back, nursing her injuries. Blaise stood and gently sat Pansy in her seat. He glowered at Draco.

"Listen, I know you've been gone for awhile, but you can't just come in here thinking you can break people's bones! I know you might feel like you have some power over us, you know, having lived on the—"

"Don't even say it Zabini! I don't want to hear your swift tongue more than I want to hear Pansy's shrieking voice. No explanations, I simply don't want to hear it." Draco gave Blaise and icy stare, one that made Blaise visibly quiver in fear.

"What's gotten into you? You're not the same…" Pansy asked quietly. Draco sat down next to Crabbe.

"Shut it." Draco crossed his arms and looked out the window. Everyone in the compartment grew quiet.

_Bloody fools! They have no idea what they're talking about. They've missed me? I didn't miss them…no owls, no letters of concern or "hey, what's up?" whatsoever. No one cared about me._

Draco leaned back in his seat, his mind wandering over to his Father's bright face as he loaded his belongings in his personal driver's car.

"Have a lovely year Draco. Don't forget to write to your mother, you know how anxious she gets. Study hard. You know how I punished you upon your late arrival of handing me in your grades." Lucius said coldly. Draco shivered, scared of his Father's tone. He nodded.

"Yes Father."

"You're coming home for Christmas Break, be prepared." And with that, Lucius turned to leave.

Draco touched his left breast pocket. Snuggled deeply in his pocket was a folded picture of him and Jon, playing with Lucas's muggle-like camera when he wasn't looking. When he had developed the pictures, he had found the one snap of the two, arms wrapped around each other smiling as Jon held up the camera, snapping it. It didn't move like a normal picture…it was a little time, frozen just for Draco to remember. His lips were pressed outward, as if making a dramatic kiss and Jon's cheek was facing his lips, the cutest goof-ball smile ever. They were perfect.

But he was gone now.

And thoughts like that brought nothing but pain.

"Draco…blimey, are you okay?" Blaise asked concerned. Draco had wiped away a tear from his face. He hadn't noticed it.

"What? What do you want? I'm perfect, I had something in my eye…I didn't even notice." Draco said, getting upset again. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Draco bellowed, making Blaise jump.

"You don't have to yell…what the fuck has gotten into you?" Blaise asked, looking away.

"Nothing you'll ever be able to comprehend…" Draco muttered, relaxing against the seat…

* * *

"All right! All right! Settle down my little plants! I know we're all geared up for our very first lesson of NEWTS Herbology!" Professor Sprout shook her fat arms in the air, as if cheering. The class didn't respond with laughter, but, with groans of disapproval. "Oh! Lighten up!" Professor Sprout growled. It was their last class of the day before dinner, and they were anxious to get out of the heavily lit class. The lighting making the student's sweat in their robes, it was ridiculous. They were doing afternoon Herbology to deal with "deadly plants that only come out at night," but they've yet to see anything deadly upon arrival. She waddled past the students, trying to make it to the front of the extremely large table. 

"I've made some new arrangements to your partners. This is a Gryffindor and Slytherin class, am I not mistaken?" she asked, peering over a scroll she had opened in her hands. She reread what ever was on it, completely oblivious to the silent class.

"All right, Gryffindors will not be permitted to join with another that belongs to your house this year. Now, if you could kindly pair up with your partner when I say your name…"

After several groans, two failed attempts at hexing and a broken nose later, everyone was in their pair.

Draco growled. He had been paired up with his most hated enemy of them all, Harry Potter. Harry had grown about six inches over the summer, and his hair grew out wildly, to the point where it seemed he just couldn't manage it anymore. It framed his face extremely well, making the sharpness of his face stand out more provocatively. His green eyes gleamed behind his round wire rimmed glasses. Draco took all of this in as Harry stepped warily toward him. Draco sneered at him, turning up his face as Harry stood a good five feet away from him.

"All right! Oh, Hermione dear, I'm sorry, you've been paired up with Pansy," Sprout pointed towards Pansy who beamed at Hermione and waved her over. Hermione giving her an embarrassed look, Hermione walked over to Pansy. She had been late to class, and it was so unusual for her. Many of the Slytherins and Gryffindors alike stared at the two in shock. Pansy held Hermione's hand as Sprout continued her class.

"Well, today, we will be repotting baby mandrakes! Madame Pomfrey has set up an association for poor wizarding children across the worlds that are in need of the potions mandrakes can make! Who knows what the number one usage as of late is?" Sprout asked. Immediately, Hermione's hand rose.

"According to 'Witching Fitness' the mandrake potion is being used to bring people out of a coma, and is also being researched to help cure the muggle disease cancer by adding a formulated substance of truth serum. The truth serum yield as a 'clearing' field of the infected cancer cells and the mandrake solution awakens the person's healthy cells to help finish clearing off what the truth serum left behind. In simple words, it is like a vacuum." Hermione said with ease. Her speech made people look at her with surprise and some muttered "what's a vacuum?"

"VERY GOOD Miss Granger, twenty points to Gryffindor for that excellent explanation!" Professor Sprout exclaimed. Draco looked across the table to see Hermione flushed, Blaise was grinning at her from a distance. He felt anger swell in his stomach.

"Now, ear muffles on, and the pots are under the table." Professor Sprout slipped on the muffles, and waited until all the students had on their muffles. With a wave of her wand, garden tools such as small shovels, knives, fertilizer and soil appeared. Then, with another flick of the wand, the mandrake pots appeared.

Draco looked over at Harry, who was pulling up two pots. He handed one to Draco and sat one in front of himself.

"What the bloody hell are you doing Potter? I didn't ask you to get me my Pot. What do you think I am? A charity case?" Draco yelled angrily. He thought that in a sense, Harry was trying to call him weak. _I'm not weak! I'm stronger than you'll ever be._ Draco thought. He knew Harry couldn't hear his angered words; so instead, he elbowed the pot, making it fall off the table, cracking into pieces on the floor. All the while Draco stared menacingly at Harry, who mouthed the words "what the hell?"

Draco merely glanced over the rubble that he had created and bent under the table to retrieve a pot. He took the pot and placed it in front of him. He moved to gather some tools around him, and he gripped the roots of the Mandrake and pulled.

An ugly brown looking baby opened it tiny mouth. Tiny sharp teeth appeared, and Draco, distracted by the ugliness of the creature didn't see where he was landing the thing in the pot. It flopped in the pot violently, and somehow Draco felt that the thing was screaming louder. He reached over the pot to pull out a bag of soil, and the Mandrake, seeing this as an opportunity to get back a Draco snapped angrily at Draco's arm.

Draco released a high pitched scream of shock. He knocked the bag of soil out of his reach and instead grabbed the garden knife. He picked up the knife and dug the knife deep into the mandrake. Brown fluid squirted from out of the mandrakes wound, it shook its head, screeching. Professor Sprout came from behind him, pulling him off the mandrake. After being released from her grip, Draco took the knife and savagely raked it across the mandrake, stabbing it until the pot was covered with brown liquid. The mandrake's blood was spilling across the table and Draco made one last stab at the mandrake, and it stopped moving. Professor Sprout pulled at his shoulder, shaking him from his state of murderous behavior. Instead of that calming down, Draco turned the knife on Professor Sprout and sliced at the hand that was just on his shoulder.

She screamed, jumping back and nursing her bloody hand.

The class stared in shock as Draco wiped blood away from his face. He had killed a mandrake and cut Professor Sprout, without any remorse. Harry stepped forward, his wand pointed at Draco, Ron came to stand beside him, and somehow Hermione had come to the aid of Sprout.

"Get out of here Malfoy," Harry spat. His eyes were wild with anger.

"How can you attack a teacher Draco?" Pansy asked quietly. Her eyes were wide and shiny like glass.

"It didn't even BITE you!" said Hermione. She pushed Draco away from the desk. He was standing in a pile of the mandrakes blood.

"GET OUT!" Professor Sprout screamed. Draco walked out of her class, earmuffs still on until the Garden's door closed. He trembled as he made his way towards the castle, mid way he couldn't stop trembling so, and fell defeated to his knees. He held his stomach as he vomited on the spot.

* * *

"Was anyone else hurt by his break out Pomona?" 

"No sir, just me and the mandrake."

"I see Miss. Granger healed you nicely, very good, Mister Malfoy? Do you have any say in what you did?" Albus Dumbledore peered through his half-moon glasses at Draco. He was in his office, still caked in both Sprout's and mandrake blood. He wanted to be clean, but didn't have the chance. Soon after leaving, he had a pity feast by throwing up (it was the only way he had learn how to release his agony, whether in be voluntarily or involuntarily) and walking the corridors alone when classes were in session. Filch had caught him, and sent him to Dumbledore's office immediately.

"You look extremely ill Mister Malfoy. Is there anything you want to tell us?" Dumbledore asked. His eyes were not twinkling, and his tone was sharp and concise. Draco shuddered.

"No sir. I attacked the mandrake because I _thought_ it was going to attack me. And Professor Sprout…I…also thought would attack me."

"RUBBISH!" Sprout exclaimed. She gave Draco a look of shock.

"Mister Malfoy. You will be suspended from Hogwarts for the total of one week. You are to leave the premises immediately upon your parent's arrival. It is against school rules to attack a teacher, and you have broken that rule." The color in Draco's face drained.

"Please—please Professor," Draco had never begged to a teacher before, until now, "Don't send me home sir…I…I can't go home!" Draco began to tremble violently as he tried to push back tears. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow to survey Draco's horrible shaking.

"Mister Malfoy, are you okay?" Professor Sprout asked, moving towards Draco cautiously. Draco shook his head furiously.

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_And he entered Lucius room._

_It was dark, and he knew his father usually had an oil lamp on, dimming the surrounding and only leaving his ominous face to see._

_"You're late Draco. I don't like it when you're late," Lucius whispered._

_"I'm sorry Father." _

_"Are you? I couldn't tell. You're not standing straight enough for me to take you seriously," Lucius taunted, coming to stand behind his son. Lucius placed a cool hand on Draco's arm, and without warning he pulled it so violently, Draco felt like it would be ripped off. Lucius had him on the floor now, his knee in his back, and Draco's arm twisted in the wrong direction._

_Draco screamed, thrashing around on the floor. _

_"BE QUIET!" Lucius roared. Draco quieted down. Every few seconds he would whimper in pain._

_"Now, you will listen to me Draco. The next time you hide your grades from me again, I will place the Crucio curse on you." _

_Draco's eyes widen. He didn't know his father had found his markings. He knew he would be mad._

_"A mudblood Draco?__ You fell defeated to a mudblood?" Lucius twisted his arm further, making Draco bite the carpet on the floor from screaming out. "Say you hate her Draco. You hate Granger."_

_"I HATE GRANGER!" Draco screamed, crying finally, aloud._

_"You will KILL her if she EVER stood challenging to you."_

_"I WILL KILL THE LITTLE MUDBLOOD SLUT!" Draco screamed venomously. His Father was pulling so hard, Draco felt his bone dislocate from under all the pressure. His Father's weight in the small of his back was driving him overboard. _

_"I didn't say THAT, but it is accepted," Lucius said sneeringly. "Draco…if I ever get a complaint from your school or a humiliating report such as the one I found? I will tear you apart, limb from limb." Lucius whispered deadly. Draco was biting his lip, sniffing up tears and snot from crying. His father slapped the back of his head angrily._

_"Stop this crying Draco!"_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Mr. Malfoy?" Madame Pomfrey stood next to him, peering into his cloudy eyes. "He's had the worst panic attack I've seen in all my years Dumbledore. He's still sedated. Something really drove him over the top."

"I see, well Poppy, what seems fitting for his problem?" said Professor Sprout.

"You can't send him home if it's what gave him the attack in the first place. He'll be damaged when he comes out of his state of shock, both physically and mentally. I don't think I can reverse the damages…it looks like he's had a series of abusive behavior to the nervous system. What ever happened to him has caused him his health."

"I understand Poppy." Dumbledore grimaced, peered down at Draco's pasty colored face and looked back up at Madame Pomfrey. "Good night, I will check on him tomorrow morning."

* * *

"Well, Madame Pomfrey, I am a Prefect, and we share the same class, so I decided to stop by and…err…give him his work, and tell him that I've put in to have his schedule changed." 

"Well Miss. Granger, he is in there. I warn you, he is not quite himself, but I am sure he will respond."

Hermione walked cautiously towards Draco's bed, her arm filled with books, her own notes (of course a duplicate, never the original) and quills. Draco was sitting up in his bed; his hair fell into his face in a cluster of sweaty bangs. He looked unusually pale—sickly.

"Malfoy?" Hermione whispered. She miraculously got out her wand from under all the weights of the books and conjured a table. It flew besides Draco's bed, and Hermione placed the books there. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes. Slumped against his pillows, he looked at her finally.

"What do you want mudblood?" Draco asked weakly. His silver eyes were dark with hate. Hermione, despite the cold treatment, drew herself up professionally and looked him in the eyes.

"Humph! Very much like yourself! Well Malfoy, I brought your homework under strict orders of McGonagall. She also wanted me to tell you that your post for patrol has been cancelled until you regain your strength…"

"I have all my strength, thank you very much!" Draco shouted wildly. Hermione stepped back from him.

"What is this? Your strength? Malfoy, are you aware that you are in the hospital wing, and will be here for some time?" Hermione asked curiously. Draco froze at her words.

"What do you mean 'for some time'?"

"Madame did not go into detail with me, but she did tell me that you experienced some sort of distress, and that she will keep you here until you recover from this err…I would say, attack."

"You filthy mudblood…get the hell away from me! I can't even believe you touched my bloody BOOKS! You disgust me, and the whole wizarding world…" Draco spouted out. Hermione recoiled from his random burst of anger.

"Look, I brought you a copy of my notes, so you don't fall behind. Why I accepted to help you? I will never know. But you're nothing but an ASS Malfoy! And I regret ever trying to help you!" Hermione shouted, lifting her bag onto her back and storming off.

"I don't NEED your FILTHY help Granger!" Draco shouted after her.

The infirmary's door slammed.

Draco broke out in yet another cold sweat. His body trembled as the hospital wing grew once again quiet. Granger's haughty voice brought him some partial success, trying not to fall into a void of silence. But in the back of his head, he heard whispers of disgruntled past customers, his mothers weeping and the infuriated commands of his father. Draco lifted his hand to press against his ears, but the noises would not die. He cowered to himself, stricken with grief and shame—a shuddering proclamation of utter defeat.

Although Draco did not want to admit it, he was extremely afraid.

* * *

**Review please. The next chapter will be out ASAP, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. More to come--Romance, break-ups and backstabbing...**


	4. Class One Basketcase

**Drowning in Spite**

**Summery:** The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this. Expect the unexpected (not really but whatever, lol!)

**A/N: PLEASE READ THIS!**

**Oi****! I just wanted to say thanks to all the lovely reviews from amazing reviewers. Please believe me when I say that they were excellent, and touched me deeply. You guys rock! And I'm not saying it in a general-sort-of-way. I absolutely mean it! Keep them coming! . **

**Well everyone, this is going to be a short chapter! It is shorter than the others, if you think about it. You will find that this chapter is extremely important. It is the break of relationships/ones sanity.**

* * *

**Chapter Four:** Class One Basketcase (title inspired/taken from **iluvdanrad's **comment for chapter three. loved it!)

* * *

Draco snored loudly as he laid tangled in the hospital wings sheets. He didn't hear as Hermione Granger slipped him her recent notes under his arm as he continued his mid-afternoon nap. She tried to straighten out his hair before leaving, making a quick note of the bruise pulsating behind his neck. She stared at it intensively, noticing that he had used a bad concealment charm on it, before leaving the Infirmary. 

_Malfoy,_

_Again I'm leaving you notes from class._

_Please take into consideration the difficulty of each course you signed up for._

_I would hate it if McGonagall blamed me for your lack of responsibility._

_-Hermione Granger._

Draco stared blankly at Hermione's curly handwriting before balling it up and tossing it aside. He flipped through Granger's intense notes and he also balled those parchments up, tossing them to the side of his bed.

He wasn't a fool. If his Father ever found out what was going on with his schoolwork that involved Granger, he would be locked in the basement for a whole summer without food or water. Draco lifted his musky smelling school books, frowning at the way Granger had handled his books so carelessly. Draco looked up as he saw Madame Pomfrey bustling towards him, wand out.

"Mr. Malfoy, how are you feeling? I see you've gotten some of your arm strength back," said Madame Pomfrey, tapping her wand on his arm, smiling. Draco scowled and moved his arm from her wand.

"Don't touch me! How dare you…"

"Now calm down Mr. Malfoy! You still haven't regained the physical strength I would have thought you to have by this time. It's been nearly three weeks." Confusion spread across her aging face, her locks of silver hair was tied tightly in a bun, making her look severe and professional. Draco watched her as she lifted her wand and levitated the notes he had just thrown to the side of the bed. "Well won't you need these Mr. Malfoy? They're extremely important…it looks like Miss. Granger has put in a lot of her time—"

"I don't need help from the stupid mud—" Draco's tongue immediately stuck to the roof of his mouth, making it impossible for him to finish his insult. He looked around wildly; pass Madame Pomfrey's angry face to the tall, dark wizard that framed the infirmary's doorway. Harry Potter.

"Shut it Malfoy! You shouldn't be talking about the only person who's showing you any real feelings at this school. Where have your Slytherin pals been, eh?" Harry spat, walking towards Madame Pomfrey. She waved her wand over Draco, ending the spell Harry had used against him.

"ENOUGH! I won't have any wand fighting in here! And shame on you Mr. Malfoy for using such vile language!" Madame Pomfrey turned to talk to Harry, who beckoned for her to come farther away from Draco to talk.

Draco's temper rose as he watched Harry sheepishly smile at Pomfrey, and she patted him lovingly on the shoulder. _They all treat him like he's gold, that stupid Potter…_

* * *

**A few months later…**

* * *

Draco cleared his throat from the grim that came up through his chest. He sniffed up the snot that was quickly spilling from out of his nose and looked around at the Great Hall for any signs of life. 

It was a few days after Christmas, and his Father had decided to send him back to Hogwarts, explaining that he had "business" to take care of and their "teachings" would have to be put on hold until the summer. Draco cringed. He was sicker than ever, in addition to the flu he had contracted at home. It was one reason why his Father had sent him back so early—he didn't want to catch what Draco had, and didn't want to be bothered brewing him anything to fix it. His mother had disappeared for the holidays, deciding to travel to Manchester to visit some of her relatives. It was just him and his father, alone for two whole weeks.

Draco dropped his trunk in the corridor with a loud bang and sat on top of it. He had no magical assistance from anyone because he came back so early, and he couldn't perform any spell right because of his clouded nostrils and wheezing voice. He tried levitating his trunk, and ended up spraying water from the tip of his wand. And to make matters worse, Peeves the Poltergeist decided to come by and dump icy cold water on top of Draco's head.

So, here sat a very cold and very sick boy, trying to figure out what his next motive would be. He dug in his pocket to retrieve his wand once more and tried to dry himself off. Draco successfully set fire to his traveling cloak. He yelled, pulling it off of him and tossing it aside. He immediately jumped from off of his trunk to stamp out the fire. This caused him to cough up more of his cold, and he sighed, his breathing becoming stressed and heavy. He looked around the hall once more, and realized a figure was walking swiftly towards him. He needed all the help he would get.

Hermione Granger was patrolling alone. Her face gleamed with satisfaction as she carried a long list of logs for students who had had house points taken away from them. She stopped in her tracks as she saw Draco, drenched and hunched over in a pool of water.

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" Hermione asked. She waved her wand over him and the mess, drying it up immediately.

"I didn't—ask—for—your—help—mudblood!" Draco wheezed, spitting cold out so it landed in front of her shoe. She recoiled in disgust, and stepped around it.

"It's impolite to spit at a lady, Malfoy. Didn't your mum ever teach you that?" Hermione asked calmly but watching him cautiously.

"My mum would be proud if it had landed on your ugly face. And you're no bloody lady," Draco sneered, snatching up the handle of his trunk and dragging it away from Hermione. He slipped in his own spit and ended up toppling over his trunk and landing on the floor beside it.

"Sitting in your own filth, I see? You speak like the true scum you are Malfoy…" Hermione drawled, walking away from him. She added his name onto the list of logs, shouting over her shoulder as a flash of blue light whizzed pass her fluffy head—

"Ten points from Slytherin for trying to attack a Prefect. Happy New Year Malfoy…"

Draco lowered his wand, swearing loudly as the spell he intended for her exploded against the opposite wall.

"Are you off your rocker!" Blaise Zabini had appeared next to Draco, his face contorted with anger. He looked out of breath, as if he was running after Granger all this time.

"Are you going to help me up? Or leave me down here Zabini?" Draco shouted at him. Blaise growled.

"You tried to hex Hermione! Why don't you just bugger off Draco? Leave her be?" Blaise asked, pulling Draco up.

"The little tyrant harassed me FIRST!" Draco declared, pulling at his trunk once again. "And it's not like I could hex her anyways. The wrong spell hit that wall. I can't say an incantation clearly." Blaise levitated his trunk for him, walking away with Draco and occasionally looking over his shoulder to see if Hermione was there. "So, are you dating the mudblood now?" Draco asked darkly, watching Blaise from out of the corner of his eyes.

"Don't call her a mudblood, and no, we're not dating yet. She just said shewants to take it slow. She's really enjoying the bonds we have made over the summer, and she doesn't want to rush into a relationship without a foundation…of course I agree with her." Draco huffed, crossing his arms and coughed up cold. He took out a handkerchief and spat in it.

"Shut the fuck up Zabini," Draco wheezed, "You know you want to use that filthy creature for your own selfish needs."

"I actually like her Draco…I…I think I love her." Blaise stopped to face Draco, who also stopped, staring daggers at him.

"What?" Draco asked flatly. His blood was boiling in his veins now.

"But, of course she doesn't feel the same. She just got over Weasley. I reckon I can't expect too much from her?" Blaise asked airily, continuing his journey to the tower. Draco caught up with him.

"Are you trying to kill me _Blaise_? Because this bit of information is deadly."

"Oh! Finally you say my _name_!"

"I'm worried about you…that mudbloods gotten to you!" Draco shouted.

"She is under my skin and I can't complain."

"You don't even sound like yourself anymore," Draco said sadly wiping his nose against the soaked handkerchief. Blaise's well crafted eyebrows shot up.

"And you Draco? You haven't been right since school started! It's like you've been walking around with a stick shoved up your ass!" Blaise snapped back. Draco finally lost it. He grabbed Blaise by his white polo and slammed him against the wall.

"BLOOD TRAITOR!" Draco punched him across the face. "BACKSTABBER!" He slammed his head against the wall, and Blaise slid to the floor, staring up at Draco in complete and utter shock. Draco took a shattering gasp and pulled out his wand, pointing it directly at Blaise's face. "FILTHY ANIMAL…" He was about to hex him, when his wand flew out of his hand, and he heard the shattering cry of a girl. He turned to see Pansy holding his wand and her own in her hands.

"YOU BLOODY COWARD!" Screamed Pansy, tears flowed freely down her face. She dropped what looked like books from the library. They wailed as the pages flew open, screaming outfrom the assult.Draco shook himself. He shivered as he turned to see Blaise gently touching his face. His eyebrow was bleeding and also his lip. He looked down at his shirt, blood was dripping everywhere. Blaise coughed, and out came a bloody tooth.

Draco gave her a deadly look before walking towards her. She shook badly, her wand trained on him, but he had grabbed her and gotten his wand out from her tiny fists. He pushed her so hard she fell on her rear, crying out in shock. She cried, "Draco! What's gotten into you! Please…tell me what's wrong!" Draco blankly turned to her, his eyes grew dark and he stood above her, grabbing her ponytail and pulling it fiercely.

"You better watch it Parkinson…" Draco threatened. He released her hair only to wrap his fingers around her neck. "I wouldn't be afraid to snap your tiny neck in half. Just stay out of my way," Draco wheezed. Pansy's fingers pulled at Draco's hand as she gasped for air. He watched her struggle for breath, her face losing some of its color before releasing her. Pansy fell at his feet, gasping for air.

"You bloody bastard…you wait…I'll get you for this…" Pansy muttered. Draco squatted beside her, snatched up her wand, and snapped it in half. Pansy released a wild scream, but not before Draco had snatched her up again. He grabbed at the front of her shirt, flipping her onto her back and having the v-tip of the shirt wrap tightly around her throat, exposing her stomach and chest. She tried franticly to cover her bra with her hands. She screamed as he dragged her towards the entrance of the Slytherin Tower. Before Draco could get her there, Blaise had came from behind him and knocked him to his back.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" Blaise bellowed, having thrown himself on Draco. They struggled on the ground for some time, Draco throwing wild punches and Blaise, who was trying to keep Draco's balled up fists away from his face.

Draco dug his nails into the side of Blaise's neck, as Blaise wrapped his hands around Draco's. They were both trying to suffocate the other, until a loud crack emitted the empty corridor.

The last thing Draco remembered was seeing something red drip from above him. He released Blaise's neck, watching the fearful expression cross Blaise's face, and touched the top of his head. It was wet and the top felt oddly shaped. He saw the red wipe away onto his hands, and Draco removed himself from off top of Blaise. He was now slowly falling onto his stomach, passing out into a world of darkness.

Above him stood a shaking Pansy with an extinguished torch from off the wall, covered in red.

* * *

"Well I was scared Blaise! What was I to do? He was going to kill you!" 

"Shhh…I have to concentrate Pansy, I'm pretty sure the damages are reversible, let me finish brewing this potion, okay? Everything will be all right."

"Do you think he'll remember what happened?" Blaise asked.

"I don't know…but that is the least of our worries Blaise. We have to heal him before he goes into shock."

Hermione was holding her "Magically Careful! (101 Ways to fix a fixie)! " Guidebook. She was stirring a small cauldron filled with a bright yellow liquid.

"But you said it was supposed to be pink!" Pansy said nervously, pointing at the contents of the cauldron.

"I know that Pansy, but I added something else in here that'll help him go into an easy sleep as he heals."

"Oh." Pansy whispered. She wrapped her arms around her body and sighed.

"He became an animal! You saw the hate in his eyes, right Blaise? I didn't mean to hurt him, it's just, he was going to kill you!" Pansy protested. Hermione looked over at Pansy; she was twisting the bottom of her shirt in her shaking hands. Blaise went over to her to wrap a consoling arm around her.

"Thanks Pansy, it's going to be okay." Blaise kissed the top of her head as she wrapped herself into him. Hermione gave him a sideways glance before stirring the potion once more. She pulled out a small glass and a large spoon. She poured half a cup of blindingly bright liquid and walked towards Draco.

They were in the sixth year boy's dorm. It was brilliantly furnished, with four poster beds draped in thick green sheets, blankets and shades. Draco lay sprawled out on his bed. Hermione had enchanted him so his wrists were tied to the bed. He unconscious now, but they didn't want to take any risks. Hermione had stopped his excessive amount of bleeding and had wrapped his head with heavy bandages she had nicked from Madame Pomfrey's office when she wasn't looking. Blaise was terrified when he had cornered her in the Gryffindor Tower about Draco. She couldn't turn away from a dying boy, even if he did hate her with a passion.

She didn't want to go home for the holidays nor visit Ron's family like Harry did either. She told them both that she needed to stay at Hogwarts, for homework and studying. The believed her, and left her alone.

But it was actually because Hermione wasn't in a very Christmas-y mood. She didn't want to crash on anyone's joy, nor did she want to suffer for five weeks with fake smiles and forced laughter, claiming that she was having the best Christmas ever. She wanted to stay with Blaise and Pansy, and spend her Christmas with the Slytherins that she previously had hated so much.

But here she was, having learned of Draco's wild attempt to kill Blaise and Pansy, his two good friends. Hermione had recognized a change in Malfoy, but put it off as adolescents kicking in for him. But something was surely up with Malfoy. And she was going to find out one way or another. She had to know what brought this on. But right now, her main goal was to heal Malfoy before some permanent damage occurred. She brought the tip of the glass to Draco's lips, and slipped it into his mouth. She drained the glass and closed his mouth, forcing the substance down his throat.

Hermione gave a triumphant grin as the wound on the back of Draco's head began to softly glow yellow.

"He's healing," Hermione declared, clearing away the cauldron's remaining substance with a cleansing charm. Blaise released an awaited sigh and Pansy giggled nervously as Hermione checked his pulse and removed the bonding of Draco's wrists.

"Good, this is really good. Do you think he'll remember everything that happened?" Pansy asked.

Hermione shook her head, "no, no...He won't remember a thing! That hole you gave him made sure of that."

"You're a genius…" Blaise moved over to Hermione, wrapping his arms fully around her. She smiled up at him as he sweated badly. Both he and Pansy came very close to committing murder.

"I know…all this looks bad, but it was self-defense. He was really about to kill me, you should have seen his expression," Blaise murmured, pressing his lips against Hermione's cheek. She immediately detached herself from him and looked away.

"Blaise…" she started. She quickly glanced at Pansy, who was shutting the dorms door, waiting outside for her. She grew more confident and started again, "Blaise…I really care about you. No, scratch that, I love you," Hermione declared, looking up at him with determination. "But I can't…I can't be with you." The words were out. Blaise stared back at her blankly.

"Why?"

"I don't know if I'm ready…I don't know…" Blaise grabbed her by the elbows and brought her to him. She crashed against him as he attacked her with his lips. Hermione gave up fighting and melted into the kiss, her arms going around his neck as he entwined his fingers in her hair. Hermione whimpered and pushed away from him.

"I can't! I just can't! Blaise, right now, I really need you as a friend…not as my boyfriend!" Hermione yelled as she took several steps away from him. He gave a shuddering cry and fell out on the floor.

"You're breaking me apart Hermione…you led me on…thinking…"

"I'm sorry Blaise! I didn't know what I wanted…I…know that I need you in my life, but as my best friend. Please." Hermione waited, her arms crossed and her face solemn. Blaise stood and made his way towards her, his arms went around her.

"I'm here…" Blaise whispered. Hermione cried into his shoulder as he stroked her hair. "I'm here okay? I won't push you, I promise."

Hermione allowed for him to hold her as she cried. She hated herself, because she wasn't crying really. She hated that she had to force herself to cry in order to break off a relationship that _might_ have happened. What were her motives? Blaise was attractive, funny, smart…but something told her it just wasn't what she wanted, that she needed more time. That her heart would soon cake and allow for Blaise to enter her life.

She glanced over at the sleeping form of Draco Malfoy. She'd have to keep watch of him while he recovered. _If only he knew…_ She thought, watching Draco's angelic face. _If only he knew I really cared._ Hermione used Blaise's shoulder as a handkerchief as she wiped away her cheek. Blaise and Pansy wouldn't risk taking him to the Hospital Wing and him ratting them out. She'd have to heal Malfoy on her own. She'd have to deal with the class one Basketcase of Hogwarts. She was determined to know what brought down his terminal illness of the mind, and find a way to fix it.

As Blaise continued to soothe her, she made note that Malfoy would never take her generous offer; he would never know the healing hand that would touch him ever so. She didn't know why, but pity had replaced her hatred for the boy, and she needed to find out why.

_But he would never know_, thought Hermione before closing her eyes and releasing a real sob.

* * *

**Okay? So is it too confusing? I'm trying to fit in Hermione's feelings of this whole situation. See it as a growing feeling of DETERMINATION. Hermione is the type of character, that when she sees a challenge, she takes it fully on. Do not see what she's feeling about Draco too romantically. This is just the beginning. Please review!**


	5. Love?

**Drowning in Spite**

**Summery:** The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this. This chapter is very dark **and there is slash**. So please, don't read it if you're offended by this. But, I do admit you will miss a large understanding of this story if you skip it. But you're warned. So enjoy the chapter.

**Hogwarts June 2004 Last Day of School –So I'm speeding past the school year to get to the Seventh year (which is extremely important, these first four chapters serve as an introduction. It's all good) **

* * *

**Chapter Five**

**Love?**

People  
They don't mean a thing to you  
They move right through you  
Just like your breath  
But sometimes  
I still think of you  
And I just wanted to  
Just wanted you to know  
My old friend...  
I swear I never meant for this  
I never meant...

Don't look at me that way  
It was an honest mistake  
Don't look at me that way  
It was an honest mistake  
An honest mistake

Sometimes  
I forget I'm still awake  
I fuck up and say these things out loud

My old friend  
I swear I never meant for this  
I never meant

**-The Bravery, An Honest Mistake**

* * *

Draco paced the corridor, waiting for Blaise to step out so they could hurry down to lake for lunch. It was the last day of school, and Draco had a ball of fear sitting in his stomach waiting to explode. He never mentioned the Christmas incident, and never questioned what happened afterwards because he didn't remember. All he did remember was waking to see a rather frustrated Granger sitting at the foot of his bed looking over his homework from break. He had sworn at her, even thrown at her his alarm clock. She immediately jumped from off of his bed and hexed him. He was walking around with elf ears for a week. He remembered her wiping away tears from her eyes as she dropped his work and grabbed her robe. She whispered "Goodbye for Good…" as the door slammed behind her. He didn't know what it meant and frankly, he didn't care. She had left her notes behind, her non-originals of course.

* * *

Flashback

* * *

"He's getting better?" Asked Blaise 

Hermione was standing over Draco's bed, holding a large thermometer in her hands. She slipped it in between Draco's sagging lips and waited for his temperature to read.

"Well, his fever broke. That took forever; I thought that Potion would never work."

"Well it did. You're a genius." Blaise broke the little space that divided the two on Draco's bed. Hermione looked at him nervously, and stood from the bed. Blaise's hand shot up and grabbed her about the waist; the thermometer fell from her hands.

"Blaise…"

"Hermione, wait. C'mon now! Can't you see that I'm completely smitten by you? I can't help it if you're attractive, and my heart aches for you. I'm in love with you damn it! You don't know how lovely you are…and I need you." Blaise lifted his perfect indigo eyes to her brown ones, and a little of her fell apart.

"I…I'm flattered."

Blaise dropped his arms from around her.

"I'll never be good enough for you, will I? You'll continue to leave me here, on a thread, waiting! You're not ever going to consider us as a couple, because you're…you're…_afraid._"

"I'm not afraid Blaise! I'm spacing my time, and right now, I'm not ready to have a boyfriend!" screamed Hermione. She pushed him away and turned from him. Her eyes stung with tears and she slammed the Dorm's door and ran out of the Slytherin tower.

Later that day, Hermione went back to Draco's dorm to check on him, Blaise had left upon her arrival, muttering that he needed to take an emergency walk around the corridors as he shut the door.

Hermione pulled out her wand and began to stabilize Draco; she began to unravel his bandages, satisfied to see that he had healed nicely. She also noticed, with delight, that he was starting to mumble in his sleep. She smiled to herself and she began to clean the area around Draco's bed. She picked up tossed parchment, sweaty ties and old socks and tossed them back into his trunk. She found his Advanced Charms homework lying beneath his sock, and sat on the corner of his bed looking over it. She wasn't grading or editing it. She was lost in the admiration of his font—she always had a thing for perfect handwriting.

"John…"

Hermione froze and turned to see Draco stirring in his sleep, his eyes now flew open.

"Draco? Are you okay?" She asked, placing down his work.

"GRANGER! What are you doing in my dorm?"

"This is THE BOYS dorm, not YOUR dorm," Hermione retaliated.

"Well Granger, since when have you been owning up to having a dick?" Draco asked profoundly. Hermione blushed deeply and stood abruptly to her feet.

"I'm not staying, I'm leaving…"

"You better be you filthy whore! Staying around to shag Blaise? He only wants you for shagging purposes only!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Hermione exclaimed, turning to stare at Draco's sneering face.

"It is so. Has he sprouted the, "I love you" bit, on you yet? He uses that with every girl he wants to SHAG."

Hermione stood rooted to the spot, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Shut up Malfoy…I don't believe you…just stay out of my life." Hermione stomped out of the dorm, whispering under her breath.

* * *

Blaise came from behind the portrait. He was dressed in khakis and a "Pink Floyd" shirt. 

"What the bloody hell are you wearing?" Draco asked angrily, pointing at his shirt. Blaise shrugged.

"Hermione gave it to me for my birthday. It's a muggle band; I heard some of the music she has. It's really good."

"Don't talk to me about her."

"Fine…but you asked."

"I did not. C'mon, let's go."

As they descended towards the lake, Draco caught a flashy of bushy brown hair. Out flew a rather giggly Granger. She threw herself on Blaise, who laughed aloud, and grabbed her about the shoulders.

Granger was dressed to the tee. Draco never realized how much leg the girl had. She definitely showed it off in her Denim skirt. It was about five inches above her knee and she wore a yellow shirt that was tight, showing off more than the opposite sex _should_ handle. Draco wasn't aroused nor pleased to see her accessories, he dismissed the look of lust that flashed across Blaise's face and ignored the two as they made their way down to the lake.

"Blaise! I'm so happy you're coming home with me! My mum and dad are going to flip when they meet you! You're so cool." Hermione said, pulling at his arm. "They're so used to seeing Harry and Ron! They were waiting until I got someone else…someone more interesting and definitely cuter!" Hermione exclaimed, pinching Blaise's cheek.

"Still doesn't excuse the fact that Weasley and Potter are going to be there. Your parents don't mind _three _boys staying in their house with such a beautiful girl?" Blaise asked, smiling. Hermione blushed.

"Excuse me…but shouldn't you be off doing whatever mudbloods do?" Draco asked chillingly. Hermione stopped smiling and stared at him.

"And should you be doing what ever pricks do?" Hermione asked cautiously. She watched as Draco's unusually pale face gained color in his cheeks. He turned to face her, his fist raised. Hermione pushed Blaise so he couldn't stop Draco. Draco held his fist high, his face contorted with both confusion and anger.

But he didn't hit her.

"Granger…" Draco whispered warningly. He wanted to punch her, hell, he wanted to kill the little cretin, but he couldn't.

"Go ahead Malfoy. Do it. We all remember that sometimes we get mad…but why would you hit me? I didn't cause you this anger." Hermione took a step back, missing by mere inches as Draco swung his fist at her. It was then that Blaise grabbed her by the waist and pushed her behind him.

"All right mate, that's enough of that…remember, Hermione here is just telling the truth…" Blaise said coolly, walking away from Draco. Draco stood where he was, and watched as Hermione tossed her sunlight-amber hair to the side.

His insides twirled in a fit as he watched her walk away…

* * *

Hermione stumbled onto the balcony, a bottle of vodka clenched in her tiny hands. She giggled as Blaise wrapped an arm around her waist. She could feel his erection press against her, and he took the bottle from her and tipped the contents back, drinking from the clear bottle deeply, he then handed it back to her and watched as she drank deeply too. She turned to face him and kissed him longingly on the lips. She moaned loudly as their tongues danced. Hermione didn't know that Blaise was slowly unbuttoning her blouse until it was too late. It was falling behind them, swinging gently in the summer's cool air to land in the pool that was underneath the balcony. She shivered as Blaise kissed her on the neck, his hands massaged the back of her neck and she moaned and gasped as he moved up and down her neck to recapture her luscious lips again. He nibbled and licked. Hermione, in her drunken stupor led his hands down her bare belly, to rest on her. She kissed him, encouraging him to move further down. His hand slipped under the thin layer of cloth that served as a skirt. He slipped a finger in her, enjoying the smoothness of her, and he entered her and she cried out. He rubbed her swollen nub, and nearly climaxed as she shuddered against his hand. He couldn't take it anymore. He pulled from out of her and grabbed her knickers, yanking them off. Hermione's eyes grew wide with fear as Blaise lifted her up onto the corner of the Balcony, making her scream aloud. She was going to fall backwards in the position Blaise had her in. Hermione no longer wanted to feel what she had felt earlier with Blaise, she no longer wanted to be at this party, and she no longer wanted to be on the balcony. Blaise was unzipping his pants and pushing his boxers open to allow for his erection to spring out. He looked up at her and smiled. 

Her throat was thick with liquor.

She kissed him instead, trying to push her tongue as deep as she could in his throat. He grabbed her from off the balcony, in fear that she might push away hard enough and fall backwards. He pushed her to the balcony's ground, and pressed down on her. The music blasted, engulfing her screams and moans, blending it. He kissed her heavily. Hermione began to struggle as her brain comprehended what was about to happen. Hermione whispered 'no' as she looked up in Blaise's red shot eyes. She cried out in fear and pain as Blaise entered her. She withered under him, her nails digging into his upper arms.

She entered the downstairs foyer, watching as familiar faces from school entered the rooms, falling on one another in a drunken frenzy. Hermione vomited on the spot and tried to cover herself with her arms, her black bra showing and her skirt torn to the side. She had blood running down her legs, and tears, down her face. She didn't know where the bathroom was, and she didn't know where Harry or Ron was. She felt dizzy as she gripped the corners of the walls to hold her up. She coughed up globs of saliva as she made her journey to the front door. As she threw open the door, a gust of cool summer air hit her, and there, stood Ministry officials, dressed in their dark robes and wands pointed at the ready. Hermione cried out as one of them grabbed her by the arms, shaking her.

"Hermione? Oh God, are you okay?" asked a familiar voice. Hermione, through her blurry eyes could make out the bubble gum pink hair of Tonks. Tonks looked her up and down fearfully, "Oh God Hermione, who did this to you?"

Hermione remembered falling onto her knees, exhausted as Tonks tried to lift her from the ground. Hermione could feel her body shake and tremble.

Draco trembled as his Father smiled ruefully at him.

"My dearest son, look at you, nearly a grown man!" Lucius pushed Draco down into an armchair, handing him a short glass filled with strong fire whiskey.

Draco took the glass from his father and sipped it, his face turning up in disgust as the liquid burned his throat. Lucius glared at him. Lucius gaze softened as Draco took another sip without the upturned facial expression. "I truly love you Draco, like a father should love his rising son…" Lucius drawled. Draco's heart pounded…he ached for these words. He yearned for his father's love, and now, it was there.

"I love you too Father." Draco shivered at the impact of his words. He sat on his father's armchair, with nothing but pajama pants on, his shirt, removed.

"We are unique…" Lucius continued, sitting across from Draco. "You have bypassed a very difficult summer, and now the process will be easier for you."

Draco shivered as his father stood.

Draco felt the piercing of his skin as his father gripped him by the shoulders, his nails digging into his pale flesh. He captured his son's lips, opening his mouth under his, Draco growled against his father's lips and at the same time, inwardly punishing himself for having such a reaction. Lucius lifted Draco, bringing his body close to his and massaging the small of his back as he continued to kiss him.

Immediately, Draco saw the softness of his father, the brutal honesty of a man on the brink of his insanity. The softness, however not worthy of any sympathy, Draco saw an evil layer of his father that was not protected. It was naked and unsure. And for a second, Draco could see the insecurity of his Lucius.

* * *

"Hermione here is a champ, she's Head Girl!" Ron exclaimed, throwing a protective arm around her shoulders. She sighed and snuggled against Ron's built arm. Harry smiled at her as she blushed and glanced again at the letter in his hand. 

"It's not like we didn't know you'd get the position, you are the smartest with in the Wizarding World." Harry complimented, his eyes glowing with warmth as he did so. Hermione grinned and reached out to hug him.

They were at the Barrow. Enjoying what few days that had left of Vacation. She had subconsciously berated herself daily because of her action's at the party for Blaise's 17th birthday. Hermione hardly remembered anything at all from that night, but she did remember losing her virginity to Blaise. She wrote it off as a bad first experience to a boy that truly loved her. Hermione remembered the ministry the day after, holding her in an infirmary until her parents came by. They were frightened, and her mother wouldn't stop crying. She wanted to let them know that she was going to be okay, and that she had wanted it, but she knew they'd never understand.

She remembered being afraid and feeling pain and fear and…other things that she can't possibly explain. But all in all, she hated it. And she still had nightmares about it. And in it, she's being torn apart.

And she doubted herself daily. Did she really want what Blaise gave her? The exhilarating pressure of sex and the fear that came with it was more than she could handle.

But she had done it.

"Hermione?" Ron shook her. She snapped out of her trance, and smiled up at him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, just thinking…I was wondering if I could go into Diagon Alley to get school supplies. Do you guys want to come?"

"Yeah, let me go change into my khakis," Ron stood from the table in the kitchen and slapped Harry on his shoulder.

"C'mon mate, shopping it is." Harry jerked. He had been staring intensively at Hermione's glowing face. She had chopped her hair off, leaving it curly and short, framing her face magnificently. She had her bangs hanging carelessly in her face, hiding half of it. She lifted her hand and pushed the strands behind her ears. Harry swallowed hard and stood from the table.

"See you in a jiffy 'Mione," Harry whispered, following Ron up the stairs.

Hermione waited patiently as Harry and Ron changed from out of their pajamas. She fidgeted in her seat as she closed her eyes and saw the scary demeanor of Blaise. He towered over her, like a giant and his arms reached out, long limbs of destruction, to grab her about the waist and pull her towards him.

She opened her eyes to the sound of Ginny's yawn.

"'Ello Hermione…" Ginny said within her yawn. She sat across from her at the table, glancing quizzically at her. "Are you okay?"

Hermione jerked, "Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm perfectly fine!"

"We care Hermione, that's all…after the whole Blaise thing, we—"

"—He did nothing! We had sex, okay? Nothing more, nothing less…" Hermione said angrily, standing from her seat. She pushed the chair back and left the kitchen. Her heart pounded against her ribcage, she felt the fear entering into her veins, and tearing at her conscious.

"Hermione? We're done…did you ask Ginny if she wanted to come?"

"Yeah, she can't come…" Hermione lied, reaching the front of the house, where the fireplace stood. She opened a small jar filled with floo powder and tossed it into the roaring fire.

"THE LEAKY CAULDRON!" Hermione bellowed. The flames engulfed her as she twirled in the fireplace, passing many other fireplaces until she landed heavily on her feet in front of Tom.

"Hello Tom…"

"Hello Ms. Granger, pleasure to see you again," Tom gave her a toothless grin and continued to scrub tables. Hermione waited near the fireplace for Harry and Ron to follow suit, but they were taking too long. Hermione left a message with Tom for Harry and Ron, and left the pub.

* * *

He stepped out of Flourish and Blotts, his parcels clenched tightly to his chest when she fell into him. 

"Hermione?"

The boy dropped his books and grabbed her about the shoulders, pulling her to his chest.

"Let go of me Blaise!" Hermione growled. She pushed away from him and surveyed his over-the-summer transformation. He was taller, much tanner and impossibly much more handsome. She shivered.

"You look…amazing." Blaise's eyes dropped up and down her figure and she blushed.

"Blaise, stop…"

"You know I would never intentionally try to hurt you Hermione, you know that…" Blaise ran a hand down her arm.

Hermione dropped her eyes to his chest and sighed, "I know."

"BLAISE?" Pansy came running towards him. "BLAISE!" She collided into his arm, having not seen Hermione; she pulled him to face her.

"OH BLAISE!"

"Pansy! What's going on?"

"IT'S DRACO! HE'S BEING CHOKED THE LIFE OUT OF BY HARRY POTTER!" Hermione peeked around Blaise's shoulder.

"HERMIONE! Oh my God, they're at the bank!" Pansy cried out, "I tried to stop them, but they wouldn't budge!"

Hermione took off, Blaise behind her.

When Hermione reached them, Harry had Draco against the floor, blood was smeared on them both, but Harry gripped Draco's neck, as if at any moment, it would snap.

"HARRY! NO!" Hermione screamed, running up to him.

"YOU BLOODY FAIRY!" Harry screamed at Draco. "ADMIT IT! You fucking nance!"

Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry's chest, pulling him with all her strength, backwards.

Draco released an anguished cry as Harry flew backwards, landing on Hermione. Draco scrambled to his feet and kicked Harry in the stomach.

"You fucking prick!" Draco yelled, continuing to kick Harry in the stomach. Hermione lie underneath him, and felt the blow as well.

"STOP!" She screamed. Harry had now grabbed Draco's foot and pulled him over, colliding into the pavement as bystanders began to crowd around them.

Draco fell over as Harry stood up, gripping his abdomen, he reached over to pull up Hermione.

"Bloody nance…I'll kick your arse!" Harry muttered, kicking Draco in the back. He spat on him as he began to walk way, Hermione stood in between the two. She looked at Draco's arched form, trying to stand. And then she saw Harry, wiping the blood off his face with his shirt, Ron standing next to him, excited.

Hermione kneeled next to Draco, her wand out.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, cleaning his wounds. Draco turned his head to look at her. His face frozen in utter disbelief as he analyzed her face. Hermione placed her small palm on his cheek, wiping away what had been a tear.

Draco pushed her away from him. She fell back on to her butt as he stood angrily, walking away from her.

* * *

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, Ms. Granger told me to tell you both that she will be at Flourish and Blotts, and for you two to meet her there immediately," Tom said brightly. Harry and Ron both thanked him. 

"Why couldn't she just wait for us? Harry asked, opening the gate to Diagon Alley.

"You know how she's been lately…in a rush," Ron replied.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." They entered, walking pass the crowded streets with difficulty. Out of the corner of his eyes, Harry saw a dark figure walk swiftly towards Knockturn Alley. A streak of blonde hair blurred his vision.

"Malfoy…" Harry muttered. Ron looked around wildly.

"What about him? Where is he?"

"He just turned into Knockturn Alley," Harry's eyes narrowed.

"Do you want to follow him?"

"Yeah…c'mon." Harry pulled Ron towards the entrance leading to Knockturn Alley, and they stealthily followed him. Immediately, Draco was snatched into an alley. Harry and Ron gasped as they saw this happen. They jogged towards the alley he was pulled in to, and quietly hid behind a garbage bin.

"Did you think I'd let you leave me Draco?"

"Lucas…what, what do you want?" Draco asked, his voice shaking.

"I want you to come back Draco, come back to the service. Just because John's gone, doesn't mean you have to be also."

Draco shook; tears came down his cheeks as Lucas released him. Draco slid to the ground, his hands covering his face as he cried. Harry and Ron held their breaths in shock as they surveyed this side of Malfoy. "Please don't say this name…" Draco begged. "Please…"

"Why not Draco? He's dead. You can say thank you to your father for killing him. Your boyfriend is in a better place…hopefully…" Lucas said evilly. He wore black slacks and a black collared shirt, making him look impossibly thin and evil.

"Don't talk to me about this!" Draco cried from the floor. "I've tried so hard to forget about him…I've tried so, so hard Lucas, but I can't! I can't forget him!"

"Draco, listen to me…it's your fault he's gone. He was innocent, and you allowed for your father to take an innocent life. What more is there to live for? Your lover is gone." Lucas smiled and kneeled next to him. He was mere inches away from his face.

"I loved him so much…" Draco whispered, looking into Lucas's face. Lucas captured Draco's lips, kissing him hard and perfectly. Draco entwined his fingers into Lucas's hair and jerked his head back angrily, ripping his lips away from Lucas's.

"You've always been the fiery one, Draco…" Lucas growled, pulling away from Draco.

"I'll make you a deal," Draco proposed. His eyes were dark as he looked at Lucas's mouth to his eyes.

"Oh really?" Lucas purred. "I like deals, tell me Young Master Malfoy…what have you say to the magnificent Hustler Lucas?"

Draco rolled his eyes, "How about I come back to you after I graduate from Hogwarts, but you have to leave me alone for the whole of this year."

"Okay, sounds good to me."

"But! There's something else you have to do…" Draco said, grinning.

"What is that?"

"You have to fuck me," Draco whispered dangerously. Lucas's eyes grew wide.

"What's happened to you?" Lucas asked, "You've never been this provocative before. Usually it was helpless whimpering, like the femme you are."

"My father happened to me." Draco admitted, looking away.

"What is this? Draco Malfoy, King of the Dark Arts was raped by his daddy?" Lucas laughed. "I knew he had some problems, but not that! He's the symbol of straightness…who would have thought?"

Harry nudged Ron, "What did Lucas say! I can't hear anything from here!"

Ron shook his head, "I don't know…I couldn't hear…damn it!"

"Oh God Draco, I'm sorry," Lucas hugged Draco tightly before helping him stand up. "I knew your father was an evil man, but I didn't know he was a psycho."

"I have to go," Draco muttered. He stood and dusted the dirt off of his pants. Lucas stood with him, a sly smile on his face. He grabbed Draco once more and kissed him, this time Draco responded with just as much force.

Harry stumbled backwards into Ron, whose long gangly arms flew into the garbage bin, knocking it over.

Draco and Lucas separated, staring at Ron and Harry crotched over watching them. Draco took a step back from Lucas, his eyes widening in anger and fear.

"Bastards!" Draco growled.

"Is that the famous Harry Potter?" Lucas asked, his eyebrows rising.

"What the bloody fuck are you two idiots doing?" Draco asked angrily, but his voice shook slightly.

"Watching you, you bloody nance! We didn't know you were a bloody faggot Malfoy!" Ron bellowed, grinning. Harry smiled at this. He had a way to get back at Malfoy.

"Malfoy! You fucking femme!" Harry yelled.

Lucas patted Draco on the shoulder and smiled, "I won't forget your deal, Draco." With a small pop, Lucas was gone.

"I'll kill you both!" Draco took off running after Ron and Harry. They ran out of Knockturn Alley until they were in front of the bank. Draco fell on top of Harry. Wrestling him to the ground, Draco whispered menacingly in his face, "Tell a word Potter, and I'll kill everyone you ever cared about…too late for your parents though!" Draco was punched in the face as a roaring Harry wrapped his hands around his neck. Ron stood behind them, surveying the unfurling fight and holding back a frantic Pansy and a group of students from Hogwarts who happened to have stumbled across the two.

Draco dug his fingernails into Harry's toughen skin. Harry released Draco's neck. Draco gasped for air as he punched Harry several times in the face, cracking his glasses.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Draco bellowed. "STAY IN YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!" Draco gained the upper hand of Harry and punched him, making Harry fall over. Harry, angry of being pushed around by Draco, grabbed Draco by the hair, and pulled him to the ground, his face smashed against the pavement.

"Now admit it Malfoy, you're a fucking queer. You're a fucking loser…" Harry said, smiling as he choked Draco. Draco shook his head, making it clear that he wasn't going to let up to Harry.

"HARRY! NO!" Harry heard Hermione's voice from behind him.

"YOU BLOODY FAIRY!" Harry screamed at Draco. "AMDIT IT! You fucking nance!"

Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry's chest, pulling him with all her strength, backwards.

Draco released an anguished cry as Harry flew backwards, landing on Hermione. Draco scrambled to his feet and kicked Harry in the stomach.

"You fucking prick!" Draco yelled, continuing to kick Harry in the stomach. Hermione lie underneath him.

She screamed. "STOP!"

Harry grabbed Draco's foot and pulled him over, colliding into the pavement.

Draco fell over as Harry stood up, gripping his abdomen, he reached over to pull up Hermione.

Draco felt tear welling up in his eyes as he wiped away the blood coming from his mouth.

"Bloody nance…I'll kick your arse!" Harry muttered, kicking Draco in the back. Draco felt something warm land on his back as Harry spat on him.

Draco saw someone kneel next to him with their wand out.

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered, cleaning his wounds with her wand. She muttered a few more incantations. Draco turned his head to look at her. Draco froze as he took in Hermione. She had chopped off her hair, and it curled around her face, making her look extremely vibrant and,

_Beautiful…_Draco thought. She had a glow to her face that made him ache to touch her. She no longer carried that annoying sense of air about her features. She looked softer, and Draco liked that.

She placed her cold, small palm on his cheek, wiping away what had been a tear. The touch burned Draco, creating a hungry desire in his stomach. He had to get away from it.

Draco pushed her away from him. She fell back on to her butt as he stood angrily, walking away from her.

_"_Foolish Mudblood…you told me to stay out of your life..." Draco murmured.

* * *

Sorry if there's any grammatical errors. Such as my Pronoun antecedent problems! UUUGGGHHH! I hate those! I'm sorry for the two month wait guys. I mean school, car accidents, cheating boyfriends and mild crushes, they're all killing me. I'm sorry! "The Race for Harry Potter" will be updated SOON! ALREADY IN THE MAKING and so will my other story; "Not Yours to Keep" will be update. UGH! SO MUCH TO DO! 

All right. Thank you guys! Please review! Yay!


	6. Hypnotize

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

**Chapter Six: **Hypnotize

**WARNING: VIVID SEX SCENE.**

* * *

Hermione wiped her sweaty palms on her skirt, twitching uncomfortably between Harry and Ron. They were riding in a carriage heading up to the castle. Within an hour's time, Hermione would be relaxing in her own Tower, with her unknown partner, the Head Boy. She was greatly relieved when she had heard a rumor that Malfoy had _not_ been nominated for Head Boy, due to his misconduct last year. Although previously, people had said the title would definitely go to him. She sighed and Harry looked down at her. His hair had grown out of control over the summer. It covered his eyes most of the time, and he had to push it to the side constantly. She had vowed to cut it for him.

"Are you nervous 'Mione?" Harry asked, reaching out to grab one of her sweaty hands. She shivered as he tickled her soft palm with the tips of his fingers.

"Yeah, I'm nervous," she said in a breathy tone. Ron turned to look at her flustered face and saw their hands touching, he quickly looked away.

"You'll be fine, I promise. You're Head Girl now; you get to rule all of us, Oh Mighty Mione!" Harry said, watching her giggle. Hermione looked up at him and pushed some of the hair out of his face. Her stomach began to flutter as Harry removed his fingers from her palm to rest on her knee. The carriage came to a halt and Ron exited out of the carriage first, having dropped his wand accidentally from his pocket. He had bent down when Harry pulled Hermione to him. He lightly pressed his lips against hers and pulled away to look into her face.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, her face upturned, her eyes were droopy as she surveyed his lips.

"I've been feeling like this all summer Herms…and I know you might still have feelings for Blaise, or…you might not be ready…but—"

"—what are you guys doing?" Ron asked, straightening up to see Harry's arm wrapped around her waist and Hermione sitting straight up to lean into his embrace.

"Oh Ron, Harry pulled me from the door in fear that I might step on you, and I seemed to have fell forward onto him instead!" Hermione laughed aloud. Ron grinned, relief flooding his face.

"Good, I didn't want to get involved in a stampede!" Ron said as Hermione punched him playfully on the arm. He helped her out of the carriage, and Harry jumped down next to her. She felt tiny standing in the middle of two giants. Both Harry and Ron towered over six feet, and although tall herself, she only came up to their chins. Harry had decided to experiment over the summer, having pierced his cartilage in a muggle shop with Hermione, she loved seeing Harry squirm when she got her second hole pierced, and she finally convinced him to get it done too. It had been the day after the horrible fight Harry had had with Malfoy. She had confronted Harry about his accusations of Malfoy being gay and he shrugged her questions off, claiming that he said it in the heat of the moment. She then degraded him on his horrible attempts to gay-bash, and forbid him to ever say such things ever again, no matter who it was.

They stood in the Great Hall now, robes bustling. Head Mistress McGonagall sat in the middle, grinning at the incoming third years and up. She especially smiled at Harry. Although the Dark Lord was still among them, he was lost without his followers, who were all dead. In the beginning of the summer, Harry had established a connection with the Dark Lord's mental thoughts. He was able to pinpoint all of the Dark Lords, torture them into giving information, and killed them. The only one of the Dark Lords servants they hadn't caught was Lucius Malfoy, who proved to have nothing to do with the Dark Lord. Everyday Harry would feel a little weak, due to the Dark Lord dying, a mortal man. Harry was afraid that he too would die because of the connection they shared, but Hermione felt strongly otherwise. He had nodded at McGonagall as they walked over to the Gryffindor Table. Hermione saw Malfoy's platinum blonde head dodge between people as his cronies pushed others out of his way.

Many of the Slytherins surveyed him with complete and utter disbelief, others nodded their heads in approval and many went as far as to bow to him. Hermione found this very odd.

She smiled at Ron and Harry as she sat down between them.

"I'm FAMISHED!" Ron bellowed, stretching. He leaned over to pull a plate towards him, eager to see a pile of chicken fill his plate. Harry grinned at him and placed his hand in Hermione's hand under the table. Startled, she looked up into his warm glass-framed green eyes and melted. This was her best friend, her best _friend._ She pulled her hand from his and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. He immediately shifted gears and started talking about her new position as Head Girl.

"Yeah, my schedule is less hectic this year, but extremely complicated." Hermione frowned. "I only have two out of six classes with you Harry, Ron!"

"It's okay, we'll come to see you everyday after class during your free periods," Ron said, touching her tenderly on the shoulder. She looked up at him, his long straight nose; rosy cheeks and long flaming hair made his face look young and energetic, like a boy should. She sighed, caught off guard by Ron's warm grassy smell and bright blue eyes. It was then when she realized…she was sitting in between two of the hottest guys in Hogwarts. She looked around to see several girls staring heavily at both Ron and Harry. One girl even complimented Harry on his new piercing, which showed due to Harry tucking some of his hair behind his ears. The platinum loop glowed under the enchanted moon-ceiling. Hermione rounded on the girl, giving her an even stare, before the girl dropped her gaze to her plate.

McGonagall stood at the front of the hall to address the new students and name some of the new rules of the year.

"Hogsmeade will need a new bartender for The Three Broomsticks, assistance is needed, and you need to be a seventh year and have perfect markings to obtain the job. You will be paid for your work, and it is every weekend 1pm-8pm!" McGonagall straightened her hate before continuing.

"Also, I would love to introduce your new Head Girl and Boy! From Gryffindor, we have Hermione Granger!" A roar of applause erupted through the Great Hall as Hermione stood, blushing, "and from Slytherin, Draco Malfoy!" There was another roar of applause, and some made hissing noises to represent the house Mascot as Malfoy smugly stood to look at the Great Hall. He glared at her from across the Hall, and Hermione felt as if her heart had stopped.

* * *

"NO!" Hermione bellowed at the top of her lungs as she entered the Tower for the Head Boy and Girl quarters. Harry and Ron followed behind, both wary of Hermione's rising temper. The glass filled with flowers exploded next to her and she whirled to look wildly at her two best friends. Harry waved his hand over the flowers, fixing the vase. She stomped her foot like a stubborn child as he levitated the vase back to the table.

"Calm down Mione, he won't be here long. He'll do something to get himself expelled, you saw him last year…" Ron said reassuringly. He smiled warmly at her. Hermione never forgot the fight they had had on the Hogwarts Express last year, and despite their failed relationship, they both grew older and wiser. Hermione, however, couldn't help but remember Ron's strong arms, lovely scent and charming smile. Nor could she ignore Harry's airy smell of a Quidditch field and Chocolate Frogs. She began to tear up, sniffing up her tears. Harry had immediately wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead.

"It'll be okay Mione, we'll be here to see that you're fine, right Ron?" Harry asked, looking over her head. Ron had joined in on the embrace. He pressed himself up against Hermione, hugging her. She became weak in the knees as she had a heated flash of Ron pulling her shirt over her head he, was squeezing her breast, egging Harry on as Harry kissed her neck feverishly. She jerked away from them, her face turning red.

"Erhm, thanks guys, you guys really are…erhm, amazingly…good at what you…erhm, should be doing…right now." Hermione said slowly as she went to sit in an armchair. Harry and Ron exchanged confused looks and sat in the couch adjacent to the arm chair. Hermione sat straight up in her chair, her hair, curly and bouncy, sprung up with her. She pulled her wand out and muttered an incantation, pointing to her head. Immediately, the curls fell from her head to leave her hair straight and covering her face. She took her fingers and parted her hair line on the side, creating a bang that swept across her face. She looked up to see both Ron and Harry sitting on the edge of their seat to watch her. She leaned back into her chair.

"Where is the bloody ferret anyways?" Ron asked, breaking the trance. Suddenly, the portrait hole opened, and a rather bored looking Blaise walked in. He immediately saw Hermione, looking magnificent since their encounter in Hogsmeade. She sat in the armchair, her long shapely legs crossed and her skirt a little higher up than last year. She was every inch a desirable schoolgirl.

"Hermione," Blaise said giving her a curt nod. Hermione smiled weakly and noticed Harry's eyes sharpen on Blaise's face. Behind Blaise trotted in Draco. He had stepped in, drawing up to his full height and looking around the room. He sniffed and gave a foul look towards Hermione.

"Something smells especially dirty," Draco said nastily. Harry and Ron stood to face Draco, but Blaise had already shushed Malfoy by a glare.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some rest," Draco muttered, walking towards the stairs. He turned back to look at the people in the sitting room. "I would rather like it that you imbeciles left this tower before I report all of you." Draco allowed for his eyes to wander on Harry and Ron. They both, in turn, hugged and kissed Hermione on the cheek before leaving. Draco hadn't even spared her a glance since he first entered the tower.

They left, and Blaise lingered behind, only to whisper into Hermione's ear before leaving. Draco sat on the stairs, watching her before she retired to her bedroom. She turned off the lamps and blew out the candles. Draco watched as she pulled off her shoes and socks and pulled off her robe to reveal a tight white blouse nursing her teenage yet angst-desired large breasts. Draco shivered as he watched Hermione unbutton her shirt, semi-revealing her dark bra. She sighed deeply and looked admirably around the Tower.

Draco felt sick as he moved away from the staircase, as quietly as he could. But he stumbled, and Hermione, as quick as she is, heard the noise and immediately buttoned the few buttons of her shirt closed. Draco ran into his dorm, but didn't fully close the door. He watched her walk up the stairs quietly, looking around. She saw that her door was across from Draco's door, meaning that their rooms were connected. She swore loudly and entered her room.

Silently, Draco closed his own door, and turned on his light. His room was wonderfully furnished in his house colors, and his trunks, robes, school sweaters, ties and Oxford shirts were set up nicely in the closet. He saw a very large door sitting in the middle of the wall that would be Hermione's connected room. He opened the door to see an extremely beautiful bathroom, there was a sitting room connected to the bathroom and he gasped at the beauty of it all.

He changed into his pajamas and heard the shower turn on in the bathroom next to him. He suddenly then realized something. He froze as he saw the only three pictures of him and Jon he had. He froze as Jon waved back at him, mouthing the words "I love you". The other picture was of them. Their arms wrapped around each other smiling as Jon held up the camera, snapping it. It didn't move like a normal picture. His lips were pressed outward, as if making a dramatic kiss and Jon's cheek was facing his lips, the cutest goof-ball smile ever and the last picture was of Draco sleeping, his hair messed up from having a dramatic night of sex, and Jon laid out beside him, his hand pressed fondly over Draco's heart as he slept. Jon had taken the picture, with a Wizarding Camera. Jon smiled down and was whispering "lovely" in his ear. Draco was stirring in his sleep as he did so. But the picture was peaceful. Draco, at the same time cursed the house-elves from framing his pictures and placing them on his shelf.

There was a knock at his door, and Draco jerked. He lifted the pictures and placed them in his bedside drawer.

"Malfoy?" Draco opened the door to see Hermione's wet hair and water stained robe. He could see, finely, the figure of her body, but she drew no attention to it on purpose, herself. He also saw that she wasn't completely down with her shower; soap suds were still entangled in her hair and glistened on her chest. Draco swallowed hard and watched as Hermione gave him a warm smile.

"Granger…"

"Malfoy, I wanted to know if maybe, we could be civil to one another this year…because, well, we're Head Boy and Girl. And I, erhm, noticed a lot of changes in you last year, and hopefully this year will be different for you…you seem a lot calmer—"

_Yeah, because Father and I are now fucking on a regular basis…_

"—and I would love to get to know you, better," Hermione said. Draco grew angry with the little wench. She was every inch a Head Girl, trying hard to recruit the un-recruit-able. Draco smirked.

"Granger, you don't want to know me, I'll tell you that. But in all honesty, I see no problem in not hexing you in this Tower on a daily basis. So yes, we may be civil to one another. But you'll still be a dirty mudblood to me, g'night." He had shut the door in her puzzled face.

* * *

Hermione was being shaken in her sleep, and she felt sick as the person lifted her into a sitting position. She opened her eyes and saw a frazzled looking Harry sitting on the corner of her bed. He was dressed in muggle jeans and a green-knit sweater, making him look much laid back. His thick rimmed glasses gleamed in the sunlight pouring through her curtained bed.

"You weren't at breakfast this morning, and I was worried," Harry said, smiling.

"Where's Ron?" She asked, groaning from having to wake up.

"He's down in the common room area waiting for us. He wanted to check the Tower out, it's gigantic." Hermione smiled up at Harry.

"I know, it's beautiful!" She said excitedly, licking her bottom lip.

"Indeed, very beautiful," he agreed. Harry leaned forward to kiss her, but it was deeper and more experimental than last nights smooch. He dragged her bottom lip between his own, and she opened her mouth to let him in. His tongue slipped into her mouth to caress her own. Hermione lifted her hands to entwine them in Harry's long hair. She couldn't believe it, Harry was kissing her. He laid her back on the bed, not breaking the kiss. He leaned over her, and moved to kiss her neck.

"Harry—Oh, Harry…" She whimpered as he moved to kiss and suckle on the tender skin between her breasts. He had pulled down her thin material of a shirt to kiss her breasts. She whimpered again as he moved away from her only to get on top of her on the bed. His legs were on either side of her legs. In their awkward position, Harry had removed his shirt to reveal a well built body. He was every inch a hero under his clothing. Hermione rubbed her hands up and down his stomach and chest. She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe what was about to happen, either. She pulled off her own nightgown, completely naked underneath. Harry gasped as he saw her beautiful body. She could see his hardness straining against his jeans. Hermione moved to settle her hand over it, massaging it. Harry groaned and whimpered. Hermione felt her body float up, and a white hot feeling was creeping into her body. She felt lustful. Harry messily unbuttoned his jeans and pulled out his member. Hermione gasped at the length of it and looked up at Harry. He smiled at her and guided her hand to him, helping her stroke him. When she got the rhythm, Harry began to tremble above her. He began to thrust his pelvis into her hand, and Hermione could feel the pulse in his member beating against her palm. Before he could release, Harry pulled from out of her hand, instead he slithered down on top of her, moving under her sheet to be placed on top of her, her legs on either side of his body. Harry suckled on his fingers and moved them to her entrance to slip them in her. He laughed.

"No need for that love, you're completely pouring."

Hermione's face grew red at Harry's observation. She felt fear swell up inside her. This would end their friendship, this would, create problems. But she couldn't say no. She wanted to feel something good, something positive. An experience she was denied.

Harry's hair fell to curtain his face but she could see his glasses slipping off the bridge of his nose, he slipped into her. Hermione tensed as he entered her, she felt herself stretch, her walls accepted Harry as he moved within, going to plunge deeper in her. She could hear her wetness and him, she could smell their sex mingling in the air, and she could feel Harry deep inside her. He was fully inside her, and any doubt she had earlier of him being able to get it all in was out the window. Hermione began to shudder, little moans escaping her. As Harry pumped faster into her, she began to scream, she was screaming out in pure pleasure. She dug her nails into Harry's back. She muttered incoherent words as her body began to shake, she was going to come. She could feel it, Harry's thrusts began to get sloppy and he wouldn't stop moaning. He moaned her name and he released in her, and Hermione came right behind him, her walls contracting, squeezing him dry.

"HERMIONE!" Harry bellowed, shaking her. She came.

"Oh, Oh…Harry…! Shag…ahhh…me…" Hermione's body jerked and she opened her eyes to see Harry, terrified and somewhat flustered.

He was still dressed in his muggle jeans, and green-knit sweater.

"OH NO!" She screamed. She looked down to see that she still had on her nightgown, but she was completely drenched. She looked up into Harry's burning red face.

"…I just came in here to see if you wanted to come walk to Hogsmeade with me and Ron…" Harry whispered. Hermione couldn't stop shaking. She had had a vivid sex dream about Harry _and_ Harry had been present at her climax, outside the dream.

"Oh no…oh no…Harry…I'm so sorry!" She apologized. He smiled at her awkwardly and stood from her bed.

"Er…it's, okay…it's ah, an honor?" Harry said nervously. He had kissed her yesterday, and now he was acting like a shy schoolboy. Hermione disliked that.

"Calm down…I…I didn't know that was happening…not that I could have stopped it, I mean, erhm…JUST GO AWAY HARRY!" she screamed from her bed. Harry jumped and ran to the door.

"Oh! And I'll come with you guys—" Harry flinched as the word "come" came from her mouth with such expressed pronunciation.

"Oh, good, good," Harry shouted before closing the door behind him. Hermione quivered with embarrassment.

* * *

After getting cleaned up, and taking many, many cold showers, Hermione had gotten her temperature down. She was rushing down the stairs, her hair in her face and her bracelets clinging loudly. She tried to button her jeans as she entered the common room to find it deserted.

"Harry? Ron?" Hermione asked, looking around. They weren't in the library, and they weren't in the sitting area. However, she did find Draco sitting in the reading room, calmly skimming through the selections of books.

"Malfoy…have you seen—"

"—Potty and Weasel? Ah, yes I did. They said they're going to breakfast, and that they'll meet up with you there."

"Ad why would they tell you that? Of all people! Why would they tell you anything?" Hermione asked, placing her hands on her hips. Draco slammed his fist into the shelf, making her jump.

"Damn it Granger. I tell you what they told me. I'm not at all ready for your bloody insults. So either take heed or bugger off!" Draco said irritably. Hermione missed a blink and walked away from him. "You look different this year Granger…"

Hermione stopped, and turned to face Draco. He was now holding _Hogwarts: A History—The Special Edition_. She shivered as he looked over her form.

"Do you truly mean it Malfoy?" Hermione asked. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"C'mon mudblood, can you just bugger off already?" Draco asked coolly. Hermione's cheeks flushed red, and she turned to bolt away when Draco muttered,

"I'm sorry about your summer…"

Hermione turned to stare at him, her face blank.

"I know how it must have been like, you being alone at such a time, helpless."

"Do you Malfoy? Do you really know how I felt?" Hermione asked quietly, her back still turned from him.

"You felt naked. Exposed. Completely dirty. And it was like no one knew, or be let on, nonetheless. It's like watching your whole life shatter around you, and anything—anyone you cared about—was flushed out. You were alone, and no one cared to know the details to save you." Draco said calmly. Hermione closed her eyes and released a shuddering sigh.

"Leave me alone Malfoy."

And with that, Hermione had left the Tower.


	7. Karma and Romance

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

**Chapter Seven:** Karma and Romance

I know you think I'm holding you down  
And I've fallen by the wayside now  
And I don't understand the same things as you  
But I do

Don't laugh at me  
Don't look away

You'll follow me back  
With the sun in your eyes  
And on your own  
Bed-shaped and legs of stone  
You'll knock on my door  
And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know

Ooh  
And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know

-Keane

* * *

"I can't believe it, I really can't." 

Hermione sat at The Three Broomsticks with Harry and Ron facing her from the opposite side of the booth. They were able to visit Hogsmeade before the scheduled dates for their Seventh Year Privilege. Ron and Harry both had large grins on their faces as Harry slid a thick piece of parchment towards her.

"C'mon Hermione! Imagine all the fun you'll have here. You'll learn how to mix amazing drinks!" Ron encouraged, pulling out a long quill and handing it to her.

"RON! Mixing drinks and promoting the use of alcohol is wrong…" Hermione growled. Ron's grin faltered.

"Mione, all that Ron is trying to say is that by working here, you'll have some fun, you'll meet new people, and it'll be smashing."

"I can't believe it," she repeated, looking down at the parchment and taking the quill from Ron. She began to fill it out as Ron and Harry cheered her on.

* * *

Hermione brushed her hair in front of her mirror later that night, preparing to go down to the sitting room and read. She was wearing her flannel pajamas, and wanted to be comfortable for her favorite muggle book: _The Other Boleyn Girl. _She sometimes imagined herself as Mary Boleyn, stuck in the middle of the life as a commoner or to submit to the life of winning at loyalty and favorites for the king. She stood from her seat and left her dorm, creeping down the stairs as quietly as she could in order to not wake up Malfoy. 

She made it, and found her favorite spot on the rug. She snuggled on the plush rug and cracked open her thick paged book.

"No need to subject to animal behavior Granger when I'm around, I'm not that evil—or…maybe I am."

Hermione jumped and turned to see Draco staring down at her, his face upturned in a disgusted expression, his well-shaped eyebrows crooked.

"Leave me alone Malfoy, I'm just trying to read."

"Are you now? Maybe you should move to the _reading room_ and not the _sitting_ room."

"This is my tower too. If you don't like it, give up your position as Head Boy now and go shove a broom up your arse…" Hermione mumbled, turning back to lay on her stomach to reopen her book. She never made it to opening the book, Draco had pulled her by her hair.

She screamed, feeling herself being lifted from the ground by her soft curls. He jerked her around to face him.

"Are you going to stick your broom in me Granger? Granted that you're actually a bloke under all your…accessories," He whispered, taking one hand to slap her across the cheek. She cried out in anger as he did so. Draco pushed her back down, making an annoyed noise as she scrambled back onto her knees. Before Draco could open his mouth for an insult, she had lunged at him, knocking him flat on his back. She crawled on top of him, both legs on either side of his body, and yanked him towards her face by his blue tee shirt.

"If you ever…ever touch me again like that, I'll personally cut your balls off and feed them to you."

"Granger…Granger…you can count on me not touching you…" Draco said his voice cracking as she tightened her grip.

Hermione had never been in such a situation. She was overpowering Malfoy; she had him shaking in her hands, regretting ever touching her. She wanted to feel powerful, and know that by right, she was the better being, the better person. She would never take advantage of someone, or try to ruin their life. She would know that successfully, she had turned Malfoy away from any of his future bullshit attempts at making her miserable in the future. She had him; she had him right where she wanted him.

She brought her lips crashing down on his, her kiss hot and excited. Draco, shocked by the invasion, did everything he could to push her off, but she had firmly positioned her weight on his hips, and she was now arousing him greatly.

And to feel even more shocked, Draco realized that a girl, _a girl_ was arousing him, his first experience. He had always been the one fucked.

He opened his mouth, wanting to taste her and he did,

She tasted like sweet apples. She shivered as he slipped his hands up her shirt. She could feel his erection pressing against her entrance and she grinded down on him, giving him a preview. Obvious to her teasing, he growled in the back of his mouth, and thrust his fingers into her hair. She grinded down harder this time, enjoying what it was doing to him. He whimpered.

_Draco Malfoy whimpered!_

She did it again, and this time he cried out, a sharp and pathetic cry. Hermione sat straight up, breaking away from his kisses and looked down at him. It was then, when she realized she had just been making out with Malfoy. She looked down at him, his cheeks red and his erection was still there, pressing against him. Hermione screamed, standing above him. She removed herself, lifting her foot and slammed it down on to his private area.

Draco howled with pain, covering his crotch. She went to grab her book from the floor, and made a dash for the stairs.

"YOU BLOODY BITCH!" He cried again in pain, "I'LL GET YOU BACK!" Draco yelled. Hermione sat at the top of the stairs, peering down at Draco's form, tears streaming down his red cheeks.

* * *

"_She's so anal…I can't stand her…"_

"_This coming from you m'lord…I find it highly hypocritical!"_

Draco growled in frustration, _"You're here to give me advice, not harass me!"_

"_But m'lord…I am but a journal and I tell you the truth." _

Draco closed his enchanted Dragon-skin journal his Aunt Bellatrix gave him for his birthday. He was having problems with putting his thoughts anywhere but in his fist, so he decided to take up writing in his gift. He could hardly move around on his bed, his balls hurting, still. He could hear music coming from Grangers room through the bathroom, and he could imagine her slowly dancing to the music. He pounded his fist on his bedside table; he knew she should pay for humiliating him…

The music suddenly lowered in volume, and Draco strained to hear the muffled knocking on her bedroom door.

Draco didn't wager on sticking his head out of his dorm to fancy a look at who was knocking, in risk of being seen. Instead, he stood and cracked the bathroom door open to hear a little better.

"_Blaise? What are you doing here? How'd you get the password to come into the Tower?" _

Draco inwardly cursed himself.

"_Well of course Draco, Mione." _

"_Please…please, don't call me that," she requested firmly. _Draco heard her gasped. _"Let go of me! Now…Blaise…no…please…"_ Draco heard heavy breathing and Hermione's muffled throaty noises. They were kissing.

"_Blaise…I can't…I JUST CAN'T! NOT AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" Hermione screamed. _Draco heard someone stumble backwards, and a shuffle of feet, assuming there was a struggle brewing. _"YOU HURT ME! YOU TOOK AWAY SOMETHING I HELD DEARLY!" Hermione cried. "What are you doing?" _She said. Draco heard her body slam against the wall, and a shattering noise, as if a picture fell. She was crying now.

"_I didn't do anything you didn't want to do."_

"_You got me drunk Blaise, and you forced me to have sex with you on a _FUCKING_ balcony." _

"_You found that bottle, not me. You wanted to have fun, and I showed you a good time. Maybe it was too much for you, maybe your good girl instincts didn't kick in like usual! You're all teasing Hermione, and never play. I'd rather have my hand up your skirt than your mouth running off—"_

Draco heard a slap, and again, she was thrown against the wall.

"_You never wanted me…you never loved me…I chased you around for ages, and you wouldn't open up for me! You know how many girls I turned down for you? Do you? DO YOU?" _Draco heard Hermione scream, pleading. Blaise swore and a ripping noise emitted from her room. He heard her struggle against him.

"_NO!" _

"_You stupid bitch!"_

Draco threw open the bathroom door, and then magically unlocked Hermione's door.

Hermione's shirt was torn, and her pajama pants lay forgotten at her feet, her knickers were pulled to the side, where Draco could see red finger nail scratches from Blaise. He saw Blaise's pants and boxers around his ankles and Hermione's hands were bound above her head, and her feet dangled from the floor. Her lip was bleeding, and Draco could see thin marks around her neck from his hands. Blaise had one hand wrapped tightly around his wand, and the other had her pressed against the wall to stop her from kicking. She wiggled in pain, her arms stretched.

"What are you doing Draco? Get the fuck out of here…"

"No Blaise! What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't rape the mudblood!" Draco said wildly. He went over to her and pulled out his wand, releasing her from her restraints. Blaise was pulling up his pants.

"Fuck you Draco! I'll do what I want," Blaise grabbed Hermione by the hair and threw her onto the bed. Draco moved to stop him, but Blaise swiftly punched him across the face, making him fall back. Blaise was now on top of her, wrestling with her as she tried to scratch at him.

"STOP IT! STOP!" Hermione screamed, slapping Blaise repeatedly, his hair fell into his face, and he placed his mouth over hers to silent her, and he eagerly pushed inside of her. She screamed against his lips.

Draco jumped on top of Blaise, pulling him off of her. Hermione scrambled up to her headboard, covering her naked body with her quilt. Draco got on top of Blaise and punched him across the face. He continued to punch him in his face, until his knuckles were covered in blood.

"You bloody arse! How could you do that? How could you?" Draco screamed, wrapping his fingers tightly around his neck.

"Draco, no…" Hermione whispered, "You'll kill him…" Hermione collapsed against her headboard. Draco stopped chocking him, and stood from off of him.

"Get out of here…just…go." Draco said sadly. Blaise jumped up, holding his bloody nose, and left Hermione's dorm, and finally, he heard Blaise slam the portrait door closed. Draco then turned around to see Hermione shivering against her headboard, blood running down the corner of her lip to her chin. She was crying silently.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked, and then stopped, knowing how stupid that came out. She lifted her eyes to his.

"He's gone?"

"Yeah."

She sighed and wiped away her tears quickly, and pointed at her pajama pants. He quickly turned to retrieve it and handed it to her. He turned his back to her, as she slipped her pants on. Draco was uncomfortable as he heard her sniff tears up her nose. He looked over his shoulder to see her rub her arms, as if trying to warm her self.

"I'll leave, okay?" Draco asked. She nodded and he left without her thanks.

* * *

Draco went to his bed, sliding under his covers and turning off his bedside lamp. He couldn't get her face off of his mind. All he could see was her tear stained face, and the pain plainly expressed on her face. 

Draco couldn't help but remember his own torment. He couldn't help but think of his father hurting him, and he couldn't help thinking about Jon. All he wanted was someone to save him, like he had tried to save Granger. He might have thought about saving her earlier as preposterous, but he could feel the pain she felt, and he knew it would hurt.

He felt something move on the opposite of his bed and he turned to see Granger crawling into his bed.

"What the bloody hell are you doing Granger?" Draco whispered. She shook her head and crawled over to him, wrapping her arms around his chest and placing her head on his chest. He stiffened against her but he relaxed, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders. She cried into his chest for a while until she fell asleep. Draco stroked her hair soothingly as she slept.

* * *

_Eyes wide open  
Naked as we came  
One will spread our  
Ashes round the yard_

* * *

The next morning, Hermione awoke to find her self alone in a giant bed. Green sheets covered her pale form as a foggy sun peered through the drapes of the bed. She touched the other side of the bed, finding it warm. He had just risen. Suddenly, she heard a shallow intake of breath, and then a noise almost similar to sniffing. 

Quietly, Hermione crept to Draco's side of the bed and peeked through the drapes, although making sure he didn't see her.

The sight drained all the blood from her body.

* * *

**please review! your opinions count. and i LOVE all of you that left those amazing comments for the previous chapter! you guys rock!**


	8. Complete and Utter Mess

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Enjoy the Chapter Lovers!

**Chapter Eight:** Complete and Utter Mess

* * *

There he sat. His left arm wrapped tightly around his legs and his right arm dangled on the ground, blood smeared all over it. He shook uncontrollably as he rocked himself back and forth. He cried into his knees as if there were no tomorrow, and it broke her heart. 

Immediately she slid from off the bed, not startling him at all. She sat in front of him, her body also shaking with his. She touched his bleeding arm, making him jump. He lifted his cold steely eyes to her warm ad terrified ones. He could smell the fear coming from her. It was like a stench he had accepted as company.

She lifted up his sleeve, finding thick brownish pink scars. She had heard of these situations in the muggle world, but never has she met a wizard…a pureblood and loathsome wizard, adapt to such muggle behavior. She then saw the streak of similarity between muggles and wizards—they both had their breaking point.

"I-I—" he started, but stopped.

"It's okay Draco, really, it is," she whispered, reaching onto her back. She lifted her shirt to reveal an invisible hoister that held her wand. She removed it and cleaned his deeply inflicted wound, and then performed a concealment charm on his scars. He avoided her eyes as she cleaned him up. She moved closer and removed the stray hairs in his face. Her hands shook madly as she surveyed his crumpled form.

"I—I—I didn't know you were a—a—awake," he stuttered.

"I didn't know you were gone, I reckon your absence sort of awoke me out of my sleep." She had settled back in front of him, her legs folded underneath her.

"Oh."

They sat in silence for awhile as Hermione cleared her mind. He now had both of his arms wrapped around him, and his eyes were round and soft, unusual for a cruel Malfoy like himself. The delicacy of his state of being almost seemed ludicrous to Hermione, but she kept it to herself.

"When did you start…erhm, hurting yourself?" She finally asked. He lifted his eyes to hers once more and smiled sadly.

"Since the beginning of sixth year…surprising, eh?" His voice cracked again, "I'm too much of a fucking nance to actually go ahead and do myself in…I'm a bloody fool! That's what I am!" He broke into tears again. Hermione leaned forward to rub his arms.

"Draco, don't say that, please…you're not…its good you didn't kill yourself…you're too young to die." She said soothingly.

"WHAT IF I WANT TO DIE?" Draco bellowed through his tears. He crumpled and bawled into his folded arms. It was then when she knew she was witnessing something deeper than just a delusional Draco Malfoy. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him forward so he uncurled himself and rested his head onto her lap, his legs coming to bend comfortably. He quieted as she stroked his hair soothingly.

* * *

Hermione left the common room washed and ready for the start of classes the next day. She entered the Great Hall in need of food. Scoping out Harry and Ron, she ran towards them, a large grin placed on her face. 

"Mione, where have you been? We were starting to worry," Ron said, eggs swirling around in his mouth. She glanced down at him with uncertainty, not wanting to get in close proximity of him in fear of having a storm of wet eggs fly on her. She smiled at Harry who, as usual, gave her a desirable smile.

"Really guys, if I get the job, I won't take it," Hermione said, sitting comfortably in her seat.

"Why? You would look hot in your work-costume Hermione!" Ron exclaimed. She gave him a lopsided smile.

"Yeah Mione, it'll be smashing! And you'd bring back a good wage, what's the problem?"

"I just don't want to look trashy."

"Oh Hermione! Nothing could ever make you look trashy! Just see, you'll love your job," Ron said, winking at her. Hermione's lip twitched in annoyance. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Of course, Mione would listen to what her heart tells her, right?" Harry asked Ron. He nodded and continued to eat.

She began to load her plate with kippers when she heard Harry howl with laughter.

"Look at that! Malfoy's arguing with Zabini!" Hermione quickly turned to the entrance of the Great Hall, where a fight was beginning to brew. She jumped from her seat without thinking, pulling her wand out as Blaise drew back his fist.

"NO!" She screamed, releasing a jet of purple light to hit Blaise squarely in the back. He froze and fell face down. Half the Great Hall was staring at her. She quickly recovered and cleared her throat.

"Ten points away from Slytherin, Mr. Zabini…you are excused to the Infirmary now," she said loudly, removing the spell from him. She continued, "It is against school rules to attack the Head Boy…or the Head Girl. So please, excuse yourself…" Hermione said pompously. Blaise stood, his face bruised (an effect of the spell) and glared at her.

"I'll get you back you bloody wench…" He muttered, walking away from her. She finally released the breath she was holding in.

The Great Hall broke into heaps of whispers.

"_I thought they were dating!"_

"_Did you hear about what happened over the summer at his manor?" _

"_Yeah, I was there! SHE TOTALLY LIED ABOUT IT!"_

"…_yeah, I reckon she's mental. I saw her at the party!"_

"_Did you see Blaise? The poor guy…all he wants is love"_

"_Hermione Granger's a stuck up bookworm!"_

"_How could she break Blaise's heart?"_

"_Wannabe Slytherin!"_

"_Whore!"_

"_Wench!"_

"_BACKSTABBER!"_

Hermione covered her ears with her hands. "SHUT UP!" She screamed, removing her hands from her ears. The students in the Great Hall fell silent. She turned to Draco and smiled up at him.

"YOU JUST COULDN'T KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF IT GRANGER, COULD YOU?" Draco asked angrily. Hermione was flooded with shock; she took a fearful step back from him.

"I COULD HAVE TAKEN HIM ON MY OWN!"

She shivered.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?" Draco yelled again. She shook her head.

"Are you _serious?"_ she asked quietly.

"YES I AM YOU BLOODY MUDBLOOD! _Get out my way!_" He hissed, pushing pass her.

She nearly broke into tears as she recovered and went back to a bewildered Ron and Harry.

* * *

Draco went to the nearest washroom and entered a stall. He latched the door and immediately fell to his knees before the toilet, spilling his guts. He didn't know how he was going to get through the year, and frankly, he didn't want to find out. He shivered as he thought about Jon…he dreamt endless nights about him. 

"Do you need some help?" Someone asked from outside the stall. Draco turned to stare at the feet underneath the door.

"No…go away; I don't need your bloody help!" Draco yelled at the door. The door unlatched, and Blaise stood in the entrance. Draco cleared his throat of his breakfast-grime, "Now I REALLY want you to go away…"

"Save it Draco. I need to know what the hell is going on with you and my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? Is that what you're calling the girls you victimize now?" Draco asked from the floor, leaning over the toilet to flush it. Blaise stiffened.

"It was an accident…she…she made me mad…"

"And I guess what happened over the summer was a result of her pissing you off too?" Draco asked lightly, moving to use the toilet as a chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed Blaise's still-burnt face.

"You weren't there Draco."

"Okay. Well, there's nothing going on in the bedroom, but the mudblood and I got a pact going on. I'll be nice to her; she'll be nice to me…no world domination bullshit going on there, mate."

"Bugger…you were ready to kill me for her."

"Not true…I just didn't want to smell death in my tower, or…dirty sex…"

"But you still helped her."

"_What the problem Blaise?_" Draco hissed. Blaise crossed his arms and glared at Draco.

"You know what the problem is Draco."

"I'M NOT SHAGGING HER—IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR!" Draco shouted, becoming irritated. He continued, "But then again, YOU shouldn't be shagging her either."

"Whatever. I have to go…just tell her I'm sorry, okay? I love her Draco." Blaise said with as much sincerity as possible.

"Will do," Draco muttered drearily. Blaise left the stall.

* * *

Later that night in the Tower, Hermione was closing her potions book. Her eyes were still red from crying. She hated him! She hated how he treated her outside of the Tower, embarrassing her in front of their fellow peers, and then her attacking Blaise in the Hall, all of it was tarnishing her already ruined reputation as being a good student. 

Or at least that's how she saw it.

Finally done with all her homework, she allowed for a fresh wave of tears to hit her at the thought of Draco turning nasty again, when Draco waltzed into the tower. He stumbled onto a chair, his feet dangling on the side. Hermione, still cautious of their earlier argument moved over to him quietly. She peered down at his face and gasped. He was sweating and his eyes looked unfocused. He groaned.

"Granger…you're a fool…"

"Malfoy?" She turned him onto his back and pressed her ear to his chest. His heart was beating extremely fast. "Oh no…Draco…what did you do?"

"Mates gave me a present to help the nightmares…"

"Who Draco?" Hermione asked fearfully.

"I dunno…mates…" Draco gasped several times and he was now beginning to shiver.

She quickly retrieved her wand from her pile of books, and charmed him into an easy sleep, ending his pain. She patted down his pockets to find small white pills. They amazingly looked like drugs and she pocketed them in her own pajamas to destroy them later. She smoothed back his damped hair and again pressed her ear on his chest, finding that his heart was beating normally.

She didn't want to play hero forever, but she didn't want to see Draco die from something she could have prevented.

She watched him as he slept, and later curled up in the armchair, a book in hand.

"Please…"

Hermione looked up from her book to glance at Draco, "Please what Malfoy?"

"Please…father…don't kill him…" Draco whispered fearfully. "Please father don't…please…kill me instead—I—no…!" Draco cried aloud, whispering a name.

"_Jon!"_

Hermione sat down her book and went to stand over him. She knew it was wrong, she knew what she was about to do was wrong, but she had to find out.

"Do you love him?" she asked. Draco gave a shattering cry in his sleep. Hermione bit her lip. He stirred, moving around the sofa so that his back faced her and he mumbled into the cushion of the sofa.

She stepped away from him, her heart pounding. She felt guilty for trying to meddle in his dreams.

But then again, why _not _meddle in his nightmares, when she could try to find a cure to end it? She would have to do major investigating and research to help him, she thought, taking a throw and spreading it over him, she turned off the lamps and went to her bedroom.

­

* * *

**  
Please Review! Please Review! Next chapter will be up soon! Love you all! **


	9. Ghosts Don’t Exist

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

* * *

**Chapter nine: **Ghosts Don't Exist

**WARNING: VIVID SEX SCENE! **

* * *

We knew all the answers  
And we shouted them like anthems  
Anxious and suspicious  
That God knew how much we cheated

It can't come quickly enough  
And now you've spent your life  
Waiting for this moment  
And when you finally saw it come  
It passed you by and left you so defeated

* * *

Hermione, Ron and Harry hurried eagerly down the path to The Three Broomsticks. When they finally entered, the autumn air pushed them acceptingly inside. Hermione hopped towards the Town's Bulletin and saw her name under the newly employed list. She screamed in joy. For the first time in her life, she had been given a job! She would be an employee. Madame Rosmerta came from behind the bar to look Hermione up and down. Hermione had simply wore low-riding jeans and a blue sweater, her scarf wrapped tightly around her neck.

"Yesser…you'll fit lovely in the nightshift dress…lovely figure doll," she complimented. Hermione blushed and thanked her.

"Hermione: The Bartender," Ron said dreamingly. She nudged him in the stomach and laughed as Harry turned to order three butter beers.

"This causes for a celebration, right? Our Mione got her very first job!"

"It's only a weekend job, Harry…"

"But still! It'll be an amazing weekend job!"

* * *

Actually, Hermione hated her weekend job like she had predicted. She worked the night shift, and the dress Rosmerta had for her was tight and revealed a lot of her bosom. She kept getting tipped generously by the male customers. Once, one actually pinched her bottom and he ended up going home with a head full of flames.

She realized that she was taking back to her dorm nearly two hundred galleons a weekend because of these men. She felt like a cheap hooker instead of a bartender. She mixed their martinis, their rum, and their vodkas with a fruit.

She scrubbed the counter, getting ready to close up alone for the night when she heard the shrunken heads yell. She turned to see Blaise enter the pub. Immediately, she took a step back from his approach. He grinned.

"Hermione…" he drawled.

"Blaise," Hermione steadily said.

"You're looking quite…well." He whispered, his eyes trailing up and down her figure. Hermione ignored him and took another step back, her face hidden in the clutter of the bar.

"What will you be having?"

"How about you, on this counter?" he asked provocatively. Hermione's eyes grew wide as he walked near the door leading to the back of the bar. He was coming towards her.

"What do you want?" She asked feigning fear. Although her heart pounded, Hermione had seen and dealt with a lot of danger to know what to do.

"We didn't finish what we started, did we?" Blaise asked. He now had her pressed against the bottled shelves. A vodka bottle fell to a crash and he pressed his body against her and kissed her on the neck.

"He's not here to save you, now is he?"

"You're making a mistake Blaise…" she said fiercely. He laughed and continued to kiss her, now on the mouth. Hermione began to kiss back, her head leaning against the shelf. Her hand slid down to rest on the buckle of his pants, then onto his erection.

Immediately he howled in pain. He screamed, backing away from her, his hands covering his crotch. He frantically unbuttoned his pants to release his member, which was slowly and apparently painfully, shrinking.

Hermione laughed as he moved away from her, doubled in pain.

"Don't think…I'll forget this…" Blaise said through tears. He left the pub, and Hermione happily cleaned up the broken bottles and spilled liquor to close up the place for the night.

* * *

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" shouted Harry. Hermione rubbed at her sagging eyes as she came to relax in the common room. _It's Halloween_! She thought, and she happily had the day off from work, and the weekend off of homework that was done ages ago.

"Harry…" she yawned, "happy Halloween…" She plopped down next to him and crossed her legs to lean comfortably into the sofa. She was wearing her favorite pair of daffy duck pajamas and a black t shirt to go with it. "Where's Ron?" she asked, glancing around.

"He wouldn't wake up with me," Harry answered, smiling back at her, "it's just you and me, m'dear."

"Well that's perfectly fine," Hermione confirmed, yawning once more. She lifted her legs to press against her chest on the sofa. She rested her head on her knees.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asked, glancing at his watch.

"Well…what did you have in mind? I mean…I could help you with your potions essay…or we could visit the library," Hermione gave a concentrated look, trying to sum up a to-do list in her mind. Harry cleared his throat and moved closer to her.

"No…I meant…what _we_ can _do._" His cheeks burned feverishly and his smile wavered slightly under the pressure of being suave. Hermione merely laughed.

"Are you _serious?_ Harry…" Hermione protested. But she was cut off as Harry leaned forward to kiss her. She happily wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her to him. Gently, he leaned her onto her back, positioning half of his weight on her as he continued to kiss her. He placed a shaking hand up her shirt to caress her breast, and she moaned in his mouth. She thought, _this is the type of Harry I want. _She sloppily grinded her hips upward, wanting to feel what she had felt in her dream. Harry got onto the sofa, completely above her and nudged her knees apart.

"Not on my watch!" Draco yelled from the stair top. He angrily stared down at Hermione, his body ridge with irritation.

"Bugger off you Bloody nance—" Harry said, removing from on top of her. He plopped beside her.

"—Harry! Don't say that—" she hissed, fixing her shirt.

Draco gave an upturned sneer, looking down at her from the stairs with disgust, "Oh how you move quickly Granger…" and with that, he turned and went back to his room. Hermione turned away from the stairs to stare absently into the blazing fireplace. Harry also turned around, swearing about Draco. Guilt filled her veins as she cursed herself. She didn't have anything to feel guilty _about_, but for some reason, she did. Hermione was interrupted by hearing Ron's bellowing yawn as he entered the common room. She immediately felt her face burn red. If Draco hadn't stopped her and Harry, Ron would have walked in on his two best friends shagging on a sofa. Harry, having also realized this, turned pink as Ron came to sit in between them.

"All right mates? What are we doing today on this joyous holiday?" Ron asked with his usual boyish charm.

* * *

Hermione actually spent the day in the Great Hall alone with Draco decorating it for the Halloween feast they were to have. She entered the hall; her arms filled with pumpkins and nearly fell forward. Draco appeared beside her, catching the pumpkins that flew out of her arms as she went sprawling.

"DAMN IT MALFOY!" She yelled, scrambling to her feet, her lip fat. "YOU COULDN'T TRY TO CATCH ME IN THE PROCESS?" She touched her lip tenderly and cursed her clumsiness. Draco carefully placed the pumpkins on a nearby table with levitation and glanced dryly at her.

"Well Granger, the pumpkins were picked by that great Oaf—"

"DON'T CALL HIM THAT!" She overlapped.

"—of yours and I don't need McGonagall or Trelawney on my tail about destroyed pumpkins…you should be using magic to handle the pumpkins anyways! They said you were smart…" Draco drawled. Her face heated with frustration, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at the pumpkins,

"HERE'S YOUR MAGIC!" She exclaimed, making them explode. The pumpkin remnants flew all over the hall, but most of it ended up on herself and Draco.

"A price to pay to get even…" she howled with laughter. Draco stood rooted to the spot, his arms spread and his head bowed to survey his body. His face was twisted with disgust and he turned to her. She doubled over, her eyes leaking tears as she slapped her knee in laughter. She laughed hard and Draco became blinded with fury. "C'mon, clean it up Malfoy…we'll do it togeth—"

Draco lunged at her, making her slip backwards and land roughly on her back. She cried out in pain and fear as he got on top of her, his hands going around her neck.

"STOP LAUGHING!" He screamed, choking her. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"

* * *

_Flashback_

* * *

_Imagine distortion. Imagine complete and utter darkness._

_Your heart wanted to cry when it broke, and yet you closed your mouth and allowed for the cry to die. Imagine that yearning you had to be accepted by someone you loved, but instead you submitted to nasty sex, so forbidden it entered under your skin, like dirt under fingernails. Imagine the hate you had but couldn't show. Imagine the love you lost, imagine the respect you lost, the confusion and the anger. _

Draco sat in the corner of the rough stone walls, his legs brought up to his chest, in his father's torture chamber. He shivered uncontrollably and wrapped his arms around his naked body. He looked down at the pool of blood his father was pointing down to. _His_ blood. Lucius hovered over it, disgust evident on his sharp features.

Draco had been locked in the torture chamber for nearly two weeks, alone and starving. His father assured him that it would end soon, but still the days dragged, still Draco's stomach cramped at night, still his father beats him, testing his "strength", making him into a man.

"Did you hear me Draco? I told you to clean up this mess…"

"Father, please…I'm sick."

"How can you be sick?" Lucius asked.

"I—I—I—th-th-rew up…" Draco choked out. He lifted his hand to point at the puddle of blood. "I—I—I—think I'm bleeding on the inside," Draco said. Lucius stepped over the puddle quickly and reached out for Draco, grabbing hold of his hair. Lucius yanked him forward, only to slam his head against the wall.

"_No son of mine throws up blood…only a fool—a weak, weak fool,"_ Lucius hissed. Draco cringed, trying to prevent tears from falling. He couldn't help it, they fell down his cheeks and he released a shattering sob. "Weak!" Lucius yelled, punching his son in the head. He drew back his fist and punched him again, making Draco fling his arms up to protect his head. Lucius then drew back his foot and kicked his son in the stomach. Draco fell out near his father's feet and cried. He took a step back and kicked the pool of blood so it splashed all over Draco's face and body. Lucius laughed, his voice ringing out in the chamber. Lucius still laughing glanced down at his shoe, now covered in blood.

"A price to pay to get even, right son? You mess up my floor, I mess you up, and in the mists of it, something gets seriously hurt, like my shoes…but it's worth it…" Lucius laughed again, turning to leave the chamber, shouting over his shoulder,

"Clean this up…"

* * *

**End Flashback**

* * *

"YOU WOULDN'T STOP! YOU JUST WON'T STOP!" Draco screamed hysterically. Hermione pierced his skin with her nails, trying to pry his hands off of her. She began to jerk and kick underneath him, aiming to not go unconscious. She pleaded with him, her eyes leaking with tears. She could see his eyes fogging over with fear and uncertainty.

"Please…no…" she whimpered. He released her and stood from on top of her.

"Oh God," He quivered; "I'm so sorry—" he apologized, "Hermione…I…" he closed his mouth, and then opened it again, saying nothing. Having given up, he turned on his heel and ran away from her sprawled form. She sat up, rubbing at her neck, watching him disappear from the Great Hall.

* * *

"Hermione, what's wrong with your neck?" Harry asked, touching it tenderly, she hissed in response.

"It's nothing really guys, a little accident today in the Great Hall." She sat at the Gryffindor table for dinner as the school watched the performance the Ghosts were giving in honor of Halloween. She merely glanced at the Ghost that came bursting through the center of their table.

"Please tell us Mione, did someone do this to you? It looks like you tried to conceal it, but did a messy job…"

"…I guess you weren't looking in the mirror?" Harry asked. "Is someone abusing you? Is it Blaise?" She shook her head no. "TELL ME SO I CAN HELP YOU!"

Hermione grew irritated. "WHY DO YOU CARE HARRY? SO YOU CAN HAVE AN EXCUSE TO SHAG ME?" She asked angrily. She stood from her seat, "Don't follow me," she said disgusted. Glancing over the amused and shocked faces of the Gryffindor table, she left the Great Hall as McGonagall announced the great work done to the hall.

She quickly left the hall, but wanted to go to her tower, not being a fan of wandering the corridors. She felt dreadfully cold in her Halloween-celebrated skirt. It was a blue denim tutu and she wore an orange t-shirt with a witch hat on it. She suddenly stopped, emotions getting the best of her. She allowed for a wave of tears to flow down her cheeks. She continued to blindly walk down the corridor.

* * *

Draco had been watching her throughout the whole event. He saw as Harry moved to touch her neck and a few minutes later she had stormed away. He stood from his chair, startling Pansy who shot him a curious look.

"Where are you going Draco?"

"To the Tower, I'm tired of this rubbish," Draco nodded at the Ghosts Performance.

"Okay. See you in the morning…" she whispered, patting his arm. He walked away from her, seeing Hermione disappear behind the large double doors.

Draco saw the swaying of her hips in her absurd-looking skirt, her legs long and pale under it. His breath caught in his chest. He saw that she was incredibly gorgeous in the dimly lit corridor, and he's never seen her look so provocative before.

* * *

"Granger! Granger!" Draco ran to catch up with her, his white-blonde hair standing up in all places, free of gel. His chosen costume for the event was simple: black shirt with black pants.

"What do you want Malfoy? Another go at me?" She asked, pointing at her neck. Draco withdrew from her upon seeing that. "I didn't think so," she muttered, turning around to walk away.

"I'm sorry. You don't understand how much I mean that." He lowered his voice. "I've been having troubles Hermione…I—I'm sorry."

She stopped walking, mostly shocked at the softness of his voice, his usual edginess gone from it. She never was a fan of soft voices, but his was so tender and accepting it made her shake in the knees. She felt him walk towards her, and he placed his arms around her body, and rested his head on her shoulder…he was hugging her.

"Please…" he whispered.

She slowly turned around in his arms to look up at him. His eyes were a soft gray as he looked down at her eyes and then to her lips. He moved in to kiss her. At first it was soft, like his voice had been. He slowly made his way to the inside of her mouth, their tongues dancing. He backed her up into a darkened alcove off the corridor, so they wouldn't be seen. He lifted his hand to place it on her cheek and caressed it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and responded with force, her teeth clicking against his lip in desire. He pulled away from her, resting his forehead on hers.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" she asked breathlessly. Draco squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"I don't know," he said quietly, moving away from her. He knew exactly why. He couldn't get the image of his father out of his head. His Father, the one who stole his innocence was behind his eyelids. He felt his father's hands down his back, his weight on him, his lovemaking, and it played vividly in his mind when he kissed her.

"Wait! Malfoy! Draco! Wait!" She pulled him to her again and took his hand and placed it over her breast. "I'm beating so hard for you…can't you feel that?" She asked, caressing his hand. Hermione gently pulled him into her arms and embraced him. He didn't know what to do with his hands for a moment, which was hovering over her back before finally resting his head next to hers and breathing in the scent of her hair, his arms holding her to him. They stood like that for some time, silent, listening to each other's breathing and heartbeats. "Please wait with me?" she asked. He nodded in her hair.

Draco tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.

She removed herself from the embrace, and instead took hold of his hand. She led him to their tower, up the stairs and into her room, where she magically locked the door. Draco felt incredibly safe in her room. He was able to let his guard down and just be there with her. She touched the buckle of his belt, and pulled him to her once more. Her mouth tilted up, Draco kissed her slowly on the lips. She undid the buckle and pushed down his pants and boxers.

"I want to be with you…" she whispered between their heated kisses. Hermione broke the kiss and gazed into his eyes as her hand slid down to his hardness. Draco closed his eyes as her cool fingers closed around him. She ran her hand up and down his shaft, feeling every curve. Her fingers paused at the head of his member and her thumb swept over the head, coating the tip with his pre-cum. Draco groaned and thrust into her hand as he pushed her hair to the side and lowered his mouth to her neck.

"Hermione…" he said, muffled.

"Take me to bed Draco." She started to unbutton his shirt, watching it slip from off his toned shoulders to fall on to the floor. He began to kiss her again, their tongues fighting with each other. He moved her to the bed, and pulled her knickers off hungrily and then her skirt. She removed her shirt herself and sat up to unclasp her bra in front of him, her soft rounded breasts, tipped in rose, her nipples hardened, awaited his touch as they sprang from her bra. He had never seen such a sight before, and it made him shake as he reached out to caress them. She sighed happily at his softness. He grew bolder and took one tip into his mouth. She cried out and he fearfully moved away from her.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No…no…it's just, it feels good Draco. It's okay to shout when things feels good." She said tenderly. She reached out to caress his chest, but Draco swiftly grabbed her wrist. She gasped.

"Please don't."

"Why not?" Hermione asked, her face flushing with humiliation. Instead of answering, Draco began to kiss her again, but Hermione moved away from him, angry.

"Why are you doing this? Why are we doing this?" She asked him, sitting up, her breasts swung. He pulled her to him but she slapped his arms away. She screamed as he pinned her to the bed with his arms.

Honestly, Draco did not know why he was doing this. He hated this girl, or at least he was supposed to. But her kindness had never left his mind and he found himself liking her daily. She held him during his most embarrassing moments, and she had genuinely given him every bit of reason to love her.

She turned back around and pushed him off the bed.

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" She screamed, covering her breasts. "You think you can touch me all over, and then not let me touch you? Want me to touch your prick a wee bit and when you're done using me you flee?" She asked, getting close to his face, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It's not what you think!" Draco gasped. Hermione finally stood from her bed, her arms crossed over her breasts. She grabbed a bathrobe from off her door and swung it on her, quickly tying it around her body.

"I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!" She screamed. Tears were threatening to spill, but she fought against it.

He went to the door, and faced her. She looked away from him. He placed his hand under her chin and yanked her head up to look at him. Her bottom lip trembled as he brought his lips down to hers.

"I don't want to be your whore, Malfoy."

Draco took a staggering step back from her. She was staring intensively, as if trying to burn the statement into his mind. "I wouldn't treat you as my whore Granger. I know how it feels, and it's nothing I could show to another."

Hermione thought nothing of his comment as she moved in to capture his lips. "Don't hurt me; I've never done this before." Draco nodded several times as he slipped her robe off and lifted her into his arms, her legs going about his waist.

He dropped her onto the bed and looked down at her, her body shown with impeccable beauty—from her gorgeous face to her full breasts and down below.

He looked away, shameful about staring. She sat on the bed, encouraging him, spreading her legs invitingly. Draco went to her, and in one fluid motion was on top of her. She gripped his arms as he pushed inside of her.

An agonizing thought raced into his mind: she deserved better than him - the poor excuse for a pureblood that he was! The defiled and permanently stained, scarred. Could she forgive him for touching her, spreading his disease of distortion once she knew what had really happened to him?

He repeated in his mind that he too was a mudblood, so their joining would not be a demolition of something beautiful because they were both soiled before they began the journey. She was disgraced and dirty, and so was he, abused, bloodied, and stretched into something horrible.

He did not allow her to adjust to his size or length, but pushed again and again inside of her. Fascinated, he stared down at where their bodies met, and he watched as his member disappeared inside of her. He pushed her legs wider, getting lost in the slapping noise of their skin.

She screamed, her body twisting underneath him as he stretched her, buried himself inside of her and possibly hurting her. He didn't care. He couldn't believe it. He was shagging _Hermione Granger_ in _her_ bed. He was having sex with a girl, for the first time. She dug her nails into his shoulders as he pumped into her. He became sloppy with his thrusts and he began to shake. He tried hard to keep his thrust steady, not wanting to give in to the climax.

"No…" Hermione whimpered, shaking her head.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked, still moving inside of her.

"NO! GET OUT OF ME!" She screamed, pressing her palms against his chest. "NO!" She looked up at him, confusion spread across her face.

"Hermione, Hermione…it's me…it's me Hermione, Draco…" He stopped thrusting into her as she looked around wildly, her face red and her eyes unfocused, she wept uncontrollably. He wiped away her tears with his hand, shushing her gently.

"Please, don't stop…I'm sorry," she whispered. "Please…I…I'm trying…" she whispered.

"It's okay," Draco said, kissing her forehead, and then her lips. She kissed him back furiously, her hands going into his hair. He began to work into her again, and this time she responded with just as much enthusiasm. She moaned as she thrusts her hips up to meet his. She growled in anticipation and he lost it. He went crashing into her one last time, and spilled everything inside of her, and she went along with him, releasing her juices. She cried his name lazily as she combed his hair with her fingers, removing the sweaty strands from his forehead.

She slid her finger in between their bodies to rest at the top of her and she slid her finger in, massaging herself before being hit with another wave of orgasm. She shuddered.

"What did you just do there?" Draco asked curiously.

"I just came again," she said blandly, smiling.

"But how?" he asked. Hermione gave him a quizzical look.

"Oh…I see…you want a personal lesson!" she said shyly, her eyes glittering with interest. She pushed herself against the headboard, bringing her knees up. She took his hand and led them to her. She showed him where he could put his fingers, how hard to press, and when to touch her sensitive spot. When he got the rhythm, he began to make love to her again in that fashion. She arched her back a bit and licked her lips.

"Don't stop," she whispered urgently. "Please don't...stop..."

"Never," he replied. "I want to see you come, Hermione."

His words seemed to be just what she needed and her breaths came even more quickly than before. Soft moans escaped her as she drew nearer and nearer. Draco kissed her nipple, flicking it with his tongue, keeping the movement of his fingers down below steady. He moved up to her ear and suckled her earlobe. "Come for me," he said into her ear. This sent her over the edge and a cry rose in her throat as she was overtaken with pleasure. She gasped and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly and grinding against his fingers.

Draco watched her, enthralled. He'd never seen a girl come before - and she'd come because of him, because of something he did. He suddenly felt powerful and very manly. He couldn't help but wonder if his father felt this way after making him come? Draco realized that he was cheated into falling in love with his father, and it was nothing at all like this.

_So...is this love?_ He asked himself, watching Hermione fall out against the headboard, her lips gracefully turning up into a smile.

With her, his father was nothing more than a ghost.


	10. Faggot

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

* * *

**Chapter Ten: **Faggot

* * *

Draco had never been so calm since his fifth year. He felt as if he was floating on a cloud as he went to class, did his homework and flirted with a now accepting Granger. It was now November, nearly three weeks since their escapade on Halloween.

That evening they sat in the study together, Hermione at his side, her face in an opened Charms book. She smiled to herself from time to time. Draco twitched in his seat, wanting to touch her bare leg showing due to her short pajama pants, despite the coldness of the tower. She giggled this time, and turned to face him. Some of her hair escaped the ponytail sitting at the top of her head, and it fell perfectly in her face. Draco pushed them out of her eyes and smiled back at her.

"You see this?" she asked, pointing at a letter in the book. "When you jinx someone, you have to make sure the person doesn't have a heart condition…that's the answer to number one," she said, looking over at his question parchment.

"Thank you," Draco said, looking down his paper and scrawling the answer down. She analyzed his face and bit her lower lip as he looked up from his parchment. "If someone were to use the Arvada curse, what would happen to the person casting it?" Draco asked, looking through the book.

"They lose ten percent of their soul, depending on the strength of the victim. The more powerful the victim magically is, the greater the damage on the caster," she answered. Draco smiled and wrote the answer down.

"You're like a walking text book, aren't you?" He asked. She shook her head and wrote out her own answers. She sat her quill in its ink bottle and bit her lip again. Draco saw this as a sign of nervousness.

"Do you think I'm a know-it-all?" Hermione asked calmly. Draco sat back in his chair and gave her a surprised look.

"You're smart Granger, and you know a lot, but not all of it," Draco said.

"Thank you…that was sweet." She kissed him on both cheeks and stood from her chair to walk into the common room. Her tank top did little to hide her chest as she touched her toes to stretch.

"…no problem…" Draco said, watching her stretch. She walked over to the fire and sighed, enjoying the warmth.

Draco went back to his questions for charms, eager to finish his last assignment of the night so he could relax. He scrawled down his answers, not caring if his penmanship looked good or not. He closed his book happily and left the study room. He looked around and couldn't find Hermione.

"Hermione?" Draco shouted. No response. He had just seen her a few minutes ago stretching near the fire, and now, she wasn't there. He heard a crash come from the reading room, and he ran towards it, throwing open the cracked door.

Lucas sat calmly in an armchair, as Hermione lay out on the rug, unconscious.

"How did you get in here?" Draco asked angrily. He went to Hermione's side.

"She thought I was an owl…I flew right in and knocked her over with that—" Lucas pointed to an edition of Hogwarts: A History.

"BASTARD!" Draco screamed, now seeing the dark bruise on Hermione's cheekbone. "You could have seriously hurt her!"

"Shut it Draco! I came here because we had a deal…we had a promise…"

Draco dragged Hermione away from Lucas, "I don't care! It's over!" Draco cried, lifting Hermione and placing her on a sofa. She groaned and fell silent once more. Lucas had jumped onto his feet, slamming Draco into a bookshelf.

"_You little faggot…_" he hissed. "Do you think you're straight now because you're fucking this monster?" Lucas shook Draco. "You'll never be straight. You'll never clean up the mess that's been injected into you—your customers marks, your vivid memories and most of all, Jon! Are you forgetting about your boyfriend?" Lucas asked firmly. Draco shivered.

"He's dead Lucas."

"I'll bring him back…" he said simply. "I know a little Cuban witch that can bring back the dead, in exchange for another life," Lucas pointedly looked at the resting Hermione. Draco pushed his hands away.

"You've got to be kidding! That's ILLEGAL, and I would never do that to Hermione…no matter…how much I loved Jon!" Draco cried, stepping away from him.

"Are you sure Draco? Are you sure you love her more than Jon? He stuck by you…to the very end."

"Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hurting me?" Draco asked, tears forming in his eyes. Lucas slowly made his way towards him, touching Draco on the face tenderly.

"I don't _want_ to hurt you, Baby. I want you to come home to me, come home to daddy," Lucas whispered, he pulled Draco to him and kissed him feverishly, with teeth and tongue. Draco pushed him away, but Lucas couldn't help but laugh and grab at Draco's erection.

"Gay boy playing it straight? What are you _really _playing at Draco?" Lucas asked, placing his mouth over Draco's once again, and slipping his hand down Draco's pajamas to stroke him. Draco moaned and grinded into Lucas's hand, "That's a good fag…come in daddy's hand…"

"_Stop it!_" Draco hissed, grabbing Lucas's hand and pulling it from out of his pants. Lucas purred and took his soaked hand and wiped it down Draco's shirt. "You're disgusting!" Draco shouted in protest, he glanced down at his now damaged shirt.

"Well fuck you too…you tell me to stop after you're done you dirty wanker…you come in my hand, and then you tell me to stop! Stop what?" Lucas grinned. "Still the little faggot…come home and leave the bitch."

"Hermione is not a bitch! I…I love her."

"So you're getting a taste of the opposing team…don't get lost in her bush, Draco. She's not like us…she can't make you feel the way I can, or how Jon did, now can she?" Lucas pressed his body up against Draco's, and Draco reluctantly shook his head.

"No…she can't," he admitted.

"Good. I still want to take up your end of the deal Draco…I'll shag you…so bad you'll hurt." Lucas nastily licked the side of Draco's face, making him cringe. He suddenly changed into a tawny brown owl, circling the room once, and then exiting out of the window he entered.

Draco fell beside the couch Hermione was passed out on. He rested his head against her chest, realizing that she was evenly breathing. Draco exhaled and sat against the couch she was sprawled out on. He covered his hands with his eyes and allowed for tears to take over him. He cried into his palm, thinking, just for a split second, how life would be if he had Jon back. He turned and looked at Hermione, her long lashes at peace and resting gently. He couldn't think about trading her in for another life.

"Draco?" Hermione murmured. She stirred and sat up, peering into his face curiously at the tears. "What happened? Why was I out and…why are you crying?"

It was then that Draco wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her why he ran away, how he met the love of his life and the very man that would try to ruin it. He touched her cheek tenderly, his body jerking from tremors. Hermione's wide worried eyes seemed to swallow him whole. He dropped his head in her lap, crying into her legs. He quietly mumbled, "I was a fucking gay hustler, and fell in love with another…now I can't stop thinking about him!" Draco gripped her legs.

"What? Draco, I didn't hear you…please, please tell me what's wrong!" she cried, lifting his head from her lap. His silver eyes gleamed sadly, and his cheeks were pink.

"I'm a failure Hermione, I'm weak…I shouldn't be crying, I shouldn't be making _love_ to you…I shouldn't be here…" He said. His whole body shook with self-loathing and guilt.

"Draco, you're _not weak_! You're not…stop it," she demanded. Immediately Draco's face cool, and like a child, he obeyed her willingly. "Draco, I need you to tell me what's going on with you…please, you can _trust_ _me!_" Draco knew he couldn't tell her. He wouldn't dare tell her now, and hopefully never.

"I'm just confused…I don't know…I'm just confused…" he whispered again. Hermione hugged him, trying to put her soul into it. She needed him to trust her. "Can we just…can we just drop it?" He asked quietly. Hermione nodded. He stood from off the floor, and sat next to her. She was glancing down at his shirt.

"What happened here?" she asked, touching the stain Lucas had left on him. Draco grew nervous and pushed her hand away.

"Oh…just something fell on me, don't worry." Draco focused as much as he could to use wand-less magic. He cleaned his shirt with the spell, and wrapped his arms around Hermione.

"Would you like to come home with me, Draco? For the holidays?" Hermione asked quietly, as Draco held her close. He didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to go his home for the holidays.

"I would love to."

* * *

_Dear Father,_

_The holidays are approaching, and I know you will want me home. However, I must decline. Dumbledore needs me here to work on some Seventh Year activities. The Head Boy and Girl are in charge, and I need to prove that I'm worthy so I can bring pride to the family. You said that I'm becoming a strong man; let me prove this to you by accomplishing my goals as a student here at Hogwarts. Tell mum I send my warmest of love._

_Your son,_

_Draco

* * *

_

Short, but good? The next chapter will be ridiculously long, so please hold tight! Also, read my other HG/DM fic. It's very cute, and will give you a break some the horrors of this story, lmao. So, please take your time. It's titled "Oi, Granger!" Please review. I love you! 


	11. Merry What?

**Drowning in Spite **

Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

**RAPE SCENE. Please do NOT read if you're going to complain later. Thank you. **

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE IN THE END!**

**Chapter Eleven: Merry What?

* * *

**

You're the echoes of my everything,  
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.  
You're the laziness of afternoon,  
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom  
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,  
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.  
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..  
How will I break the news to you?

MCS

* * *

Hermione grinned as she sat in the back seat of the taxi. Draco followed in behind her, extremely confused and disgruntled by the scent of the interior.

"What a ghastly thing, this creature," He said, leaning forward to look at the Taxi drivers ID, plastered onto the back of the man's seat.

"Draco!" Hermione nudged him and he sat back, a small smile playing on his face.

"Well he is!" Draco exclaimed, glancing sideways at her.

"I know, but it's dangerous to say such things…the man is driving us," Hermione whispered. She realized that the taxi driver was staring at her through the rearview mirror.

"Oh, don't worry! I brought my wand," Draco said, patting her on the arm. Hermione covered her eyes with her hand in exhaustion as Draco released a hefty laugh.

"Where are you from?" the taxi driver asked. Draco's jaw was sliding open at the abrupt question.

"I don't bloody well see how that's any of your business, mate." Draco scowled the man.

"Sorry!" Hermione shot a deadly look at Draco, "we're coming from London sir."

"I reckon you and your boy are comfortable back there?" the man asked, eyeing Draco's discomfort. Draco cleared his throat.

"We're completely fine…" Draco stated, leaning against the cushioned seat, his face upturned in disgust.

He then pressed his face against the frosting window, his lips turning up in a fitful smile, he was grinning now as he saw the lamp posts, the mailboxes, the streets and alleys, cars and stores—all kinds of stores. He was literally brimming with interest and amazement. He silently thanked Hermione for wanting to stop off at his vault in Diagon Alley to exchange some galleons for thick band of what Hermione had called pounds. He was eager to run into these shops, and look at the creations that such a lowly-received world made.

Hermione rested her head on Draco's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her, loving the feel of her against him.

The car came to a stop in a largely spaced area. Hermione loved her house. Both her parents were well-known dentists in London, having their own private practice and to top that off, the Grangers were a respectable lot, wealth and health-wise. She jumped out of the car, staring around at the quiet snow covered neighborhood. Her house had a half circle drive thru, leading up to the shiny maroon colored stairs of her rather large house. She grinned, having forgotten how nice her house was. Her mother opened the front door and Hermione gasped.

Andrea Granger was still stunning. Having married Daniel at a young age, she was able to maintain her stylish lifestyle with her lovely baby girl dangling around her waist. Her amber colored hair, much like Hermione's, was straightened and flowing down her back. She had on an ivory colored skirt with a pale pink blouse, accentuating her rosy cheeks and honey brown eyes. Her reading glasses hung around her neck on a fine, thin gold chain as she covered her mouth with her hand. Daniel Granger came from behind her; his dark blonde hair was finely combed, wearing his brown, Harrison tweed jacket and black pants. He was a lanky man, but Hermione saw him as her superman. She ran to her parents, nearly slipping in the snow.

"MUM! DAD!" She cried, running into their arms and hugging them tightly. Her mother squeezed her senseless as her father kissed the top of her head. She quickly turned around to see that the taxi driver was gone, and that Draco had both her cloak and her purse, which she had left in the taxi due to her rushing out of the car. Draco quietly and patiently waited on the pavement near the snow covered tree. Ms. Granger eyed him suspiciously.

"Have we met that young man before? That's not Harry or Ron, Hermione. Who is he?" she asked. Daniel cleared his throat.

"There's no need standing in the snow, my boy. Please, any friend of my daughter is welcomed in my house." Daniel's voice was booming yet inviting. Draco couldn't help but think about what these people thought about him, what their daughter might have said to them about him. He approached them carefully. Daniel was stepping back into the foyer, gently tugging his wife along with him to survey the young man crossing over his threshold. Draco lowered his hood to his cloak, his platinum blond hair exposed, along with his pale eyes and pink lips. Hermione reached out for his hand as she closed the door behind her. She turned to face her parents, their expressions upturned in disgust and shock.

"You!" Daniel choked out. "You're that boy!"

Andrea shook her head wildly, "Hermione, is this not that…that…death eater?"

"Mum! Please…" Hermione hissed, pulling Draco into their sitting room. The walls were a very peachy color, with perfect marble colored sofas and armchairs. A blazing fireplace warmed the room, and paintings and childhood memories of Hermione and her parents hung beside them. She led Draco onto one of the sofas.

"Hermione…explain your self…" Daniel shouted, pulling her away from Draco. "Why have you brought him here?"

"Isn't he the one that made you all flustered the summer of your third year?" Andrea asked, her head cocked to the side in memory. Hermione flushed and sat on the sofa, but Draco still stood.

"Excuse me…I pose no harm to you or your daughter…" Draco said politely.

"What he means, mum and dad, is that we're friends now. He's not a pompous arse anymore, and we actually like each other."

"Mind your tongue!" Andrea snapped.

"Excuse me" She said sarcastically.

"Okay, okay…" Daniel sighed. "I trust you Herms, you know I do," Daniel pulled his daughter from her seat and hugged her tightly. He then turned around and stuck out his hand for Draco to shake. They both exchanged strong grasps.

"You won't be disappointed sir, I truly love your daughter's company," Draco said kindly. Hermione smiled at him. Andrea had moved forward to shake his hand, but instead Draco pulled her into a hug, making her chuckle with discomfort.

"Are you hungry Draco? I'm almost done with supper; perhaps Hermione can show you her room?"

"No, she will kindly show you to the _guest_ bedroom. I'm sorry, but your liking of my daughters company stops at the foot of her bedroom door," Daniel said, stepping back so Hermione could lead Draco out of the sitting room.

"Daddy!" Hermione cried out in shock. Her cheeks were turning red, but Draco nodded, and was soon sighing in relief. Ms. Granger was ahead of them. Her heels clicked against the marble steps leading onto the second floor, Draco and Hermione followed behind her.

"It's always nice to have a young man in the house. My daughter's been through a lot since this whole wizarding thing. I really appreciate your change of heart, and hope to see you more often in this family…" she said lovingly. Hermione patted her mother on the back.

"Okay mum! I don't think Draco wants to hear the boyfriend-future-husband talk. It's not very smooth; you nearly had Harry fall down the stairs the last time you did it." Hermione opened up her bedroom and jumped happily onto her bed.

Draco stood in the doorway, looking around as Ms. Granger smiled uncertainly. "It'll be our little secret, I won't tell her father you were in here," she winked at him and left her daughter and Malfoy alone.

He was fascinated by it all. Although her room was a fraction of his room, hers was vibrant, with bright colors and objects he'd never seen before. Most of her walls had posters of men with big hair. Draco entered the room, afraid to knock over things. He pointed to a rather large flat looking thing.

"What is that?" Draco asked. Hermione looked up from her pillows.

"Oh, that's my computer…a laptop."

"And…a computer is?"

"Well, it's a muggle object. It's there to help you type things, search for anything and look at images in a short amount of time. I'm trying to explain it the best way I can…later I'll show you how it works," she mumbled, falling back onto her pillows.

"What about that?" Draco asked. He pointed at her stereo.

"It's for music."

"Oh." Draco had never felt so inexperienced. He quietly cursed himself from the lack of knowledge. He knew that it wasn't really his fault; he had grown up hating anything to do with muggles. "And that?" he pointed at her television.

"You turn it on, images shows up…it's for entertainment purposes."

"Oh…"

"Lock the door, Draco," Hermione demanded huskily. He turned to stare at her. She rested on her pillows, her sweater off and her skin shown with softness. Draco turned the little knob on the door and pulled off his clothes to join her on the bed. He only had on his boxers and socks. Hermione giggled as she pressed her hand against Draco's smooth stomach. "God, I love the feel of you."

Draco shivered and kissed her lovingly on the cheek. "And I love the taste of you." Draco took a deep breath. "I love you Hermione."

She withdrew her hand from his stomach and looked up at him, "you what?" she asked.

"I—I love you?" He said uncertainly. She frowned.

"It's only been a month; I mean…how can you know for sure?"

"I know it because that's what I'm feeling!" Draco exclaimed. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, her back facing him. Draco grew fearful and placed his hand on her shoulder. He thought about Jon, and about the first time they told each other how much they loved one another. He grew queasy as Hermione paused, her breathing ragged and fearful.

"I didn't know this was going to happen so fast…" she whispered. " But I love you too…I'm sorry…I feel it too…it just took me so hard!" She turned back around, her eyes tearful. Draco wrapped his arms around her as she moved to rest her head on his chest. "It…it just…took me so hard," she cried. Draco silenced her by wrapping his arms around her. "I've…never…felt this so much…" Draco kissed her passionately, lifting her head in his hands gently. She responded, her body craving his touch. He pulled her underneath him.

* * *

"So, Draco honey, tell us about yourself, what do you plan on doing after Hogwarts?" Ms. Granger asked over dinner. They were seated in the Granger's lavish dining room. Draco practically felt filthy as he ate from the Granger's expensive china. When he glanced down at his plate before dinner, his reflection peered back up in him, as if asking, _"What the fuck, why are you here you unworthy twat!"_ Hermione was practically glowing as she sat beside him. Her face was rosy, and her hair smelled incredibly sweet after a nice shower, and shag.

"Um…I have no idea. Hopefully the war will be over by then, and I'll be able to move out on my own," Draco said, before touching his steaming food. He actually meant, _hopefully Potter would kill Voldemort, and his father, before the year was out_. Ms. Granger had made sweet meat pies, a lovely roast and other bits of foods. Draco didn't know what to choose, so he took a little of everything.

"And your parents, are they strict on you, moving out I mean?" she continued. Draco glanced up at her, his eyes blank of any emotion, making Ms. Granger shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"They wouldn't care," Draco lied. Who else would his father shag, if he wasn't there, his mother? He doubted it.

"Draco is very reserved about his family, aren't you Draco?" Hermione asked helpfully. He nodded.

"I don't talk about them often." Very true there.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ms. Granger apologized. Draco shook his head.

"It's quite okay…we're not that close, my parents and I," another lie. Ms. Granger gave him a sad look. _I don't need your pity,_ Draco thought angrily, but he kept it to himself.

"Well, Hermione, how long have you and Draco been dating?" Ms. Granger asked kindly. Mr. Granger grunted rudely. "Manners, dear!" she snapped at her husband, he immediately grew quiet. But Hermione had flinched at the question. Actually, Draco never really asked her out, the shagging just sort of…happened.

"Three weeks," he answered. Hermione glanced up at him, and she felt his hand move under the table to grasp hers. She smiled.

"Three weeks mum!"

"Very nice, will you be spending the summer with Hermione, also? She's going to France by herself, did you know that? To visit her Grandmother! Hermione speaks very fluent French!" Ms. Granger kept talking, and frankly, Hermione was ready to slam her hand over her mother's mouth. Instead, she looked away and played with her food.

"I didn't know that ma'am!" Draco said surprised.

"Le là est beaucoup que vous ne connaissez pas le," Hermione chirped. Draco smiled. _There is much you don't know._

"Mais je suis disposé à le découvrir!" he said back, "_Et si tout va bien je découvrirai votre côté crépu aussi," _he added on, giving her a delicate look. _Yes, but I'm willing to find out…and your kinky side also._ Hermione blushed.

"Oh, se comportent! Mon père sait le français…" she whispered. _Oh, behave! My father knows French…_

**(AN: **Sorry about the French, for any of you french speakers!)

Draco looked over at Hermione's father, who was literally brimming with anger. Ms. Granger touched his shoulder lightly with a small smile.

"So, maybe you two will like traveling to France together," Ms. Granger said, nodding her head. "It should definitely be discussed; you two obviously have good chemistry…"

"Je conviens!" her daughter responded. _I agree!_ Draco grinned.

Dinner went on steadily, and when dinner was over, Hermione and Draco offered to clear the table, and wash the dishes.

"I didn't know you could speak French, Draco," Hermione said, as she pulled out her wand. Draco did the same and shrugged.

"Father made sure that I was fluent in Italian, Greek, French, Hebrew, and Latin and Spanish," Draco said. Hermione looked impressed.

"¿Su padre debe amar estas idiomas?" Hermione asked in Spanish. Draco shrugged. _Your father likes these languages? _

"He likes them; he's obsessed with languages, actually…" He gave her an impressed look. "How many languages _do you_ know?" he asked. Hermione grinned.

"Just two, Spanish and French," she responded, holding on to her wand. Draco levitated the plates, and moved to kiss Hermione fully on the lips.

"Very cute, Granger!" he whispered.

After they finished, they went back to Hermione's room. Draco flopped down on her bed, crawling up to the headboard. Hermione however, moved over to her stereo, and turned it on.

"What's that again?"

"It's to play music; it's called a stereo…"

"Stare-ee-oh?" he pronounced. Hermione nodded. Draco watched as she played with the little buttons on it.

"Want to listen to some muggle music?" she asked, turning around. "I'm usually into British artists, but I love my share of American artists," she said with a smirk. Draco shrugged.

"Is it in any foreign language I don't know? This muggle music of yours…or should I say, "American" music?" he asked carelessly, allowing for his head to fall against the headboard.

"You'll understand it…"

_I know you work across the street  
in the indie record store  
I'm thinking someday that we'll meet  
I'm thinking we'll do something more  
I hide behind my magazine  
then I see you walk on by  
I'm not ready to be seen  
I'll just sit right here and spy. _

Draco gave a quizzical look. "You _listen_ to this? This woman does not sound human," he said. "What is she?"

"She's a human and her band S'called Freezepops, and its electro."

"_What?"_ he asked. Hermione giggled.

"It's electronic, like, err…the noise is made through…other things besides her voice…machines…" she said, having been met by Draco's confused stare.

"Well, she sounds okay I suppose. Very nice." Hermione flopped on the bed with him now.

"I know, doesn't she? They've toured here in Europe; I've been to a few of their shows…"

_I've got a plan in mind for you  
I'm waiting till the time is right  
I know that you'll like what I do  
no need to put up a fight  
watching you from far away  
you look so sweet and clueless  
soon I'll move in on my prey  
it's time for me to do this_

"She's a bit of a stalker, isn't she?" he asked. Hermione laughed.

"I guess that's right, yeah, she's a stalker, but she likes this boy, you know?"

"Do you like me, Granger?" Draco asked huskily. Hermione began to crawl on top of him, straddling his narrow hips. She pulled her shirt above her head, and wrapped her long auburn locks and expertly braided it. She leaned forward and captured his lips.

…_I've seen you here before  
I want to see you more and...  
More you get inside my head  
I want you in my bed  
from far away I check you out  
can't let you see me  
can't let you see me  
yeah, I know that you'll soon be mine_

"Bloody hell," Draco gasped, "that was a hell of a kiss Granger." His cheeks were a light pink, and he realized that the song had ended, and was moving into another. "And who is this?" he asked. Hermione grinned.

"My favorite," she said, moving her hand in between their bodies, she began to unbutton Draco's pants, and said "they're British…The Cure…" She successfully got his pants off, and she lifted herself slightly so he could pull his pants and boxers off the rest of the way. "Remind me tomorrow that we're going to get you some decent muggle _jeans!_" she hissed, reaching behind her to grab Draco's pants, tossing them off her bed. He laughed, placing his hands on her hips. He did away with the zipper of her skirt, pulling it over her head.

_show me  
show me  
show me  
how you do that trick  
the one that makes me scream  
she said  
the one that makes me laugh  
she said  
and threw her arms around my neck _

show me how you do it  
and I promise you  
I promise that I'll run away with you  
I'll run away with you…

Draco was hit with a wave of emotion as this man sang. For some reason, he had some deep understanding of what he was saying. He gasped.

"This muggle is good, Granger…"

"I know! Robert Smith is absolutely to _die_ for!"

"Well, I don't know about that, but this song is good, he said, reaching up to unclasp her bra. She sighed as his fingers reached up for her breasts. "I've missed these…" he whined, kneading them gently. She purred under his touch.

"Did you lock the door?" she asked between her pleasure sounds. Draco swore under his breath, and removed one hand to find his wand on her nightstand. He locked the door quickly, and pulled her down completely.

"The knickers, Granger," he moaned as she slid down his body. He grabbed her knickers, clenching them in his fist, and yanked them off, making her yelp. "I'm sorry, love," he whispered, kissing her on the forehead. Hermione grabbed the hand that was caressing her thigh, and brought it over her heart.

"I love you," she whispered. His eyes shown as she said this, her tone soft and loving.

"I love you too," he pulled her off of him, and then under him. She looked up at him, her eyes telling him what she wanted to say. He brought his lips down once again, before sliding into her.

_spinning on that dizzy edge  
I kissed her face and kissed her head  
and dreamed of all the different ways I had  
to make her glow  
why are you so far away?  
She said  
why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?  
That I'm in love with you?_

Draco stirred in his sleep, feeling something stroke his face lovingly. He smiled and opened his eyes.

Only to wish he was dead.

"Good morning, love," Lucas said. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. Draco moved away from his touch and pressed his back against the headboard. He then turned to see that Hermione was not beside him.

"WHERE IS SHE?" he growled, sitting up quickly and grabbing Lucas's shirt, yanking him forward. Lucas smiled as Draco held him close.

"Poor girl, I don't know where she is…" Lucas said, examining his nails. Draco shook him hard.

"Don't be foolish! TELL ME!" he shouted.

"She's on the floor," Lucas whispered, his eyes turning a violent purple. Draco was immediately hit with a wave of lust as Lucas stared him down.

"_Stop it!_" Draco hissed. Lucas's eyes softened, but he wouldn't let the feeling Draco was having, go.

"You like me Draco, it's a mutual attraction."

"It's just your Veela side! Stop it!" Draco released him from his grasp, leaning over the bed to see that Hermione was _not _there. Before he could turn around, Lucas had brought his fist crashing against the side of Draco's face, he nearly lost his conscious.

"See Draco," Lucas moved and bounded Draco's hands above his head. "Your little mudblood bitch is all tied up right now…" Lucas held a letter in his hand that Hermione had left earlier. He had watched them all night as they shagged. "She doesn't care about _you_."

_Went with mum and dad to the deli,_

_Are you up to some bagels?_

_Be back soon!_

_I love you!_

He crushed the letter in his fist. "That bloody bitch doesn't know how much you're in debt to me. I'm going to take my prize now." Lucas began to unbutton his pants, his purple eyes now on fire. Draco struggle against him as he got on top of his body.

"Wait! Wait!" Draco cried. Lucas stopped. "Please…don't do this," Draco wept. "Don't be like my Father…"

"I'm sorry Drakiebut I'm a tad bit_ worse _than your Father," Lucas murmured. He plunged into Draco, who was not prepared for the intrusion at all. There was nothing to guide him in easily. Draco pulled against the restraints, knowing that there would be bruises later. He then began to cry as Lucas pulled in and out of him. "_Mudblood Lover!"_ Lucas growled, pushing in deeper. Draco felt as if he was being ripped apart. Lucas had lifted Draco's legs to be thrown over his shoulders, gripping Draco's thighs extremely hard. He began to moan uncontrollably, and came inside Draco.

Draco released a shattered cry and rested his head against his pillow, tears spilling down his cheeks as he thought about his Father, Jon, and every man he's ever been with. Lucas had pulled from out of him, leaving Draco feeling empty. He got off from the bed.

"Now I smell like the mudblood," Lucas said, disgusted. He glanced down at Draco. "I should leave you like this, teary eyed and tied up…" He smiled and shook his head, "but I advise you to take a proper shower to rid you of the impureness of that Mudblood."

He undid the bounds on Draco's hands, which flopped down onto the bed carelessly. He had lost all feeling in them. Lucas's purple eyes shown with a gleeful happiness as he heard someone coming up the stairs.

"DRACO! WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!" Hermione called from the stairs. Her hand went around the door knob to find out that it was locked. "Draco?"

"I'll be seeing you Drakie!" Lucas said with a wink. He then apparated.

Hermione unlocked the door with her wand. "Draco, why is the door locked?" she asked crossly. "Draco?" Her face filled with fear as she saw the empty expression in Draco's eyes, and that he had been crying. She ran over to her bed, jumping on it to wake him from his trance. "My God! Draco! Tell me what's wrong!" She saw the black and blue bruises around Draco's wrists. "What…what happened?" she asked, touching the tender contusion.

"I've been fucked, obviously," he said, his voice hollow. Hermione flinched at his harsh words.

"What do you mean?" she asked in a tiny voice. Draco lifted his hands to cover his face. He didn't want her to see him cry anymore, he didn't want her to know how weak he was, so weak that he couldn't get himself out of something as disgusting as being touched by Lucas. Hermione heard his sobs, and placed her hands over his, pulling them away from his face. She leaned in and kissed his tears away. "Tell me what you mean Draco," she whispered. She soon regretted asking, because Draco had grabbed her so quickly, the wind was knocked out of her. He held her wrists in his hands and he shook her.

"I shouldn't have come!" he cried. "I should've gone home! I don't belong here, with you…" Hermione's eyes displayed her hurt and confusion.

"Draco…"

"JUST SHUT UP!" He had thrown her away from her, scrambling from off of the bed. Hermione gasped as she saw the bruises on Draco's backside.

"What happened to you!" she asked, her eyes wild. Draco turned around and to scream, but when he saw Hermione's face glistening with tears, all angry thoughts drained from out of him. He immediately went to her.

"Please don't cry…it's nothing…something of the past…" he whispered, wrapping his naked body around her. She shook as she surveyed the bruises. "I love you okay? I love you…" he said, trying to soothe her.

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE: Please read my bio! I have created a yahoo group for my stories. They're edited, NC17, and some have alternate endings. I also have a new fic on there. So please, read, review, and JOIN MY YAHOO GROUP! THANK YOU!**


	12. Severed Veins

**Drowning in Spite**

**Summery:** The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning:** This is a very Dark fic. Please DO NOT READ if you are offended by _ANY_ of this.

**A/N:** Okay, so they're more mature this year. The story is a little lighter from here on out, Draco's father isn't around, and Hermione seems to be fitting into her own skin comfortably now. This story is off to a smashing bang!

**CONTAINS UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS. **

**IF YOU GET UPSET WHILE READING, I'M SORRY. **

* * *

**Chapter Twelve:** Severed Veins

* * *

_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression  
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow  
And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles it's a very, very  
Mad world  
Mad world _

_--Gary Jules

* * *

_

Draco sat calmly on the closed-lid toilet of a public loo. He didn't like the crowded noises of the mall Hermione had taken him to, and he didn't like the pain he was feeling tearing down his backside every time he walked. He felt the weight of change in the pocket of his newly bought jeans. Hermione had insisted he wear them out the store. He saw this and laughed, knew that everything would be okay in this muggle world. That he wouldn't have to be figured out. He knew that he wouldn't be found either, and that maybe, Hermione would be able to get over him. He hoped that she would remember all the times he was evil, and forget the passionate times.

He fidgeted, and pulled out his wand, whispering a soft incantation as he pulled his sleeve up. He had braced himself all day for this, and he had promised himself he would wait. He couldn't disrespect Hermione's parent's house by doing it there. He knew that this was his time to go. Here, ironically in a muggle place, with a putrid smell, and a horrid white box-of-a-prison.

He traced the tip of the wand across his wrist quickly, and cried out. He had locked the men's loo door, in fear of someone coming in. Immediately the blood began to poor out, and Draco tried to cut his other wrist by putting his wand in his left hand to cut the right, but he had lost all feeling in his left hand. He was sliding forward, onto the pissed on floor. He was crying aloud now, heart-wrenching cries. He was in so much pain, it was blinding him. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the door, waiting for the blackness to consume him. His mind raced immediately to his Father—his Father playing with him as a child, trying to teach him how to fly. It was his favorite memory of him and his Father, and he often visited it when his Father was fucking him. He would focus on that memory, and convince himself that it was out of love, that everything he was doing was out of love.

But then he remembered Hermione. Her eyes were boring into him, and he remembered the softness of her lips, the smallness of her hands and the roundness of her breasts. He remembered her tender words and her telling him she loved him. He wanted to touch her silk hair at the moment. She showed him, without knowing it, that his Father touching him was wrong, and that love was deeper than sex. It was in his soul, and in his heart. But he couldn't think of her now. He wanted to see her face again; he wanted to see her eyes again before he went. She had brought him to this muggle place, letting him run wild in the stores. He bought a thing called an ipod, a computer (promising that she would transform it from its muggle state to bring to school) he bought jeans, he bought trainers, and he bought her a promise ring. He did all the things he ever wanted to do. He wanted to do things with her, and he did. He then saw Hermione's face lit up with tears, the immense hurt she would probably feel because of him. He thought of the confusion that would swim through her mind, believing that it was all her fault, and that there could have been something she could have done to stop him. He didn't want her to hurt, not like how he was hurting.

But he didn't want her to know that he had infected her with his sins, with his filth. _Her eyes,_ he thought, _my escape._

And he thought about them.

"Hermione…" he cried. "Hermione…please," he was losing conscious now. "Hermione…" he whimpered. The blood was pooling around his legs, and under the door into the rest of the loo. He could hear a soft thudding noise in the distance, along with the heartbeat in his ears. He was dying, and he knew he didn't have anymore time now. The thudding in the distance soon became footsteps, and a scream.

Hermione had yanked the door open, seeing Draco sit on the floor, bleeding.

"Is he okay?" yelled someone from the door. Hermione was on her knees now, crying as she yanked Draco into a sitting position, he had slid onto his back in the loo, his feet curled to the side.

"DRACO!" she screamed. She had pulled out her wand, trying to wake him. "Oh God, oh God no!" Hermione screamed frantically. A young man had come from behind Hermione. He was a janitor, and had kindly opened the door for Hermione when she had told him that the door was locked, and her boyfriend was in there. He gasped.

"I'm calling the medics!" he shouted. But Hermione whipped her head around.

"NO! Leave him alone!" she cried, pressing him against her body. She held his head against her chest and cried into his blond locks. The man had stopped at the door, and turned to stare at her in shock.

"You're going to let him die?" the janitor shot at her. Hermione shook her head.

"He's healing…" she whispered. When the man wasn't looking, she had healed Draco's deep infliction, now only praying that he wasn't too far gone to come back.

She felt Draco clamp his right hand on her elbow as she rocked him against his chest.

"Hermione…I called for you…and…you're here," he said weakly. Hermione smiled and kissed him on the lips.

"Why?" she whispered, holding his face in her hands, "why Draco? Why would you do this? I almost lost you…" she held him close again, this time searching the pocket of her parka for her cell phone and dialed her Father's cell. She slammed it against her ear; Draco still pressed against her, and turned to stare at the shocked janitor.

"He didn't cut deep!" she cried at the man. "Please! Help me clean this mess," she said, looking down at the blood. Draco was quietly muttering to himself as she rocked him. "Daddy!" she cried, "Daddy! Please come get me and Draco…"

The janitor had left and came back with a mop and bucket. He quickly cleaned the mess up, grimacing as the water turned a murky red color as he dipped the mop in.

"Daddy…please…just come get us! I'll explain later!" Hermione shouted, and then closed the phone and turned to see that the janitor was nearly finished, just wringing the mop out.

"Where'd his mark go?" the janitor asked, suddenly realizing Draco wasn't bleeding anymore. "And what're you holding that stick? What—"

Before he could finish, Hermione had whipped around with her wand.

"OBLIVIATE!" she cried. The man stumbled backwards, and slipped on the floor, landing on his back and hitting his head against the floor. She hoped that he would be okay, but her attention was on Draco. "Can you stand?" she asked. He nodded weakly, and unfolded his legs.

* * *

Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, patiently waiting for Draco to speak up. Her father had come to pick her up, and she quickly told him that Draco wasn't feeling well, but not about his near death experience. She cradled his paling form to her chest, tenderly touching his face every so often.

Now he was lying against her pillows, his blonde hair covering most of his face, and bandages tightly wrapped the wound he had earlier inflicted. She had healed him the best way she could, trying to connect his severed veins, but she knew he would be scarred. She had dropped his shopping bags on top of his trunk, which sat against her bed, and helped him lay out on her bed. She glanced back at him, to find his staring back at her.

"So, tell me…" she started. Her voice shook as she tried to keep a steady and calm voice, "why?" Draco looked away now, fingering the bandages on his wrist. He shrugged.

"I don't want to be here anymore," he whispered. Hermione sighed, willing herself to not cry.

"But why Draco? What made you like this, what has happened to you? I knew you were cutting, but…but…I didn't know you were trying to _kill_ yourself!" she shouted. She had once read in a teen muggle magazine that people that cut usually do it to feel, to live, and know that they're living, but Draco was not simply doing that. He almost died today. She wanted to stop him from cutting period, but it wasn't something that could be done in a day, and she had come to terms with that.

"You don't know anything!" he shouted back, sitting up in the bed, Hermione had jumped off, believing he would strike her. He gave her a shocked expression. "I wasn't going to _hit you_, you know?"

"How would I know? It wouldn't be the first time!" Hermione replied, her eyes stormy.

"Because I wouldn't…I will never hurt you again," he whispered.

"Just last year you tried to kill Blaise and Pansy, and you hurt me on Halloween, you slashed the mandrake and your own teacher," she recalled. Draco took in a sharp breath and glared at her.

"I'm not like that anymore…you've helped me with that Hermione; I thought you would know that…"

"What I want to know is, Draco, that in all our times we've _fucked_, you've never allowed me to touch your back, just your shoulders, your neck, but not your chest? What I want to know is how you got those bruises on you…and I what I want to know…is why you haven't mentioned anything about you or your family. We've never really talked about your family ever, actually!" she hissed.

"What are you talking about?" Draco snapped. "And what would it matter!"

"I just want to know what's wrong with you! You're…you're…you're not yourself. And what Harry and Ron call you…"

"WHAT? A FAG?" he bellowed. Hermione grew quiet, surveying Draco's crumbling form on her bed. "Gay?" He looked up at her now, his eyes glistening with tears.

"You're—you're not _gay._ You're…how? Since when?" she whispered. Her whole body had gone numb in confusion.

"Last summer, my father..." Draco paused, his fist curling around Hermione's comforter. He couldn't believe he was about to admit his secret. "My father began to have sex with me last year," he stated. He was aware that Hermione had made a gagging noise. "He was…so mean to me…he raped me sometimes so horribly, I would bleed for hours. Sometimes I would stay in the Dungeons; naked and starved…I would be so _cold, so very, fucking cold._" Draco began to shake. "But he loved me," he said in a tiny voice. "He loved me and that's all that mattered, the others never did. If he loved it, I loved it."

"No…" she moaned softly. "No…this can't be happening…" Hermione cried. She remembered Harry and Ron calling Draco a fairy, a queer. She remembered how Draco was about his body, how he was so reserved, and didn't know anything about her body when they first had sex. He didn't even know how a woman's body even reacted. "How could you let him do this to you?"

"I had no choice!" Draco cried out. "I had to!"

"You didn't!" Hermione shouted back. She knew what she was saying was _so wrong,_ but she wanted to hurt him. "So what was I? Some bloody test to see if you liked it both ways?"

"No…I mean…you showed me another door Hermione…"

"OH! I DID?" she cried. Draco was now sitting with his legs curled under him.

"I was confused."

"But now you're gay?" she asked rudely. Draco shook his head.

"No…I'm in _love with you!_ Isn't that enough proof?"

"YOU ALLOWED YOUR FATHER TO RAPE YOU!" she cried out in defeat. "How _could_ you?"

"It wasn't my fault…" Draco whispered.

"IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she knew it was all wrong to be saying this to him. He looked as if he had been slapped. "YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM!" Hermione immediately bit back her words, but they kept coming. "YOU LIKED IT!" Draco gasped. "YOU LIKED IT, YOU DISGUSTING FREAK!" They were once said to her about Blaise. She was once glared at by her own self, looking hatefully in a mirror. She asked herself repeatedly how something like that had happened. How could she let Blaise do that to her? And finally, she told herself it was all her fault, like she was telling Draco. She didn't know how much she was damaging him.

"But he…"

"How could you DO this to _me_?" she asked frantically. Her stomach began to twist in guilt. "I was nothing to you, was I?"

"YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!" he cried, but Hermione had turned her back to him, tears streaming down her face. "I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU! WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS?" Draco shouted over her sobs.

"But you LIED!" she screamed. "You lied to me…you're _disgusting,"_ she whispered the last part. Her eyes were dark as they bore into his silver ones. His eyes went round with fear. "HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME? WHEN YOU SAY IN THE SAME BREATH THAT YOU LOVE YOUR FATHER? YOU LOVED WHAT HE DID TO YOU?" she shouted.

"I was confused!" Draco tried to explain, "I was afraid, hurt and confused…I didn't know what it was, I was never taught to disobey, and I was never taught to feel anything…but Hermione, when I felt this…I didn't know what it was, and Father called it love…and I loved it…"

"So what do you do? Do you fuck men now?" she said cruelly. Draco flinched. "You implied that he wasn't the first. Who else have you fucked?"

"I had a boyfriend."

Hermione fell onto her knees now, looking sick. Her head was spinning wildly. "And?"

"And he died. My Father killed him when he found out…"

"What did you do when you ran away?" she asked.

"I…I did some things I'm not proud of—"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" she screamed, cutting him off.

"I SOLD MY BODY!" He shouted. Hermione cried out, her body shaking in anger and shock. She shook her head.

"Just…just…tell me…who the fuck you are!" she screamed.

"I'm a ghost, lurking on the edge of everyone's existence. I'm the numbness in your heart, and the shivers that attack your body when you're afraid. I'm a broken body that was once in love with a boy who was very kind to me. He had the brightest blue eyes, and the darkest of blonde hair. He was tall, he was a half muggle, half wizard and he took every beating that was meant for me." Draco paused, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I was once human, maybe cruel and evil, but I was human...I had friends, and I had a home. But when it was all taken away from me, all I had was that one boy, who was ever so kind to me, and loved me, and saved me. I'm someone who made people happy through my body, I'm someone who wasn't just raped by their father, but by anyone who had the opportunity to do so," Draco flinched. "I'm someone who was given another chance, and fell in love with someone again. I'm someone who asks for forgiveness everyday, and will never recieve it. I'm someone lost, and I'll never be able to find my way out of it, and I'm sorry."

_"Get out!"_ she whimpered. She began to cough uncontrollably. "_Just leave_!" Draco drew in a cold breath, and glanced down at Hermione weeping form. He moved to touch her, but she jerked away. "DON'T touch me!" she shouted. She had jumped up now, straightening her clothes, and wiping her eyes dry with her hands. "I want you out…you're—you're a liar. And…you hid this from me, tried to kill yourself, and led me on…I'm nothing but your _experiment!_" she cried. Draco's head dropped. He always knew she wouldn't understand.

"I'm sorry I poisoned you," he said sincerely. Hermione looked away as she wrapped her arms around her body. She pointed at his trunk, and the bags they had brought home from the mall. He pushed the items to the bottom of his trunk, and closed it, giving Hermione a hard look before shrinking it. He swung his cloak around his body, not knowing what to do. He still had some muggle money left. He picked up the jewelry sized box and placed it in his pocket, following his wand. He turned around and went to open the door, when he heard her voice.

"What was his name?" she asked quietly. Draco turned to look at her, and then back at the door knob with a sigh, his eyes squeezing shut as John's face flashed across his eyelids.

"John…" he said breathlessly.

"Did you love him?" Draco swallowed, the reply spilling out of him like vomit.

"Oh god, yes," he said, opening the door, and exiting it, leaving behind a weeping Hermione.

* * *

Draco trotted up the steps to the manor, the lights lit up the house as noise came from the inside. Draco knew he would parade in on his Father's Winter Ball. His mother had placed ice sculptors all over the yard, sparkling across the vast land. There were twelve Christmas trees decorated also, and he found his way to the front of the house, the double doors twice his height, and well over twenty-five feet wide. He knocked, and it was immediately opened by a house elf. He walked pass the creature to the ballroom. It was decorated lavishly, and a bright white light filled the room as music led the thousands of people in the room into a waltz.

Draco watched as the eerie music filled the gigantic room, and people held their heads high as they moved. He caught glance of his father dancing with his mother. She was dressed in an icy-blue dress that showed off her slender shoulders, and spilled down around her long, thin heeled shoes. Her platinum blond hair was pulled elegantly back into a tight bun, with an expensive diamond-clip holding it all back, no doubt a gift from his father.

He took a step back, and saw that his Father had caught glimpse of him. He could see his Lucius's breathe hitch in his chest, as he disappeared into the corridor. He soon heard his father following him. Draco coolly entered his most hated room in the manor.

His father's private room…

"Draco, what are you doing home, I thought you were staying at school?" Lucius calmly loosened his silk black tie as he hungrily surveyed his son. He felt like he was peering into a mirror of himself, but younger and much weaker. From Draco's high cheekbones, silver orbs, platinum blonde hair, to the narrowness of his torso and waist, he screamed the creation of Lucius Malfoy.

"I decided to come home to people that loved me," Draco whispered. His Father smiled knowingly, walking carefully towards his son. He hadn't changed much; he looked healthier, if anything, Lucius surveyed. He ran a cool finger down the side of Draco's face.

"And, my son, what do you want for Christmas?" Lucius asked seductively. Draco smirked.

"Whatever pleases you," Draco said. He felt ashamed for coming back, for giving in to his worthless side. He remembered the look on Hermione's face, the disgust and the betrayal. It had confused him at the time. And he didn't know why she had reacted that way.

Now he knew.

"You're a good son, Draco. The best a Father could ever have." Draco closed his eyes against the compliment, wanting to savor whatever Lucius was saying to him. He was standing dangerously close now. Lucius placed his arms around Draco's body, bringing his son's back against his chest.

"Welcome home," he hissed, kissing Draco on the neck.

_

* * *

_

_I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes,  
'cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else.  
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need.  
I picture you fast asleep, a nightmare comes, you can't keep awake

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_

I know this chapter must have pissed off a lot of you! But please stay with me! Review, and thank you for reading.

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	13. His Redemption

**Drowning in Spite

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Summery: The summer of fifth year—the days of developing, growing and adventure of the teenage experience. But what happens when your innocence is abruptly taken from you? With no heart, no conscious and absolutely no one to hear your cries—what are you to do? Draco Malfoy finds out the hard way, after being introduced to the most secretive Malfoy tradition ever known. And the only person there to hold his bleeding heart is the last person he could ever want to see. Come; read this story as all the characters go through riveting experiences concerning the coming of age, sexual preference/exploration and the meaning of life.

**Disclaimer:** Sorry, but I don't own any of the characters.

**Warning: **This is a very Dark fic. Please DO **NOT READ** if you are offended by **_ANY_ **of this.

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**A/N:**

**RAPE SCENE. Please do NOT read if you're going to complain later. Thank you. **

**AND VIOLENCE PLEASE, HERE'S YOUR WARNING**

**MEAN! HARRY AND RON

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**

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE IN THE END!

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**

**Chapter Thirteen: His Redemption**

_

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So hurting here is where I belong dreaming a song  
Blood on my hands to stay strong  
The flowers in the graveyard are all gone I don't belong  
There is no right to heal the wrong  
Soup's on hot feelin' like a do or die  
I can't throw up don't think I even want to_

_Try. _

**Katy Rose.**

**

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**

"_I heard that he wanked off some of the Slytherin bastards in his year…"_

"_Well, I know for a fact that he was shagging Hermione Granger, saw them at it myself in the corridor!"_

"_He's a fag!"_

Draco heard the gossip and rumors spread about the school as if it were a disease. He cringed when Hermione would enter a room and look past him, like he wasn't there. When they were in the common room, she wouldn't look at him. She knew how dirty he was, how much illness had been pumped into his body.

However, Draco lost all sanity one day outside of Potions. He had gotten there early, in hopes to avoid curious stares, but Snape had locked the door to the dungeon, leaving him stranded. He dropped his bag to the floor in exhaustion and glanced around the empty dungeons. He heard a stir off to the left, and saw a group of people walking his way…of course, it was the Gryffindors.

"I saw it Harry, I saw Luna Lovegood's goodies, you can't tell me I didn't, and her knockers are just…" Ron held his hands out in front of his chest, as if pretending they were breasts he squeezed them. Harry looked uninterested. Instead, he had a secure arm wrapped around Hermione's waist.

When they saw Draco standing against the wall, they stopped in their tracks, and it was the first time Hermione had looked at him since Christmas Break.

"What are you doing here Malfoy? Have an appointment to get on your knees?" Ron asked, smirking. Draco ignored him, and reached to pick up his bag, but Ron had kicked it out of his reach. Ron now leaned forward into Draco's personal space and whispered, "Mind telling me how many blokes you shagged as a _hustler_, Malfoy?" Although soft, Ron's question was loud enough for the Gryffindors to hear. Neville, Seamus, Dean, Parvati, Padma and Lavender, who was standing behind the trio, were able to hear it, and gasped.

"_He was a hustler?"_

"_Malfoy is REALLY Gay?"_

"_What a bloody nance…" _

Draco shot an icy stare at Hermione. She was the only one that knew that secret, and she had told Ron, and possibly others.

"Bugger off Weasel," Draco sneered, reaching once again to pick up his bag. When he had grabbed it however, Ron grabbed him and slammed him up against the stone wall. He cried out in pain as his head flew back. Ron brought his face close.

"We don't like people like you, Malfoy…You're disgusting…we don't like _hustlers_ and we don't like _pounces _either…" Ron released him. Hermione gave Harry a pleading look.

"C'mon Ron, let him off…" Harry started, but Draco cut him off.

"Oh, calling your two-bit boyfriend off, eh Potter?" Draco asked nastily, "Next you'll be telling your mudblood bitch to scurry off so you two could have a right fuck, huh? She's used to the fucking, I suppose!" Draco shouted. Harry froze as his cheeks burned red. Hermione however, looked as if she would cry. Ron on the other hand had tightened his grip on Draco…He turned to stare wildly and accusingly at Hermione.

"What the fuck is he talking about Hermione?" Ron asked.

"What I'm talking about is that I would fuck her senseless everyday since Halloween!" Draco shouted. Harry had dropped his arm that was wrapped around Hermione's waist. "I was even at her house for Christmas!"

"LIAR!" Ron roared, wrapping his fingers around Draco's throat. Hermione was crying now.

"HOW COULD YOU!" Draco roared. "How could you do this? After everything we've been through?" Draco asked chokingly, Ron was applying more pressure now.

"You're a fucking fairy Malfoy, and you don't deserve to live! That's why!" Harry shouted back.

"You're just covering up your own homo desires Potter!" Draco replied rashly. He was met with a fist to the side of the face, blinding him temporarily.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ron roared. He had released Draco now.

"I'm not the _homo_, Malfoy!" Harry took a menacing step forward. Draco was now picking himself up, touching his cheek carefully at the nearing purple bruise. Harry pushed him against the wall, and laughed. "You used to pick on us…fight us…say horrible things to us…and now you have no one, _nothing._" Draco stayed silent as Harry shoved him again against the wall. "You're helpless! And your little fun you had last year, with being a bad ass? Not here anymore, is it?"

"Fuck you!" Draco shouted back.

"Hermione told us all about your dead boyfriend!" Ron shouted behind Harry, trying to comfort Hermione. "You nearly had her wrecked, did you know? We got her to tell us _everything_ about your life…"

"But she didn't tell you we were shagging?" Draco asked venomously. Harry yanked Draco's head back so hard, the girls in the back screamed.

"She didn't, you know why? Because you're a liar…" Harry said, keeping his grip on Draco strong. "But she was able to tell us all your dirty family secrets. You had her terrified…she came to us; she couldn't handle your nasty confessions. Told us everything a couple of days ago," Harry explained sweetly. Draco gasped. He looked at Hermione, who was staring back at him, Ron at her side.

"You bitch…" Draco softly said, trying to fight back tears. Harry pushed him again letting him go, and it was then that Draco grabbed Harry's school robe, and brought his lips crashing onto the other boys. Harry tried to fight him back, but soon found him self limp against Draco. The people in the corridor gasped, and Hermione had turned away from it, and dashed down the corridor. Draco pushed Harry away from him.

"Not gay, Potter?" he asked out of breath. Harry was equally out of breath, and looked around nervously. He then pulled out his wand, and pointed it directly at Draco.

"You'll die for that, Malfoy! YOU FREAK!" Harry shouted. Ron came to Harry's side in shock.

"You kissed him back!" Ron said. Harry, his wand still trained on Draco, glared at Ron.

"The bastard bit me! It didn't look like what you saw, honestly now Ron!" Harry shouted in reply. Ron slowly looked back at Draco, who had picked up his bag.

"You're disgusting!" Ron shouted back, believing Harry's story. Harry was livid with anger. _Fucking bastard,_ he thought viciously. "We're going to beat you to a bloody pulp."

Draco looked around for Snape, but he wasn't anywhere near the dungeons. Ron lunged for Draco, knocking him to the ground, and began to kick him repeatedly in the stomach.

"HOW'S THAT? ENJOY THAT?" Ron asked. "YOU FUCKING SHIRT LIFTER!"

"You have to STOP THIS!" Lavender Brown said, pulling on Harry's arm. "You can't be for real Harry!" she continued. Harry had taken a step back from Ron's outburst. Parvati nodded in agreement. It was now that other students began filing into the dungeon's corridor, and upon seeing Draco on the floor, they crowded around to watch. Pansy Parkinson had broke into the circle and tried to yank Ron off of Draco.

"GET OFF OF HIM!" she cried. Ron pushed her away, and she fell onto her bum, and it was then that Draco snapped. His fist flew into the air, knocking Ron clean off his feet. Harry had come forward, trying to help Ron up.

"You stupid floozy!" Ron said over the already coming gossip. Pansy glared up at him as she stood to her feet.

"Have you gone _barmy_ Weasley?" Pansy barked, dusting off her robes and dashing forward to help Draco stand. His lip was bleeding greatly, and when she had touched it, he hissed and turned away from her. "You both are wankers, do you know that?"

"Yeah, well, did you know your friend here is an arse bandit?" Harry asked rudely, as Ron stood beside him. The people who had just come into the dungeons began to whisper again.

"What's the meaning of this?" Blaise had come from behind the crowd, also partnered with Crabbe and Goyle. Immediately they began to size up Harry and Ron. Draco was standing now beside Pansy, and Blaise had come to stand in front of him.

"Is it true? What everyone is saying?"

"And what is that?" Draco asked coolly. Blaise cleared his throat.

"That you're attracted to boys," Blaise said in an undertone. Draco smirked.

"If that's what you want to believe, then go ahead."

Draco felt like he was being thrown into a pool, and the biggest problem was that he didn't know how to swim. He was being beaten on by the rapid waves of the water, and forced to swallow the salty current. The harder he pushed against it, the harder he was pulled underwater. He felt trapped.

He wasn't gay, and he knew that for a fact, and although he had fallen in love with a boy, it was never truly explored. All he knew fully was Hermione, was the body of a woman, despite all his experience with the male anatomy.

He was brought back to earth by Professor Snape's late arrival. "What the bloody hell is going on here?" he swore, looking from Draco's bleeding and dazed look, to Ron who had a lovely shiner developing.

"Draco and Weasley please go to the Infirmary now, and you _both_ will receive separate detentions from me."

"Sir, may I possibly escort Draco? To make sure there's no further fighting?" Blaise asked benevolently, trying to persuade Snape. Snape nodded, and Blaise took Draco by the upper arm and dragged him to the stairs.

"I don't need to go to the Infirmary!" Draco shouted at Blaise. Ron had stomped pass them, glaring. When Draco had finally stopped struggling, he realized they were in the middle of an empty corridor. "I also don't need _you_ here!" Draco snapped. Blaise raised his hands in peace.

"Alright there, mate…I'm not going to pretend that I haven't been the best person, but I'm not going to fight with you over some bird." Blaise crossed his arms. "I just want…to know!" he finally struggled out. "Why didn't you _tell _anybody about what you've been through?" Draco froze at Blaise's words.

"You know what my Father did to me?" Draco whispered. Blaise lifted his brow.

"No…what are you talking about?"

Draco turned on his heel to continue walking, but Blaise had grabbed him by the wrist.

"Is there a new rumor going around about your Father…oh…," realization dawned on Blaise, and he dropped Draco's arm. "Oh Draco, Draco I didn't know what was going on," Blaise said softly. Draco had wrapped his arms around his body now. Blaise tugged Draco carefully into his arms and hugged him. He missed being this close to him. Draco began to sob as Blaise hugged him tightly. "That sick fuck, how could he do this?!" Blaise shouted.

"I used to think it was okay," Draco replied. "But it's not…it's not Blaise," he cried. Blaise raked a hand through Draco's hair to calm him. "I'm so sorry Blaise!" Draco croaked out.

"Merlin Draco, it's okay, I wish I would have known sooner!" Blaise said, pulling Draco back to peer into his face.

"C'mon, let's go to the Infirmary…"

* * *

Draco was coming back from detention with Snape, who had had mercy on him. He looked at his watch, and realized that he couldn't go back to the dorms, not that he wanted to, but because he had to patrol. It was nearing eleven at night, and anybody who was out of bed would get caught and given a detention. He jumped when he heard a noise. He looked behind his shoulder and saw no one there, but when he had turned around, there was a masked figure in front if him. He jumped back, and strong arms wrapped around his body. 

"Well look here boys, we found the famous Death Eater's son!" cried the hidden boy in front of him. Draco shivered. His eyes quickly raked across the boys who had come from around the corner. He counted three. "So, we heard that you were the best…" the boy continued. Before Draco could respond, he was hit in the back of the head, and was pressed against the wall in a hidden alcove. He cried out loud when he felt the boy behind him roughly pulling his trousers down.

"Ripe like a new born baby!" the boy said, touching Draco's bum. Draco swallowed upcoming vomit. He tried fighting the boy back, but his ribs had been broken from Weasley's earlier attack. Madame Pomfrey had healed him, but not without some fearful looks to the bruises on his body that was not from Ron. He was still in pain.

"STOP!" Draco cried out. "Don't do this…I don't even _know _you all! I haven't done anything to any of you," Draco said weakly. The boy laughed.

"You're a disgrace to Slytherin and the Dark Lord, Malfoy. You're a fucking fairy. And me and my great friends here, we're about to rip you apart," the boy from beside him said. Draco turned his attention to the boy, and he had pulled his mask off.

It was none other than Flint. Draco cringed, knowing that this monster was going to rape him. He couldn't say or finish his thought, because the boy behind him had brutally entered him. Draco's face smashed against the wall, feeling the skin on his cheek break against the rough stone. He bit his lip so he wouldn't cry, but the sobs escaped him, and he was hit in the back of the head.

"How's it, arse bandit? Feeling like a lucky _faggot?_"

Draco struggled against the larger boy. He was suddenly relieved of fear and sadness, and instead, his body began to shake violently, and he felt the magic swell into his body like the flowing of a river. The magic exploded, like a bomb in the corridor, and he knew it could be felt everywhere in the castle. The boy had wrapped his arms around Draco upon feeling the magic boiling in Draco. He shouted at the sudden pain that shot through his back, and quickly pushed the boy that was on him off. He easily fell to the floor, stunned by the magic that had exploded from Draco. Draco moved to pull up his trousers. The other two boys had also flown into the walls, and were briefly out cold. Draco could hear footsteps coming from the opposite corridor. Hermione had entered the corridor, seeing the three cloaked boys, and then Draco's shaken form. She immediately knew what had happened.

She had been patrolling alone, not wanting to go back to the dorm incase she ran into Draco there. Hermione understood Draco's pain, but didn't want to accept it. She was the type of girl who would put her arms around someone and let them know that they were safe from harms way. However, when Hermione found out that Draco had been abused by his father, and had mistaken it for love, she felt sick. She felt like she would break down because she could, somewhere deep down inside, understand what he was feeling. She had been hurt by Blaise, but felt some love for him still, remembering the good times they used to have. She thought, maybe Draco had those good memories of his father that he couldn't let go of, too.

He gave her one more shattering look, and fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Oh god!" she cried, running over to him.

"Oh god, Draco…" she cried, falling down beside him. She lifted his head to rest in her lap, removing a stray blonde hair from his forehead. His eyes fluttered open, and upon seeing her large brown eyes, he quickly rolled himself onto his stomach, and lifted himself from off the ground.

"Stay…away…" he gasped, clenching his stomach. He turned to the wall, resting his hands against it. He made one lurching sound, and emptied his gut onto the corridor's ground.

"You're sick Draco," Hermione whispered, still sitting on the ground. "Let me help you!"

"You can't fucking help me, you twisted hag!" he cried. "You're a liar, you're a whore, and you're a fucking monster! Now get the fuck away from me…" he shouted. He nearly passed out again; his ribs were throbbing almost as bad as his head. She stood.

"Listen, Draco…I've been preparing myself for this. I know you're mad, but please, listen to me…"

"I shouldn't have to listen to someone I hate…" he drawled, regaining what was left of his composure and walking away from her.

"I was afraid, Draco! I was afraid of what you told me! It…it reminded me of what Blaise did to me…how useless and disgusted I felt, because I think some small part of me liked what he did to me," Hermione stuttered out.

Draco gracefully shrugged his shoulders, continuing to walk away from the mess that was behind him. "Go away, Granger."

"Please, just hear me out, Draco! I _love_ you!"

Before Hermione knew it, Draco had used the little strength he had and slammed Hermione against the wall, making her head snap back and collide with the wall. She could feel the blood seeping into her robe.

"You…fucking bitch," he spat. "You _love_ me?" his voice was barely above a whisper as he hissed at the nearly unconscious girl. "You ruined me, you hurt me. I _hate_ you."

Hermione released a cry as he shook her again, "and you…and you told them about my boyfriend…do…do you know how painful that is?" he wept, releasing her. She slid down the wall, her body giving into exhaustion. Draco gasped when he saw the blood dripping down her neck. He pulled her into his arms, where she fell limp against his chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, clinging onto his weak body. They slid to the floor together, Hermione's arms wrapped around Draco's neck, and Draco's hands thrust into Hermione's hair, crying lightly into it as he felt for the gash that was bleeding. He had hurt her badly.

"I'm sorry too," he cried. "I'm sorry I called you all those things…"

"I'm sorry I told Harry and Ron, I just…I'm so sorry Draco," she whimpered, crying into his arms. She felt herself tipping forward into darkness, Draco along with her. The last thing she remembered was hearing footsteps walk towards her. All she remembered was a horrified look gracing Professor Snape's dark face as he saw the two lovers clenching each other to death.

* * *

"Miss Granger will be fine," Snape said to Draco, who was awake and walking around. He had healed the young boy's ribs, and healed some of the ugly gashed that decorated his beautiful face. Only a bruise could be seen, darkening his right cheekbone. 

"What are you going to do with the unconscious students?" Draco asked. He cringed, remembering the incident.

"One of them raped you and the others were going to: that's attempted rape. They're being expelled." Snape's face turned up in disgust as he answered. "When were going to tell me about Lucius, Draco?" the older man said in an unusually soft voice.

"I was scared Severus, I told no one except Hermione, only to have her leave me." Draco trembled, "You have to promise you won't tell Father. You have to promise me." Draco slid to the floor, bringing his legs against his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "You can't tell him about the attack either."

"That's impossible, Draco. Those boys who are being expelled are the children of Death Eaters. Your Father will know soon enough."

"Then don't expel them!" Draco cried. "I don't want them to be expelled, please…" Draco whispered. He didn't want Lucius to know how weak he had been against the boys. He would surely be punished for it. Snape had come towards Draco, kneeling beside the boy he had known since infancy.

"Nonsense…they _have_ to be expelled Draco, but I will protect you from Lucius. You'll never have to see him again. No one will know about this incident, just you, me, Ms. Granger and Dumbledore. No other students. Do you understand?"

"No, I don't understand…I don't want this to happen," Draco hissed.

"You have to stay strong Draco!" Snape shouted, grabbing the boy about his shoulders. _When did he become so thin_? He asked himself. "You can't pretend this didn't happen. You have to face this." Draco nodded, standing onto shaking legs.

"I have to go," Draco whispered, walking around Snape to the door. He caught a glimpse of Hermione sleeping in one of the white beds. He willed himself not to cry.

"You have to stay in the Infirmary. No moving about for you tonight. Dumbledore has been informed by Madame Pomfrey that you are to stay in the Infirmary for three days."

"_Three days?_" Draco asked. "Why?"

"You're…you're sick, Draco," Snape stuttered out. The boy turned to stare at his Godfather. His face was incredibly pale.

"What…" Draco started, biting back a sob. "What is wrong with me?"

"You have a muggle disease, Draco. It's contracted through sex, and in the muggle world, it's deadly," Snape said in monotone. He watched as Draco's silvery eyes grew wide with panic.

"Does she—" Draco started, his eyes cutting to where Hermione rested.

"No, Hermione does not have it," he said softly. "She was spared, thank God."

"How did I get it?" he asked. Snape grew uncomfortable.

"Madame Pomfrey told me that it's been in your body for awhile…Since your…hustling days. You may have contracted it from a…_customer._"

Draco chokingly made his way to an armchair, flopping onto it. He placed his hands over his face and began to cry into them. "Am I going to die Severus?" he wheezed out.

"No, you will not," Snape moved over to Draco, kneeling before the boy, pulling his hands from his face. "You're going to get better; here in the Wizarding World we have a cure for this disease. You're going to go through three stages Draco, three difficult stages. They're going to be scary, you'll be violently ill, but I promise you, in the end you'll feel better. The disease will be gone from your body."

"What does this disease do to me?"

"It breaks down your immune system, causing you to get sick easily. It attacks what you have known in your body as T Cells. If we hadn't caught this disease, you could've died within a month. You've had it untreated in your body for so long."

"How…how did she not get it?" Draco asked.

"I do not know…anyone that you had intercourse with should have gotten it, but Ms. Granger is extremely healthy," Snape said. "But…I do have an idea…" he started, watching as Draco raised his head. "It was because of love."

"What do you mean?"

"You love Ms. Granger, and I think that in a sense, that love protected her, it became a shield of some kind for her, to protect her from the illness."

Draco looked over to where his lover laid, her angelic face gleaming in the dim candle light.

* * *

The next morning, Draco woke up screaming. 

"HELP ME!" he screamed. "HELP ME!" he was breaking out into a cold sweat, his body shaking madly as he pulled the sheets back from his body. He was bleeding. Hermione began to stir in her sleep, opening her eyes at the screams that were coming from a couple beds away. She saw Madame Pomfrey run out, latex gloves on. She moved over to the bed and gasped.

"Mr. Malfoy!"

Hermione sat up in her bed; images from last night came back to her. She sprang from her bed, running over to the frantic screams that were coming from Draco. However, when she saw what was in front of her, she fell to the floor, covering her mouth.

Draco sat on the bed, blood staining his backside. Madame Pomfrey used her wand to clean the mess and stop Draco from bleeding, but the pale boy still shook.

"Mr. Malfoy, you're going through the first stage…this is a shock, I know, but it's vital that you calm down so I can explain these stages."

"Draco?" Hermione whispered weakly from the floor. Draco stopped fussing with the mediwitch and looked over to where she was on the floor. "What's happening to you?"

"MISS GRANGER! PLEASE GET BACK IN BED!" the older woman screamed. "Mr. Malfoy is sick, and he is being taken care of!" Madame Pomfrey pulled out a long needle, and pulled Draco left arm out, puncturing him in the vein. "I'm sorry Mr. Malfoy, but I'll have to do this the hard way. I'm giving you a relaxant; a spell would not calm you down long enough. I'll come back to talk to you about your stages."

Draco calmly sat back on his pillows, watching the surprise and relieved look grace her features as the medicine took hold of his body. The woman smiled. "There…isn't that much better, Mr. Malfoy?"

"What's happening to him?" Hermione asked again, tears threatening to spill.

"Mr. Malfoy is very sick, Miss Granger. He needs medical assistance that he will be getting for the next three days here."

"What does he have?"

"I cannot tell you that, it's against the law. But I do want to tell you that you have been tested, and still given an antidote to be on the safe side. You do not have it, Miss Granger, so be thanking any deity that you believe in for not having it," the mediwitch said severely.

Hermione watched as Draco groaned, his eyes fluttering close. "Hermione?" he muttered. She stood from her spot on the floor, watching as Madame Pomfrey turned and went back to her office. Hermione stepped over to Draco.

"Yes love?" she whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I love you, I'm so sorry about this…I never meant to cause any type of infection to enter you," he said groggily. Hermione shook her head, which ended up resting on Draco's chest.

"It doesn't matter Draco…If you died, I would die alongside you," she whispered. Draco began to cry as Hermione moved to kiss him on the lips. "I love you," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his body. "I'm so sorry about what's happened. I'm never going to hurt you again Draco, I promise you. I'll never hurt you again."

* * *

**AN:** Do you love me or hate me for this? It had to happen; I'm trying to make this story as realistic as possible. I know you all might want to kill me for making Harry and Ron mean, but put yourself in their shoes. If you found out that someone that has teased you, manipulated you, and potentially hurt your best friend had some sort of problem, wouldn't you take advantage of that? Wouldn't you kick them while they're down? I don't think women would (as you can see, Hermione fled from the scene) but I think men would swoop down and tear that situation apart. Harry and Ron simply hate Draco. And although what they did was horrible, in their eyes it's justice. 

**As for the disease:** I hope you all know what he's contracted. I tried to make it obvious. I sort of knew I would give this to Draco when I wrote the story. Also, to answer a question I know I'll receive:

**Doe's Lucius Have the Disease?**

**My answer:** no, because according to what Snape said (and was correct about) is that love protects a person from the disease. And at the time, Draco loved his father, so no. Lucius is not sick.

Thank you for reading, I will answer any questions you may have in the next update, so please, leave them in your comments. Thank you, and love you all!

PS—Sorry for any grammar mistakes! eek!


	14. Written in Blood

**Drowning In Spite

* * *

**

**SUMMARY:** The beatings were degrading, the rape was breathtakingly painful, but when he allowed himself to be loved: it nearly killed him. She did it to save him, only for him to hurt her in return. DMHG. **WARNING!** Darkfic: Rape, incest, self harm.

**AN:** This story only has about…five more chapters to it, I think. Four or five…I'm really sorry this story has not been updated like the rest. It's been about three weeks. This chapter was so hard for me to write. My version of Draco had such a dramatic turn in his life, it's almost like he's lost himself, or what he used to be. He's been on his way down for quite some time, and this is simply his breaking point. Anyways, I'm sorry; I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I won't tell you if there will be a happy ending. Just know that love is stronger than pain.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Written in Blood

* * *

**

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.  
Drown my will to fly.  
Here in the darkness I know myself.  
Can't break free until I let it go…  
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.  
Anything is better than to be alone.  
And in the end I guess I had to fall.  
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me  
Wonder what's wrong with me.

-_Evanescence, Lithium _

-----

"Don't touch me," Ron hissed, spinning on spot. He glared down at the tearful Hermione, her face half hidden under her disheveled hair. Ron had struck her earlier with the back of his hand, and a glowing purple bruise was lighting up the side of her face.

"Please, Ron…" she choked out, reaching for him. He pushed her back, making her fall.

"You're bloody disgusting," he said nastily. He kneeled beside her sobbing form and grabbed her in his arms, gripping her hard. "Did he fuck you until you cried, Hermione? Did he pass along his sick, twisted thoughts and make you believe it was love? It's fucking _disgusting_," he barked in her face. "It might as well be a fucking _sin_."

They were outside the Great Hall, and Hermione had just been discharged from the hospital wing after spending a day in it. Harry and Ron had not been to see her, only Ginny stopped by, fearfully voicing her opinion of the situation, and vowing to stand beside her. Having entered the Great Hall that morning, she realized the whole school knew her secret. A sign, maybe, had been printed across her forehead, proclaiming that she had "fucked the faggot." Harry would not look at her; the Gryffindor table was so unkind to her. Ron had turned to look at her though, but pain had seeped into her veins. In his eyes, there was the coldest expression there. He quickly stood, pushing her out of the Great Hall roughly, which had suddenly become deadly quiet. Before she could even talk, he had slapped her. She had quickly backed away from him. He questioned her, swore at her, and she had tried to reach out for him, but failed to gain him back.

"Did you know?" he asked, with a small, taunting smile, "did you know your precious poof is dying from a muggle disease? You probably have it too, having fucked like bunnies." Hermione gasped in his arms. He shook her, his eyes intensely ripping her apart. "I _hope_ you have it," he growled venomously. At his words, she shook again, tears streaming down her face. "It would be a punishment just for a typical _whore."_

"Stop!" she pleaded. "Stop, don't say this Ron…" she cried. "It's…it's _me_ Ron…it's _me…_" she pleaded, not registering what was happening to her life.

"I don't give a flying fuck," he released her, standing, and she fell onto her back, only to crawl weakly onto her side, crying madly. Ron, in the mist of his anger, pulled his foot back, aiming to kick her, when he heard someone shout,

"Touch her, Weasley, and I'll personally cut your balls off and feed them to you." Standing in front of the doors of the Great Hall was Pansy—Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle standing behind her. Her wand was pointed directly at Ron's lower half. "Go ahead, do it…and see what _I'll_ do to _you._"

Ron looked back down at the shattered Hermione curled up at his feet. He took a step back, panic taking hold of his chest as Hermione looked up into his face. He could see the swelling bruise that he had put on her face. The pain of realization took hold of him. Last year, he had promised on his life he would never hit her again, never, ever. He had seen the wild pain and anger in her eyes that afternoon on the Hogwarts Express. She had found refuge in the Slytherin compartment. He promised. He _promised._

"Bitch," he whispered and walked away from her.

Pansy quickly ran to Hermione, kneeling beside the hurting girl. "Baby," she softly started. "It's okay."

"It can't be…my friends _hate _me."

"I don't hate you," Pansy said with a smile. "I love you Hermione, and right now, you need to not think about them, or what they think about you. You have to be strong. I know you can…damn it, you're a Gryffindor for Merlin's fucking sake." Hermione laughed weakly at this, sitting up all the way. She looked pass Pansy's shoulder to see Blaise staring at her. She shivered.

"Don't worry," Pansy muttered. "He won't do anything," she said, meaning Blaise.

"I've missed you so much Pansy, I don't know what to do with myself…I don't even know how everyone found out all this in such a short time."

"Who did you talk to about this?" Pansy asked. Hermione sighed, exhausted.

"The only person I've talked to in the last couple of days is…is…Ginny…" her face paled. "I…I told her about Draco and me…and…that Draco was sick…"

"That red-haired bitch probably told her brother everything."

"Is she okay?" shouted Blaise from behind Pansy. He was looking impatient, but also concerned. Pansy turned around to face him

"Why don't you ask her yourself? For fuck's sake…" Pansy swore, irritation etched on her face. Blaise kept quiet, and after a few seconds, walked pass the two girls, leaving the corridor. Crabbe and Goyle looked to Pansy for directions. Helping Hermione to her feet, she smiled weakly at the two boys.

"Why don't we go visit Draco, eh? I'm sure he needs the support…and he'd probably like to see his pretty girlfriend's face," Pansy said kindly, wrapping her arm around Hermione's shoulder. "Right?" the two boys nodded.

In the company of three Slytherins, Hermione made her way to the Hospital Wing.

* * *

Draco was shivering, his mind breaking in half as his body jerked with bone-splitting spasms. He was in the second stage of his healing process. The first one he had completed, bleeding out the illness. He had lost so much of that tainted blood; it felt like a gift from God that the burden was off of his heart. His second stage would be the scariest. 

Draco was blinded with hallucinations.

Jon sat in the chair beside him, his legs crossed, and his hands resting on his knee. Draco couldn't help but cry as his dead lover moved to rest a hand on his arm. "Draco, love, don't cry."

"I'm sick," Draco whimpered. "I…I…feel like I'm dying Jon."

"You're not dying, sweetheart. You're getting better."

"Why did she leave, where is she?" Draco asked suddenly. Jon smiled weakly, his blue eyes shifted with the slightest bit of jealousy.

"She'll be here soon. I know you love her Draco…I'm happy for you," Jon whispered.

"You were my first Jon," Draco said, a smile touching his cracked lips. "You will always be my first." Jon stood now, leaning over Draco.

"I love you Draco, I love you so much it hurts. If I had to, I would die all over again for you sweetheart," he said with a chuckle. He pushed back Draco's sweaty blond locks. "Keep me in your heart, but please be happy Draco. You will get better, you will continue to love your Hermione, you'll marry her, and forget all the horrible things of the past," Jon whispered, kissing Draco's paste-colored cheek. "And you will remember how amazing your life is, how much you love your life." Jon fingered the dark, thick scars on Draco's wrists.

"Don't leave me Jon."

"I won't love, never." Jon brought his soft pink lips down to Draco's, and kissed him tenderly and slow, trying to draw out the kiss, savoring it. Jon pulled away. He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, unraveling it. "That night…when your father came…I wanted to show this to you." Jon held it up to Draco, it was a picture of the two, sitting in a field him and Jon had found one sunny day while searching for customers. Lucas had sent them away for the day, wanting to keep them away from his amateur wand shop during the mornings so not to scare off customers. They had played hooky, having just spent the day with each other, and not finding potential buyers. Jon had nicked Lucas's camera. In the picture, Draco was resting on Jon's stomach, using the boy's flat belly as a pillow. Jon had his fingers in Draco's tousled blonde hair. They were both smiling in this muggle picture. They were both in love. Draco wrapped his hands around the picture, and soon realized that he was once again alone in this pearly white-colored hell of a room.

"Jon…Jon! Jon!" Draco screamed. He clenched the picture in his hands. "JON! PLEASE COME BACK!"

"DRACO!"

"COME BACK!" he screamed so loud, his throat sounded as if it would rupture. "PLEASE! PLEASE!"

"DRACO! STOP!"

"Don't leave _me…_" Draco had lifted his hands to his face, covering it, wet with tears. Hands gently met his hands, and pulled them from his face. Draco looked up into Hermione's fearful eyes. She sighed. Draco looked around.

"Where's my picture?"

"What?" she asked in bewilderment. Draco brought his dilated eyes to Hermione's and realized that she was not alone.

"You stole my fucking picture," he accused harshly. Hermione gasped and took a step back.

"Draco, I don't know what you're talking about.

"YOU STOLE MY PICTURE!" he shouted. Pansy had decided to come to Hermione's rescue, pulling the girl away from the twisting figure that was Draco. He was thrashing about now, his body convulsing.

"Don't…" he whimpered.

"Crabbe, Goyle, go get Madame Pomfrey from the Great Hall and tell her something is wrong with Draco…" Pansy ordered. The two boys nodded and dashed out of the Infirmary. "Curse her for leaving," Pansy hissed.

"Don't…father…not any more…" Draco was staring across the room, as if someone was there. He had entered another hallucination.

In Draco's mind, Lucius was standing in front of him, a long, thin belt in his hands.

"You _will_ become a man, Draco."

"Please…father…no…"

"I don't want to _hear_ your crying Draco."

"I don't want this." Lucius brought the belt down hard on Draco's legs, making his jump in his bed, howling with pain. He pulled back the sheets to see a large welt appearing on both his legs where the belt had hit him. Lucius pulled the belt back again, and this time slammed it into Draco's shoulder, sending him sideways, nearly toppling off the bed. Draco cried, his body shaking horribly as Lucius approached him on the bed once again.

"Why is this happening to him?" Hermione asked weakly, watching Draco throw himself about the room. She had tried to touch him twice, but each time he would scream in pain.

"Do it," Lucius whispered. "This is how you become a man…" Lucius held out a razorblade, holding it up to show the sobbing Draco, who looked up at it in hope. "This is how you will become a man, and end your pain, my beautiful son." Draco took it from his father's hands. His father reached out for him again, but Draco swung the blade at him, threateningly.

"WHAT IS HE DOING?" Hermione roared. Draco had conjured a sharp knife wandlessly. Hermione jumped to take it from him but he had swung it at her. Pansy pulled her back before it could strike her. Frantically, she searched her robes for her wand.

"Do it."

"Draco, no!" Hermione shouted.

"Do it," Lucius taunted.

"Draco, please…"

Draco placed the knife on his wrist, and dragged it across his skin.

"NO!" Hermione screamed, her voice echoing about the room, filled with pain, and most of all, fear. Draco dropped the knife, falling back onto the bed. Pansy had fallen to her knees in pure shock, and Hermione ran over and was about to press her hands around his bleeding wrist, until Madame Pomfrey came in, her face pale.

"DO NOT TOUCH HIM!" she roared. Hermione jumped back before she could.

"He's dying!" she shouted.

Madame Pomfrey quickly pulled out her wand and healed his wound. She grimaced at the amount of blood that Draco had yet again lost. "He'll need a transfusion…I have to send word to St. Mungos." She turned on Hermione. "You insolent girl," she hissed. "This blood is tainted with disease…" with a flick of her wand, the sheets and floor was clean from Draco's blood. "If you would have touched it, and had any open cuts or sores, you would have surely caught it. Get up," she barked at Pansy, who was still sitting on the floor, shell-shocked. "GET OUT!" she roared.

* * *

Pansy and Hermione found themselves wandering the corridors that early, walking in silence. Hermione felt a bit of herself dying with every step. She felt Pansy reach out and take hold of her hand, squeezing it. She then broke out in tears. Hermione stopped walking, pulling the petite girl into her arms and holding her. She knew that Pansy had never seen such an act like that in her life. Pansy wrapped her arms around Hermione's neck, crying into the girl's shoulder. "Shh…" Hermione said reassuringly, "I know…it'll be okay." They stood like that for awhile, breathing hard against each other. Pansy lifted her head and softly kissed Hermione on the lips. 

"Thank you," she whispered. She pulled away from Hermione, her eyes rimmed red, but their hands were still clasped. They continued down the hall, not going anywhere, but just needing to be in each other's company. They found themselves in familiar territory. The Gryffindor tower, and worse of all, Harry was coming their way, having turned the corner and seen them. Hermione tightened her hold on Pansy's hand, looking up at Harry as he approached the two girls. He looked down at Hermione's bruised face, his eyes softening, and then glanced down at her hand clasped in Pansy's.

"Are you shagging girls now?" Harry asked blankly. Hermione flinched.

"Have you ever heard of friendship Harry? I doubt you have, seeing how horrible you've botched ours up. I doubt you can tell," she responded softly. Harry's face contorted with anger. She waited. Instead of spitting back at her with an insult, or slapping her like Ron did, he brought his hand to her face, gently touching the bruise there.

"Did he do this to you?" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes, Ron did this to me." Harry sighed.

"Hermione," Harry started. He looked down at her, his best friend for seven years. He remembered when he thought he had feelings for her in the beginning of the year, and having quickly dismissed them simply because he could not lose that special bond with her. This was his Hermione, he was supposed to protect her, not hurt her. He knelt down in front of her, taking her free hand and clasping it in his. "I'm sorry."

Hermione looked to Pansy, who shrugged gracefully. Turning back to the pleading Harry, she nodded her head.

"I'll forgive you Harry, for hurting me. But I'll never forgive you for hurting Draco…you…you and Ron almost killed him," she said tearfully. "Half his ribs were broken and he was bruised all over…"

"I'm so sorry Hermione, I don't know what came over me…you just have to understand that I would never try to hurt you like this…and I…promise to learn to accept your decision to be with Malfoy. I mean, Draco." She smiled at him.

Pansy suddenly gasped. Looking around Harry's shoulder, was Professor Snape, running towards them. He was paler than usual and he was not wearing a robe.

"My Gods, Miss Granger, I've been looking everywhere for you," Snape gasped out. Hermione was a little taken aback from the Professor's behavior, but remained calm. Harry had stood up now, standing beside Hermione.

"What's happened Professor?" Pansy asked.

"Mr. Malfoy has slipped into a state of unconsciousness brought on by him self. Nothing can wake him, Madame Pomfrey has tried everything. But…he left a message."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, her body shaking. Snape grew incredibly uncomfortable and queasy.

"In his blood, he wrote 'I'm sorry Hermione.' He wrote it on his bed sheets," Snape answered, his voice shaking.

"Oh God," she responded, her hand going up to cover her mouth, trying to fight the feeling of nausea. Her Draco was gone, so far gone in his mind he had brought on a coma.

"Madame Pomfrey believes you can wake him up by talking to him. Her most logical reason for this is purely due to Draco's psychological trauma. She believes that he has escaped to his mind as part of his healing process. However, the only problem is, is that the longer Draco stays in this coma, the faster the disease spreads because he is not concentrating on healing his _body_ first, just his mind." Hermione nodded sadly, taking in Snape was saying. She would help Draco no matter what it cost her.

* * *

In the dark, Draco found himself sitting across from a small, blonde child. He was no more than eight; his silvery blue eyes were large with question and excitement. This boy was so pure, so fresh, and so untainted from the disease that Draco wanted to drink from this boy's fountain of purity. 

"Who are you?" the little boy asked. Draco smiled.

"I'm your daddy."

"You are?" the little boy asked. He was dressed fit to be an aristocratic king, but Draco himself was still dressed in hospital pajamas. He saw this little boy often in his dreams.

"Yes I am, and I'm going to take care of you, because no one else will love you like I can." The little boy beamed up at Draco.

"Father…" the boy started, a smile touching his small lips. Draco grinned at the word coming from the boy's mouth. He felt so much pride; he thought his heart would explode.

"Do you love me, little Draco?" Draco asked.

"Of course I do, Father."

* * *

**AN:** OKAY—I hope you don't find the ending confusing. Just think about it this way…Draco is a mess psychologically because of his father. Now, all Draco ever wanted was for Lucius to love him, and instead of his Father doing that, he just raped and abused Draco. Now, in order for Draco to overcome what has happened to him, he had resorted to the back of his mind, he has found solace in his younger self. He has found a part of him that is fresh and untainted. This child IS Draco, and the boy is a metaphor for the need…the _demand for Draco to love himself, _and his life. There will be more hallucinations like these. It's a twist I hope will work out. Thank you for reading this chapter, please tell me what you thought about it, it would help me a lot. If you have questions, I will answer them in the next chapter. Thanks! 

**Also:** If you are a DMHP fan, I have a new story called: _Pour Vos Yeux Seulement: For Your Eyes_. It's set in France and purely romantic.


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